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Lets say that you are out of debt, you own your home or will have it free and clear soon, your retirement is fully funded and you have money left over. No problem helping the kids out. If that is not the case then the kids are on their own. Parents should never go into debt to help their kids stay out of debt. They should also not put off saving for retirement to help out the kids. Your kids have plenty of time to recover or find a differant route to pay for college.
I find it interesting that a person can paint someone with the whole "Bad Parenting" brush based on one single aspect.
Well, I guess I should clarify that I don't agree with the bad parenting part, but OTOH, I do think it's good parenting to save for college. I hope that makes sense, that I see a difference.
I agree with "save as much as you can". Saving nothing on purpose is not good. The lives you impact will be your kids'.
I don't think a parent should go in to debt to finance their kids' education...but one shouldn't have to do that anyway.
18 years is a long time to save. Put $50 a month into a Coverdell account beginning at birth, you'll have over $14k when they're 18. Is that going to pay for everything? No, but it's something.
To willfully say "I'm not helping my child with college, and purposefully so"...I just don't get that.
I don't think a parent should go in to debt to finance their kids' education...but one shouldn't have to do that anyway.
18 years is a long time to save. Put $50 a month into a Coverdell account beginning at birth, you'll have over $14k when they're 18. Is that going to pay for everything? No, but it's something.
To willfully say "I'm not helping my child with college, and purposefully so"...I just don't get that.
Hate to tell you but $14K is a drop in the bucket -even for a state school.
I don't think too many parents say that...although I did have some friends who said that (but that was when their children were very young - not sure if they changed their minds or not). They were both people who were quite successful. Had put themselves through school while working without help from their parents. Both worked hard graduated with honors and were successful in their respective careers. They felt strongly that a part of that was because they had to work so hard to achieve what they did. They saw many of their peers spend 4-6 years enrolled in school, attending when they weren't hung over and all on their parents' dime. They swore they would not do that. Now, as I said I don't know if they changed their tune or not, but I don't believe that made them "bad parents". It made them parents with a different perspective than mine. My DD is in school. She has a college fund helping her with part of it, she is taking out loans, she has a scholarship, she is working 20+ hours a week, maintaining a very good GPA and we are helping her out. We hope she'll graduate with under $20K in student loans. It's a combination of things. Do I feel obligated to pay more so she doesn't go into debt? Nope - not a bit.
It became the responsibility of parents when they decided to give birth.
Why WOULDN'T you want to do this? Don't you want to give your kids the best chance in life possible?
I can see if something happens in life and suddenly your savings are wiped out or something...but to intentionally not save for your kids to go to college? Sorry, that's bad parenting.
Really, I HAVE to send my child to college b/c I birthed him?
I "have" to?
Life isn't fair.
It isn't awful. It isn't terrible. It has good in it. It has beauty in it.
But it is not fair.
And to say that a parent who does not foot the bill for their child's college is not giving them the best chance....that's not accurate & sure isn't "bad" parenting.
This age of instant everything is making our youth incapable of waiting; of working; of being told "no". Of having to wait or do something outside of their comfort zone that is not at their fingertips.
No, it is NOT bad parenting not to foot the bill of your child's education.
It's bad parenting to beat your child. It is bad parenting to not feed your child; clothe your child; berate your child.
It's bad parenting to never let your child feel disappointment, confusion, sadness, frustration. It's bad parenting to give them everything they want w/o a clue where it came from or how it arrived b/c you want to give your child "Every chance" b/c they are so special blah blah blah blah blah
College is a PRIVILEDGE, not a right.
Some families cannot afford college. Some don't believe in it. Some feel it is up to the child to figure out how to pay for it.
THAT is not "bad" parenting. It's life.
Taking out a 2nd & 3rd mortgage on your home that you will then never be able to pay back so your child can go away to school....that is dangerous.
Signing off on $50-$60k worth of loans so your child can go away to school...that is dangerous.
Not bad parenting, but dangerous.
I somehow managed to work in high school & be involved in sports. It's amazing...my parents let me have some $$ & also put some away for school...wow, what I concept..."I" was taught responsibility & if "I" wanted to go to college, "I" was going to figure out how to pay for a portion of it. And my parents told me that nope, they would never sign a loan (they never did) nor would they foot the whole bill. Figure out a college that could be afforded w/ grants, scholarships, what I had saved, & what they could afford. I was angry for weeks I couldn't go to Villanova. Too expensive. I remember showing my parents how it could be afforded, with about $50,000 in loans at the time, & my parents told me no, they would not allow me to graduate college w/ $50,000 in loans but hey, great to see how passionate I was about going away to school & to keep looking & bet I would find a very good school at an affordable price. I was beyond angry after that conversation. But now in my 30s, with kids, house, husband, bills...I see just how right they were & that makes me somewhat annoyed
As a parent myself, I surely hope I can pay some portion of my children's college & we hope they do intend to go on to college. But in no way do I feel I am expected to pay it all just b/c I am the "parent".
We have 529's started. $25/mn for each of the 3 children. Wish it could be more, but reality is that other bills are around & tuitions.
For each child w/ a 529 in a 200 month CD, in 17 yrs, we will have saved $36,000 for each child. That is a total of $108,000. It's nothing. So, I can only feel so "bad" for so long & just keep doing my best. In today's world, that would cover a community college. If that is what it covers, then so be it.
Maybe we can add more to the 529s as time goes on, but right now we are doing our best.
And when 14,15, 16 hits...there are lawns to be mowed, driveways to be shoveled, Dairy Queens to be worked at. They can save maybe $2-3,000 over a 4yr period.
I would never tell my child to never go to college but I will never tell my child to not worry, mommy & daddy will take care of it all. That is not fair to them nor us.
[as for work study programs....I did one of those...it is very, very, very hard. But it can be done. It's called desire, discipline & dedication.]
Life isn't a handout. No need to make your child's life awful to prove a point, but no need to coodle them through it all so they have no clue what life is like until they are 22yrs old & back living w/ mommy & daddy b/c they have so much debt they cannot afford to rent an apt
Unfortunately, many people (especially here on CD, so it seems) believe some of the myths about college financing, e.g. if you don't have any money saved, that "automatically" qualifies you for more financial aid; that there are loads of scholarships worth bags of money out there that are unclaimed; etc.
According to a something I read on my daughter's college's financial aid page, unless you are nearly destitute, all you will qualify for is more loan money, which basically means more debt. Re: the unclaimed scholarships, again, most of this is "old wives tales" and trumped up stuff. The best scholarship deals come from the colleges; the other scholarships tend to be small in monetary award, and often non-renewable, e.g. $500 from a service club, or something like that. Now, mind you, that is nothing to sneeze at, but $500 will not get you much even at a state college.
As for "working one's way through", it costs ~$3000/yr at our local CC, for tuition only. That does not include books or other supplies, transportation to/from school, or any general living expenses. Re: textbooks, you can order them off the internet for perhaps a lower price than at the college bookstore, but you can't access them off the internet for free, as some seem to think.
Just my 2c worth, based on having put two through undergrad; one went to grad school on her own power, owes a lot of money; the other will soon be doing the same.
Here is an interesting fact for those of you thinking about college.
In the 1940's many people didn't even graduate from High School. Those same people built this nation that we are living in, fought a World War, and built much of the wealth that is here within our borders.
Today we the people want to get degree after degree so that we can live a better life. All those things that we used to build and create are built in some other nation. Our jobs have left, our companies have left, and our banking system is in ruin and being propped up by the Government. We build nothing except for the schools that we visit to get these degrees. Education is pushed so that we can get a better job. If we continue on our focus we can get a job teaching others at the very schools that we attended or similar.
What has happened with the idea that not everyone has to have a degree. Maybe because the good jobs have left and the only jobs that pay are those that reqire a degree. I doubt that manufacturing jobs will pay because many times they don't exist anymore.
Unfortunately, many people (especially here on CD, so it seems) believe some of the myths about college financing, e.g. if you don't have any money saved, that "automatically" qualifies you for more financial aid; that there are loads of scholarships worth bags of money out there that are unclaimed; etc.
According to a something I read on my daughter's college's financial aid page, unless you are nearly destitute, all you will qualify for is more loan money, which basically means more debt. Re: the unclaimed scholarships, again, most of this is "old wives tales" and trumped up stuff. The best scholarship deals come from the colleges; the other scholarships tend to be small in monetary award, and often non-renewable, e.g. $500 from a service club, or something like that. Now, mind you, that is nothing to sneeze at, but $500 will not get you much even at a state college.
As for "working one's way through", it costs ~$3000/yr at our local CC, for tuition only. That does not include books or other supplies, transportation to/from school, or any general living expenses. Re: textbooks, you can order them off the internet for perhaps a lower price than at the college bookstore, but you can't access them off the internet for free, as some seem to think.
Just my 2c worth, based on having put two through undergrad; one went to grad school on her own power, owes a lot of money; the other will soon be doing the same.
I finished grad school in 2002. I took out about $25,000. I still owe $4,500.
I cannot. Cannot. Cannot wrap my brain around a 22yr old owing $40,000 out of undergrad.
If a family is making over 400% of the federal poverty level, they can basically forget about much of any free money from the schools. And 400% for a family of 5 is $103,000. Thus, a family of 5 w/ an income of $103,000 will have a brutally hard time qualifying for much of anything. If both parents are working, those are salaries of about $70k net. That is probably more common than not.
If a family of 5 is at poverty level (which is in the area of $25,000), they will see a lot.
I am going through it step by step right now w/ a friend who is sending their son off to a school in NY next yr. It's not pretty.
No valid degree is going to be free.
Heck, my dh & I were in the military & were told all about the "free" money from the VA for school. Nothing is "free"
Here is an interesting fact for those of you thinking about college.
In the 1940's many people didn't even graduate from High School. Those same people built this nation that we are living in, fought a World War, and built much of the wealth that is here within our borders.
Today we the people want to get degree after degree so that we can live a better life. All those things that we used to build and create are built in some other nation. Our jobs have left, our companies have left, and our banking system is in ruin and being propped up by the Government. We build nothing except for the schools that we visit to get these degrees. Education is pushed so that we can get a better job. If we continue on our focus we can get a job teaching others at the very schools that we attended or similar.
What has happened with the idea that not everyone has to have a degree. Maybe because the good jobs have left and the only jobs that pay are those that reqire a degree. I doubt that manufacturing jobs will pay because many times they don't exist anymore.
Just a thought.
Although I agree that not everyone needs a degree, I am loathe to say that there are some people who are not "college material" or who should not go to college. My parents were of the WWII generation. My father got a BS in engineering shortly before he entered the service; my mom got her diploma in nursing, then enlisted in the army a few weeks later. My father then got an MS in engineering after the war. He was the one who got the promotions, and was made the dept. head. The "engineers" who didn't go to college, and in some cases didn't even graduate from high scoool, did not get these promotions. My mom was able to have a job that paid enough to make it worth working. The world is a different place than it was before WW II.
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