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You agreed yourself - if the kid didn't have you to bring him to places, he wouldn't bother to go. And he has his own car. There is nothing stopping him from picking up his own ball and running with it. Except you. You are preventing him from TAKING responsibility for himself, at the current moment. He hasn't hit rock bottom. If he has, he would either stay there, or pick himself up. He hasn't had to make that decision, because you gave in and picked him up for him.
He doesn't have money for gas. How do you expect him to find a job if he can't get there? I'd much rather drive him than give him money because money isn't the solution to his problem.
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Originally Posted by AnonChick
You're treating him as if he's your own child. He's not. He's not your responsibility.
The world would be a much worse place if everyone thought like this.
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Originally Posted by AnonChick
He's leeching your kindness, he's taking advantage of you, he's dragging his girlfriend into it.
I took the boy out to find a job. It's not a big deal. It's a mere afternoon. I'm not a selfish person. My free time is not more important than helping ensure that a minor doesn't end up in the streets. Once a person ends up in the streets, it's hard to get out off the streets.
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Originally Posted by AnonChick
He's stressing you out (you've posted several times that this is stressing you out) which has an effect on how you interact with your -own- family...
It hasn't changed how I interact with my own family. Goodness. I'm an extremely calm person. The stress this creates is inside and merely momentary. When I'm with my family, I'm not stressed out about this.
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Originally Posted by AnonChick
And then they get bitter when they discover that most people are *not* Hopes.
Hopes has set clear boundaries. He wants to live here and I won't let him---yet. He might live here someday. He may never live here. Time will tell. But I'm not going to leave him out there without offering him assistance and advice on how to improve his situation.
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Originally Posted by AnonChick
I've dealt with kids like this. They don't grow up grateful that someone else's mom gave them rides to turn in job applications they didn't really care much about filling in. They grow up *expecting* other people to do their work for them. And then they get bitter when they discover that most people are *not* Hopes.
Funny. I had two other teens stay with me last year who proved otherwise. They are on their own and supporting themselves. They are not bitter. They are succeeding.
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Originally Posted by phonelady61
I think maybe you need to put your foot down and tell them what is and is not acceptable and if he does not want to listen dont help him anymore and tell him he is on his own.
It will be interesting to see how he turns up today. I told him khaki pants, collared shirt, clean shaven. He can't have a good excuse this time. I dropped him off at the house he's staying early in the evening. He had plenty of time to do his laundry, etc.
I used to see this all the time at the law firm I worked for. I had to literally SPELL OUT for our clients how to dress for court (no logo t-shirts, tank tops, blue jeans, open toed sandals, shorts, yada yada yada). We'd see everything from shorts and flip flops to Britney Spears (bare midriff and short short skirts). These weren't just kids, often adults too appeared like this. If a judge was in bad humor, he'd often send them home to change and THEN reschedule the hearing.
I don't blame the judge for sending them home to change. Love he'd wait for them to change before rescheduling the hearing. If they didn't learn how to dress for court after that, they deserve to be found guilty on the grounds of their sheer stupidity! LOL
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington
I get what you're saying about kids outgrowing their clothes. Once or twice a year, DH would announce that his parents invited us to church because his father was preaching, and he promised we'd attend. He'd pull this on me at the last minute. The girls would then try on their "dressy" clothes and shoes, which were always outgrown. Then he'd say, "Find something of yours for them to wear." I was always thin, and the girls were chunky in adolescence, so that didn't work, either. Luckily, the 24-hour Walmart Super Center opened in our little town.
What would we parents do without 24 hour stores?!?!
This is a bit off topic, but has to do with what we teach our kids. I'm in the south, and we had a decent amount of snow here this week, a very unusual occurrence. One of my sons has not yet returned to college, so I suggested he send out an email to our neighbors offering his snow shoveling service.
He got several calls, and made quite a bit of money, but what absolutely floored me were those who called who had perfectly healthy young teens at home. They would rather pay a kid than maybe get one of their own up off the couch to do a little physical labor. Most of these kids managed to come up with the energy to go sledding.
My next door neighbor's kids are teens (around 15, and around 17, not sure their exact ages). Rather than shovel/snowblow their family out of their house, they get on their ATVs and wreak havoc throughout the neighborhood.
In the spring/summer/autumn when there's lawnmowing to do and shrubbery to trim, they're using their dirt bikes in their back yards, around and around in circles for hours on end.
In the evenings, whenever their driveway is cleaned (by their parents), they're slamming their skateboards up and down the ramp, flipping them over, slamming them back down on their wheels to the ground, and going back around to fly up the ramp again.
Of course, our bedroom is right next to their garage, driveway, and the edge of their back yard. So we get to experience the irritation when we get up in the morning, and when we go to bed at night. We can thank their parents for buying them these things and encouraging them to use them, because the rest of the world doesn't exist and who cares what the neighborhood thinks?
The neighbors on the OTHER side of the house, have younger kids, and daddy dearest thinks it's a grand idea to take his 7-year-old daughter on the back of his ATV to fly down the long drive in the snow at top speed, like an amusement park ride.
Kids have no common sense, because their parents are idiots.
My next door neighbor's kids are teens (around 15, and around 17, not sure their exact ages). Rather than shovel/snowblow their family out of their house, they get on their ATVs and wreak havoc throughout the neighborhood.
In the spring/summer/autumn when there's lawnmowing to do and shrubbery to trim, they're using their dirt bikes in their back yards, around and around in circles for hours on end.
In the evenings, whenever their driveway is cleaned (by their parents), they're slamming their skateboards up and down the ramp, flipping them over, slamming them back down on their wheels to the ground, and going back around to fly up the ramp again.
Of course, our bedroom is right next to their garage, driveway, and the edge of their back yard. So we get to experience the irritation when we get up in the morning, and when we go to bed at night. We can thank their parents for buying them these things and encouraging them to use them, because the rest of the world doesn't exist and who cares what the neighborhood thinks?
The neighbors on the OTHER side of the house, have younger kids, and daddy dearest thinks it's a grand idea to take his 7-year-old daughter on the back of his ATV to fly down the long drive in the snow at top speed, like an amusement park ride.
Kids have no common sense, because their parents are idiots.
for the most part you got this right, reminds me of the old saying "the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree."
Isn't one of the primary benefits to having kids is so that THEY can do the stuff you know needs to be done but you don't want to do anymore? In my house, this includes: shoveling snow, cleaning up the backyard after the dog, weeding, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming stairs, washing windows....
My wife's cousin told me that she would be a bad mother if she made her kids help her around the house or make them either eat what she makes for dinner or make own. BTW they are 18 & 12
She complains ad nauseum about them and gets mad that no one feels sorry for her. She was late for work because she had to dress her 12 year old for school If my kids, who were far from perfect, had ever pulled that garbage they wouldn't have made it to school alive. I would love to tell this women to either crack the whip or , but she is family.
A LOT of kids are clueless when it comes to this stuff.
I spent high school doing DECA and learned a lot from all that plus I was a 90's kid, most 90's kids aren't as corrupted and clueless as say idk the teens of today, we're kind of like the last semi-normal generation.
I have this friend who is only like 13 months younger than me, she's 20, and she doesn't get HALF of the things she should be getting, lets put it this way, she's worse than I am and she plays helpless so much more.
We both applied to the same place yet separately and she accused me of stealing the position from her, I A) told her about the place hiring and got us both apps and B) its not my fault im older and have a better resume. She also never called them back or chatted up the person she gave her application to, she just runs the application in and is back out to my car in like 2 seconds. I always ask to hand my applications into a manager if I can and try to look like I really want the job.
They need to make a class mandatory for this kind of stuff. I usually end up wanting to bang my head on the steering wheel in frustration with some of the stuff she does and says.
She OVER dresses for turning in applications, I'm sorry but over dressing doesn't help you,it just makes you look like you don't know what you are doing and don't know how to dress for appropriate occasions.
For BBB, I wore some nicer pants, not jeans and a polo and the other day when I interviewed at my old job,I wore skinny jeans tucked into UGG boots and a long sleeve shirt, ALL clothes from the store.
A LOT of kids are clueless when it comes to this stuff.
I spent high school doing DECA and learned a lot from all that plus I was a 90's kid, most 90's kids aren't as corrupted and clueless as say idk the teens of today, we're kind of like the last semi-normal generation.
I have this friend who is only like 13 months younger than me, she's 20, and she doesn't get HALF of the things she should be getting, lets put it this way, she's worse than I am and she plays helpless so much more.
We both applied to the same place yet separately and she accused me of stealing the position from her, I A) told her about the place hiring and got us both apps and B) its not my fault im older and have a better resume. She also never called them back or chatted up the person she gave her application to, she just runs the application in and is back out to my car in like 2 seconds. I always ask to hand my applications into a manager if I can and try to look like I really want the job.
They need to make a class mandatory for this kind of stuff. I usually end up wanting to bang my head on the steering wheel in frustration with some of the stuff she does and says.
She OVER dresses for turning in applications, I'm sorry but over dressing doesn't help you,it just makes you look like you don't know what you are doing and don't know how to dress for appropriate occasions.
For BBB, I wore some nicer pants, not jeans and a polo and the other day when I interviewed at my old job,I wore skinny jeans tucked into UGG boots and a long sleeve shirt, ALL clothes from the store.
Wearing an outfit from the store was a very smart move! You did your homework, and deserve that job. Congratulations and good luck to you, and also your friend - sometimes we have to learn things the hard way.
Isn't one of the primary benefits to having kids is so that THEY can do the stuff you know needs to be done but you don't want to do anymore? In my house, this includes: shoveling snow, cleaning up the backyard after the dog, weeding, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming stairs, washing windows....
My youngest daughter always seemed to prefer the most (for me) UNPLEASANT jobs - i.e., scrubbing things (like the floor, the bathtubs, the toilets). As long as she did some chores around the house, I didn't care which ones she did. If given the choice between cleaning up her room or scrubbing the toilets, she'd scrub the toilets. Go figure?????
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In my house, this includes: shoveling snow, cleaning up the backyard after the dog, weeding, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming stairs, washing windows....
If my kids, who were far from perfect, had ever pulled that garbage they wouldn't have made it to school alive. I would love to tell this women to either crack the whip or 
, but she is family.
