Feeling "inadequate?" (party, game, parents, girls)

[NYMD67]

I am just curious if anyone out there ever feels that they aren't "good enough" as a mom? not in the caring & loving way, but in the "fun" way?

I have a cousin who I was very close to, we are still close, however, over the past few years, our relationship is different. Partly because we don't live near eachother any longer but we also are very different when it comes to our parenting.

I am what I think to be, a very loving and nurturing mom to our children. I am though, fairly strict & not someone who enjoys doing all kinds of crafts or things like that. Give me a book to read to them or a board game or fun school activity, I am fine with it, but I don't like crafts and really, never have. Not even as a child.
My cousin on the other hand LOVES them and has encouraged her daughter to do the same.
The only thing is that I think she sometimes carries things too far....
She has always made both of her children's birthday invitations, she makes their cakes (theme decorated,etc...) and always has some type of very imaginitve craft & game at their parties.
In addition, they put on a pretty extravagant slide show of their children's achievements through that year & her scrapbooks are always up to date and displayed at these parties.
My 2nd daughter (who is 4) doesn't even have a scrapbook yet! (sad...but true...).
Not only does she have an up to date scrapbook for both of her children, but this past Xmas, she displayed a scrapbook she made for her daughter of all of her American Girl dolls?? and all the fun she has with them.
She wanted to display her daughter's creativity (as she said) because she makes her own accessories for the dolls instead of purchasing the high priced ones from the AG catalogs.
That was a bit over the top I felt, I mean, in reality, who has time to make a scrapbook of their child's doll activities? however, I am sure her daughter will cherish it.
I on the other hand, have never made anything for our children.
I don't like to sew, just don't like to do crafts.

My birthday invitations are bought & dare I say that last year, we sent out E-vites!?? I have only made 1 birthday cake (the obligatory Barbie in her dress one... and it didn't turn out very pretty) and the parties do sometimes have an organized craft, but only because I feel like I HAVE to have one.

This past week my cousin announced their big "theme" for their son's party next month and all the crafty things she is doing for his invitations & I said to her "well, save some paper & a stamp, you don't need to send us one" only because we again, don't live near them & we won't be attending. She became "insulted" and said she wanted me to see the invitations. I said that I could see my mom's when we are there and she insisted that she send one because they are "soooo cute, they rock!".
Although I know she truly does enjoy doing these things, sometimes I can't help but think that it is for "show" sometimes, and she becomes especially exagerrated when talking to me about these things because she knows that I don't enjoy doing things like that.

Almost every year, she insists on purchasing something crafty for my daughter (this past year it was an AG craft set, sewing purses) and it always requires my "help" and I don't appreciate it. I feel like it is done on purpose and in turn, just really makes me feel horrible about the fact that I don't like to do these things.

Everything she does for her kids, she talks about and it just kind of makes me think how I don't do these things....

Everyone has things they enjoy but just wondering if anyone ever feels that they just don't do enough?

[strawflower]

Who cares?! We're all different as parents and it seems like you're trying to make an issue where there isn't one. Just be the best parent YOU can be and don't worry about what other people are doing!

[LeavingMassachusetts]

I think it is great what she does. My Mother was like you, wonderful but not creative at all. As a result, there was a side of me that went completely untapped until I was an adult.

Turns out I am very creative. I love to sew and design, decorate, refinish furniture, paint and all kinds of other crafts. Had I known all of this as a child, I may have gone in a completely different path career wise as an adult.

Don't stifle it just because you don't like it

[Pitt Chick]

Quit comparing yourself to others.
We all have different talents and passions.
Nothing wrong with what you cousin does (I'm pretty crafty/artsy like her!).... nothing wrong with what you do.

[h886]

Everyone has their own talents. Some people are great with crafts and others just aren't, plain and simple. There is no reason for you to feel inadequate, or jealous (which is what I'm really reading) because you do something different with your daughter or because you choose to send bought invitations instead of making them yourself.

However, put on a nice face and try to love and appreciate your cousin for who she is. In the same way I think it would be rude for anyone to scoff at your invites or evites, I think it's rude for you to say not to send you an invitation when you know she enjoys doing it. Heck, you can burn it in a jealous rage later if you want to, but the civil thing to do is to just thank her and continue doing things your way. Just because she enjoys being super-craft woman doesn't mean it's a slam against your style of parenting. I like to sew but I've never been good at paper crafts or slide shows, etc. Heck, I'm not even very good at sewing, but I still like doing it for fun. All the same, when my sister wants to show off her homemade cards, I smile and remark nicely over them because I love her and enjoy what makes her happy, even if it's something different from what I do.

Same thing with presents for your daughter. I got all sorts of crazy stuff from aunts and uncles over the years from a rock tumbling machine to a flower press. Sometimes it's nice to get things that our parents would never pick because it may spark a talent we never knew we had, a hobby we never would have thought of otherwise. It's not an insult to you. Lots of little girls like crafty things. If your daughter doesn't, she can donate it. If she does, you two can learn together.

[Hopes]

It sounds like you're jealous of your cousin.

It's a shame you've let your relationship change because of this.

And it sounds like you're the one who changed the relationship with your negativity.

Every parent is different. Celebrate both of your strengths.

Take an interest in seeing her invitations---because she's your cousin and you love her.

Be content and happy with yourself so you can appreciate the happiness of others.

Let go of the guilt.

[chicagojlo]

I'm sure there is a side of you that your cousin is just as jealous of. The fact that she appears to exaggerate this side of herself around you is a good indication that she does feel the need to live up to you in some way. I wouldn't let it get to you.

FYI I am 'crafty' and my kids don't have scrapbooks. I wasn't aware they were supposed to.

You can't measure your own parenting skills against others, each parent, child and family is different. And anyway when does she find time to do all that stuff? Is it time that you usually spend with your kids or your partner or at work? Something to consider.

[DewDropInn]

You know, not being crafty isn't a sin. No one gets turned away at the Pearly Gates because they can't use a glue gun. Admit that you aren't crafty to her! Invite her over. Take SHAMELESS advantage of her abilities. Heck, I'd have her over for tea and let her make MY valentine cards while we talked. She gets to craft. You get fabulous, one-of-a-kind Valentines, and your kids become friends. Its a win-win.

p.s. People give presents to people that they actually want for themselves. Think about it. I bet you do. We all do.

[NYMD67]

Originally Posted by DewDropInn

You know, not being crafty isn't a sin. No one gets turned away at the Pearly Gates because they can't use a glue gun. Admit that you aren't crafty to her! Invite her over. Take SHAMELESS advantage of her abilities. Heck, I'd have her over for tea and let her make MY valentine cards while we talked. She gets to craft. You get fabulous, one-of-a-kind Valentines, and your kids become friends. Its a win-win.

p.s. People give presents to people that they actually want for themselves. Think about it. I bet you do. We all do.

I would have them over, but they live 7 hours away

I really don't think I give presents that I would want, at least, not all the time. I do purchase crafty things for her children because I know they like them, my kids do do SOME crafts, but they are usually not my idea.. hehehe...

I suppose there is probably a little bit of "jealousy" that I don't do these things or don't enjoy them. My mom is very crafty and I know she wishes (in her unsaid ways) that I was more so. She sewed for us, made all kinds of ceramic things for us (such as our piggy banks,etc...). Somehow, that gene was left out of me!

[Hopes]

For the record, I can be crafty when I have the energy (which is rare). I raised my children to young adulthood and there isn't one scrapbook in my house. I'm totally okay with that.