Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am looking for your creative ideas in getting your adolescents and teens to talk, share information willingly, etc. We've raised two boys (now 23 and 20) and our DD is 11. She seems to be a lot different than her brothers (I guess girls are a lot different than boys huh?). So, what tricks have worked for you in getting them to willingly confide and share? Our boys seemed to naturally do that a bit more, but we are having trouble getting DD to do it.
Thanks!
Nancy
Last edited by BioAdoptMom3; 01-01-2011 at 10:35 PM..
It has to start early and if you haven't gotten them to open up by the time they are 16 and don't need you for transportation, you can just forget it---for awhile. I think they fear being ridiculed or judged if they start confiding when they are young. If you prove you don't always have the answer and are willing to bat ideas around, they seem to open up at a later phase of life.
29 year old son didn't confide too much in highschool but by the middle of college and since graduation, he is quite open about everything. we relate better as 2 adults than as mom and son.
When I was young and wanted to talk to my mom she seemed to think she should give advice, answer with all the right answers and generally tell me what to do. That was not what I wanted. I remembered this when my own kids started talking to me.
My daughter is 11 too, and what I've learned is that she talks to me more if I listen but don't react strongly. If I start to show too much of a response (like when she's talking about some of the things the girls at school are doing), she'll shut down. She's more likely to talk to me when we're doing something together like baking or cleaning her room than if I just try to talk to her. Also, listen attentively to the silly, chatty stuff too and not just to what seems more crucial. That's been working for me so far, but ask me again in a few years.
Drive somewhere....my kids both seemed to talk more in the car...or over food...I will also second what lucygirl says....when they get to chatting, don't react too much....
I second driving in the car and tempering your reactions. My oldest is 10, and he's exceptionally chatty, but we have an exchange student living with us this year. She's very open and tells me a LOT, and I work at staying calm and thinking before I answer. She's thrown me a few real doozies, and I've had to take some deep breaths before responding... even if she tells me about something she's done wrong, I make sure to commend her on her honesty. She also talks a lot in the car... I think the fact that I can't look at her (because I'm driving) makes her feel less judged, maybe?
I only hope I can have this type of relationship with my own kids when they're older. At this point, my son goes on and on about Star Wars or whatever and admittedly I tend to tune him out, but I know that I need to be better about actually listening to whatever it is he's saying. My 7-year-old (a girl) is not such a chatterbox, and I wonder how her teen years will go.
I have the opposite issue... my 16 yr. old daughter tells me everything. Things I didn't even want to know, in fact. But it's better that she talk then not. My son, on the other hand, tells me nothing (he's 14). He'll answer my gentle questions, but does not volunteer the info. like his older sister.
I have the opposite issue... my 16 yr. old daughter tells me everything. Things I didn't even want to know, in fact. But it's better that she talk then not. My son, on the other hand, tells me nothing (he's 14). He'll answer my gentle questions, but does not volunteer the info. like his older sister.
LOL, same here with my daughter. She even asked me if I wanted her to tell me when she had sex for the first time. I said "NO!"
So, what tricks have worked for you in getting them to willingly confide and share?
Cook something together. They don't have to make eye contact with you since they're busy with the preparation, and usually they start to open up. (This works with pre-teen and teenage nieces, too. )
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. Things I didn't even want to know, in fact. But it's better that she talk then not. My son, on the other hand, tells me nothing (he's 14). He'll answer my gentle questions, but does not volunteer the info. like his older sister.
)
