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He works, he has a full time job with benefits, he has a stable paycheck, has an apartment with a roommate and great aspirations for his future.
So I don't get where he isn't capable of supporting himself.
And we aren't to that stage yet, we are two young 20-somethings in a relationship, and I occasionally stay at his place, its what everyone my age does, one of my cop friends doesn't live with his serious girlfriend and they sleep over at each others.
And why is it up to him to provide me a home when we are not at that stage yet just because I lost where I was living? That's not his issue, that's not up to him to provide, why would I burden him with that when its not serious enough yet to move in together.
But then why do you burden your mother with that? You provide him sex but you provide your mother nothing but grief, you don't care for her at all - so why does lover-boy get off scot-free but your mother is expected to provide you free room and board any time you can't make it on your own?
At your age, it's no longer up to your mother to provide for you either - so really the best thing since you're considerate of your sex partner about not being a burden, why not just go live on your own?
To me it sure seems like you are only using your mother for what you can get out of her because you sure don't care for her. It's just time to grow up and make it on your own. Then make your own rules.
I WANT to be able to talk to my mom but she's such a cruel and judgmental person.
She and I do not have the kind of mother\daughter relationship that allows for that kind of conversation. I have never been able to open up with her about BC, periods, shaving, anything womanly. I have said time and time again I hide things from her and lie to avoid the crap that comes out of her mouth.
She CANNOT have a conversation about something with me without belittling me for my choices or calling me names or telling me I am wrong. Its all one sides and god forbid I have my own opinion on a matter it makes her even more pissed off.
I can talk to my friends, Dr's, other friends mothers about this stuff but not my own because of my mom's lack of ability to have a conversation with out trying to insult the other person.
I don't despise my mom. I want her to stop acting the way she does and saying the things she does because usually its just to be mean to me.
She can't ever have a conversation with me its all telling me how its going to be and taking everything so seriously. I can't ever just talk to her,all she ever does is nag and yell and call me names. I would LOVE to have a conversation with her, a REAL conversation with her without her calling me names or belittling me.
When you're an adult, you accept that your parents are entitled to their own opinions. When you're already grown up you accept that probably they weren't perfect but they tried their best - and even where you think they didn't - it's like oh well - they are what they are.
Why do you insist on changing your mother? You gripe that she doesn't accept you for what you are - but you're just as bad, you don't accept her for the way she is.
It's better to just end the roommate-with-your-mother relationship. Get beyond the child-parent thing and be your own adult. Don't use her for a free place to stay - like any free place to stay, there are most likely downsides to it. Accept that her home is her home, you need to make your own home.
She doesn't HAVE to approve of your lifestyle but she can have her opinion and rules for ANYONE living under her roof.
I think the only thing that can help your relationship with her is to move out, accept that she and you don't have to have the same opinions and ideas. Later you might also try to see things from her viewpoint also - but whether she sees them from yours is up to her.
You can only change what you can change - which is only yourself, others are responsible for their own changes. You can only control what you can control - and you can only control someone else if they let you - she isn't letting you so let it go.
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
I don't know who is more insane here.... txt, or all who keep trying to help her.
This is why i don't make much effort with her anymore....txt doesn't want advice she just wants to whine or affirmation of decisions she has already made. Mark my words in a year txt will be in the same position, whining about the same things.
My whole reason for starting this thread was based on that other thread, Iwanted to know if there was a line that couldn't be crossed and where that line laid. Personally I think the line exist and it only extends to what happens IN the house.
I spend most my time at work or driving my car less friends around for gas money. If I want to go spend the night at his house or go out at night and sleep else where I think I have earned that right because I spend almost all day at work and all this week I have been working on my days off and I think my time off is 100% up to me, after all I am the ONLY person in the house with a job.
Txt...one of these days, you'll wake up and realize you are not the only person in the universe. Other people are here too. Sometimes, their thoughts, ideas and experiences are valid. Sometimes, whether fair or not, they count for more than yours and sometimes, you just have to go along to get along. The more you argue about whether or not something is "fair", the more you sound like a petulant 14 yo. How you want to live your life is really up to you. Adult or whiney 14 yo? Make a choice and go forth.
Last edited by maciesmom; 01-09-2011 at 08:36 AM..
When you're an adult, you accept that your parents are entitled to their own opinions. When you're already grown up you accept that probably they weren't perfect but they tried their best - and even where you think they didn't - it's like oh well - they are what they are.
Why do you insist on changing your mother? You gripe that she doesn't accept you for what you are - but you're just as bad, you don't accept her for the way she is.
It's better to just end the roommate-with-your-mother relationship. Get beyond the child-parent thing and be your own adult. Don't use her for a free place to stay - like any free place to stay, there are most likely downsides to it. Accept that her home is her home, you need to make your own home.
She doesn't HAVE to approve of your lifestyle but she can have her opinion and rules for ANYONE living under her roof.
I think the only thing that can help your relationship with her is to move out, accept that she and you don't have to have the same opinions and ideas. Later you might also try to see things from her viewpoint also - but whether she sees them from yours is up to her.
You can only change what you can change - which is only yourself, others are responsible for their own changes. You can only control what you can control - and you can only control someone else if they let you - she isn't letting you so let it go.
Your posts are so right on, malamute! I especially like where you pointed out how she's using her mother for a free ride, and she doesn't even like her. What a spit in the face to a mother. Here she is, opening her home to her ungrateful, whining daughter....being such a kind and loving mother as to keep her child from having to live, who knows where, and all she gets is her daughter's emotional battering. She's doing so much to help her daughter and yet her daughter comes onto the Internet and bashes her to pieces, tells everyone what a lousy mother she was and is.
I'm sorry txt, but your actions have done more to make this poster want to put my arms around your mother and tell her, "Oh God, I am so, so sorry that your daughter is so horried and ungrateful." From my point of view, you have done more with your posts to make me/some of us pity your mother, not you. As I said, your mother isn't perfect, no one is...but she deserves more than this. How awful! There is nothing that she has EVER done, to deserve the disrespect that you give her. I'm sorry, but no parent deserves that. You may not even say those things to her face, but she's not stupid enough to not know how you feel. WE know how you feel about her as you've not been the least shy is telling us.
"You reap what you sow"...such a powerful statement. You will reap what you sow, txt. What you do to others WILL be done to you....that's karma. You may think that your mother is getting what she deserves, but it is not up to YOU to dole out her "karma". Remember, all that you do, will be done back to you...some day. You better start sowing what you want to reap... or you're going to be very, very sorry.
After a careful review of this thread, I see nothing to indicate that it has anything to do with parenting.
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There is nothing that she has EVER done, to deserve the disrespect that you give her. I'm sorry, but no parent deserves that. You may not even say those things to her face, but she's not stupid enough to not know how you feel. WE know how you feel about her as you've not been the least shy is telling us. 