Will I ever be a mother? (teenager, baby, pills, playing)
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I have always wanted to be a mother, and have always loved babies/children. Unfortunately, when my husband and I decided to "try" for a baby. It didn't happen easily. Actually, it didn't happen at all. It turned out that after an extensive infertility workup, I had blocked tubes. So the only way for me to ever have a baby was through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).
We were very lucky, my husband was working for a company that actually covered and paid for the IVF cycles. Our son was conceived four years after we were married and is now 12 years old.
I always knew I wanted a second child. I grew up with siblings and wanted my son to have at least one sibling. After a failed IVF attempt, we knew adoption was a great option. We adopted our beautiful daughter through an open adoption plan. She is now 6 years old.
For me, motherhood is a miracle. You may have a change of a heart in the future. But for now, just enjoy life. Yes, babies/children DO change your world completely around. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Congrats on your wonderdul family! Glad you have two precious kids
Do you mind me asking how old were you when you had your first?
You still have plenty of time to figure it out. I had my first at 37, and second at 40. I love kids, but I had some reservations about having them, mainly based on my own insecurities about being a good parent. My husband and I travelled a lot, and had some great adventures before settling down. Do what feels right for you.
I just say you really cannot put a time limit on when you may feel the urge to have a family. You may not feel like it at 28 but feel it at 33; you just never know.
I never babysat, didn't want to... didn't gush over babies or kids at all growing up. I liked my freedom and own time. I didn't even get what the big deal was. I married young, but didn't end up thinking that I wanted children until I was in my early 30s. Now, with two girls later, I'd take the poopy diapers, lack of sleep, challenging parental times over everything.
Maybe it won't be for you... it's not for my sister. But definitely don't put a time limit on yourself. Just let things go and you'll see if you want kids or not. It's ok not to too.
I think I would want to have some kids some day ( My hubby doesn't mind either way). I haven't pictured my life with kids yet, I just think they're adorable, that's all. If by the time I'm 28 I don't feel differently about having a kid (I'm 25 now) I will come to the conclusion that I'm just not the maternal type and babies are not for me..
So What made you want to have a kid?
I was just like your husband - indifferent. My wife convinced me to take the training class that is required to become a foster parent. Through the classes I came to really understand the need. Almost 2 years ago, at the age of 40, I became a dad to a sweet little 8 month old girl. 2 months ago, her newborn brother joined our family as well. We are in the final stages of adopting her and plan on adopting him when the time comes. They come from multiple generations of poverty and drug abuse. Lord willing, we'll help them break that cycle. It is rough at times, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
Congrats on your wonderdul family! Glad you have two precious kids
Do you mind me asking how old were you when you had your first?
Thank you, and of course I don't mind! I got pregnant at 31, and turned 32 a few months before my son was born. I had just turned 38 when my daughter was born.
Thank you for your reply. My sentiments exactly. It's not really that I think they are annoying but the responsabilities that come with them overshadow my view on the beauty of motherhood. Until I feel otherwise, I still think that babies are not for me.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting children, if in the end you decide not to have them.
One can't really explain to someone who doesn't have a child what it feels like to be a mother, simply because you are thinking in the abstract and don't yet feel that attachment to the specific human being that is your child and can't feel it until that child actually exists.
I never liked kids, never wanted them! Still don't really like other peoples kids! I started feeling the urge for my own at 37. The feelings became very strong and I just hoped it wasn't too late by then. I didn't get married until 38. I had my kids at 40,43, and 47. So, all worked out. I hope it works for you and your husband, whatever you decide. I'm sure some couples are very happy without children.
Thank you for your reply. My sentiments exactly. It's not really that I think they are annoying but the responsabilities that come with them overshadow my view on the beauty of motherhood. Until I feel otherwise, I still think that babies are not for me.
I think it's more important for your husband and you to consider if you like doing things that involve kids. Camping trips for example, or watching them play sports. It's not just a matter of having them but having the lifestyle that accomodates them.
For example if fine restaurants, nice vacations even when school is in session, money for the luxuries matters a whole lot, it can be better to just never have kids. You can't just decide a baby is cute and have one because they're only babies for about 2 years.
It's really just hard to say.....I would absolutely say I am not a baby person (still)...and....if someone would have asked me before I had kids (or even occasionally after to be perfectly honest) if I would prefer watching children's sporting/musical events or going on a luxury vacation during non-crowd times I'd have said the vacay for sure. All that said, I personally have found parenting to be the coolest (and most stressful) thing I've ever been a part of. But, it's not for everyone. Go with your gut - but if you make the decision to have children, there is no turning back. You must give it all you've got.
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! Glad you have two precious kids
