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Well, given the severity of his disorders, I'm sure there were other factors. But I don't know anything about his parents, so I can't assume it was their fault, entirely.
My parents approach with me was to convince me why I shouldn't want to do something. I think that was more effective than saying "don't do that or else."
If something is forbidden, that just makes people want it even more.
For one, I think because of the hurdles it takes to get over here, we tend to see "la creme de la creme" you might say when it comes to Asians unless they showed up here illegally as boat people crammed into some makeshift raft.
And it's true you can browbeat a child and force the child to study study study and practice practice practice. Just like the yuppie parents trying to force little newborns into becoming Einsteins by never allowing free play and forcefeeding letter and numbers and music the entire day. Yes they will learn something and will repeat back like little parrots the only things they ever hear.
Later on the effects of this wear off. In college you see these students - for example in chemistry lab when the professor walks out, these students from Asian countries are still serious and taking notes and behaving perfectly while the American students start goofing off and telling jokes and laughing. The Asians don't get it, they don't know how to have fun, to play. Nor do the baby Einstein kids who were never allowed to explore and discover on their own.
These kids will do okay if they never leave academics, they can move on to lab assistants and professors but the real world exists for those who aren't afraid of it. In the workplace many Asians that learned at some point to laugh and goof off some of the time can make it and do just fine.
I've worked with Asians who were pretty much average in the workplace or slightly above but not exceptional. But some have trouble relating, don't now how to relieve stress and have difficulty understanding workplace dynamics. Some are okay with financial sheets and numbers but not good at reading people which can make them poor managers.
Like I hear stories about how some Asian kids get beat with a ruler or are forced to stand on one leg for hours if they make a B in school here in the US. Like when they finish high school and stuff, do they end up being the kids who make six figures? (since good grades in high school get you into a good university which correlates to a well paying job)
Personal experience, I have known 2 kids with parents like that.
One was an Indian kid, 4.0 HS GPA and 2350 GPA. He went off to Harvard and now his sister tells me he is depressed because he could handle the independence that college gave him. The kid has a low GPA (way too low for med school) and that is about all I heard.
One was a Korean kid, he got a full ride to state university but ended up blowing it because he partied too much in college.
I know most should end up being successful but anyways, what have your experiences been with this?
This really isn't Asian specific. Many children who have over-controlling parents end up losing their way when they finally taste freedom. It can happen in families of all cultures and religions. Restricting freedom in the United States can cause rebellion in the teen years or create adult children who don't know how to make decisions for themselves once they are on their own. It would be different if the children were being raised in a society where all children are over-controlled, but American society is designed for independence. As a result, giving children varying degrees of independence throughout childhood at appropriate ages better prepares them for being successful adults in this culture.
Depends on what you mean by strict... No TV or games? Curfew? Not allowed to hang out with friends? Must make straight A's? Uncontrolled beatings? Emotional abuse? Obviously it can get out of control and end in suicide or homicide. Some kids don't have the guts to handle all the expectations. Some kids have mental illness. It is difficult to tie it all together with a neat causal relationship. And I don't think it is necessarily restricted by race / culture.
My sisters and I all ended up completely different personalities - all with very similar strict and often times violent upbringing (the violence and abuse usually goes both ways and typically had nothing to do with academic issues). I believe how your child ends up can be a crap shoot. It's not that you have no control over it, but not everything that happens is the parent's fault.
I'm beginning to wonder if the Asians I hang out with are some rare breed. I can assure you that intellectual, disciplined Asians do indeed know how to rock out and have fun. Some of the best parties I've been to have been hosted by Asians.
Anyone been to a traditional Chinese 10 course wedding dinner and reception? Toast after toast with the best wines and champagnes. Dancing. Gambling. Poker. Mahjong. "Those Asians" start clinking their spoons on their champagne flutes and the bride and groom have to kiss and all the guests have to take a swig... Wow. They put the Polish to shame and I know Polish weddings.
One of the funniest guys I know was born in mainland China and came to the U.S. in his 20's. The party is not complete until Ting walks through the door.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 01-16-2011 at 09:27 AM..
Haha, they should play that in the USA prime time channels everyday. Nothing like a bit of fear to drive the competitive spirit.
Fear is pretty much the only thing I respond to...
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