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Finances......Urgh! Marriage killer #1. I really have no helpful tips, sorry. We fluctuate back and forth with regard to finances. For a number of years I will handle them, then DH, then back again. I think we're finally are at the point where we don't fight about them any more, and we are both on the same page with regard to spending/vs. saving. The only thing that remains contentious sometimes is the big kid expenses, but I think finally DH is understanding that kid activities are expensive, and get more so as they get older. We are both pretty frugal by nature, so that helps.
I do think this is the most under-discussed issue in pre-relationships though.
There's one big difference between hubby and me that causes problems.
He's comfortable taking the accounts to zero. When he pays bills, he'll wipe every penny out.
I panic if the accounts go below a thousand. A thousand is my zero.
Because I think it's important to keep some money on hand since we don't use credit. (We paid off all of our credit cards twice and vowed to never use credit again.)
We purposely keep our extra money tied up into things that are difficult to liquidate. The more difficult it is to access the less likely we'll tap into it unless absolutely necessary.
I did the spreadsheet along with the calendar for a while, but it didn't seem to click with DH like the calendar did. That way he could see exactly what day the bill would be coming out. It was more visual to see that the 17th was on a Wednesday and we weren't paid for 2 more days after that. Looking at just the spreadsheet he would just see that money was due on the 17th, but not know what that meant. I am sorry to say it, but DH is so bad with money and planning that I had to break it down like he is a child.
Fortunately, we work well together because I am still trying to figure out what a stove does and how edible food can come out of a kitchen. Every time I look into the kitchen, I see random things. Then DH walks in and a bit later he has magically made a meal out of those random things. Somehow out dishes are clean and the house gets cleaned up. I am pretty sure a mop is involved (don't ask me how those crazy things work).
But, if his alternator goes out, I will pick up a new one and replace it on the side of the road. If a pipe breaks and is flooding the house, he cleans up the flood while I fix the pipe.
We are backwards to a lot of people, but it works. Just don't ask him what goes into keeping all of the bills paid. lol
btw... It can get really frustrating hearing "what do you mean we don't have any money? Where does it go? What bills had to be paid?" Sometimes it can feel like an accusation.
Finances......Urgh! Marriage killer #1. I really have no helpful tips, sorry. We fluctuate back and forth with regard to finances. For a number of years I will handle them, then DH, then back again. I think we finally are at the point where we don't fight about them any more, and we are both on the same page with regard to spending/vs. saving. The only thing that remains contentious sometimes is the big kid expenses, but I think finally DH is understanding that kid activities are expensive, and get more so as they get older. We are both pretty frugal by nature, so that helps.
I do think this is the most under-discussed issue in pre-relationships though.
I hear you! Hubby was an old bachelor before we got together---he was in his late 30s and had never even lived with someone else. Thankfully he trusted my relationship experience when I told him that money will make us or break us. Since we've been together for 20 years, we're doing something right. And this isn't the first time we've been through difficult times so I know we have the strength for the next bumpy ride. Hubby is more frugal than me, but I can be very frugal when necessary.
There's one big difference between hubby and me that causes problems.
He's comfortable taking the accounts to zero. When he pays bills, he'll wipe every penny out.
I panic if the accounts go below a thousand. A thousand is my zero.
Because I think it's important to keep some money on hand since we don't use credit. (We paid off all of our credit cards twice and vowed to never use credit again.)
We purposely keep our extra money tied up into things that are difficult to liquidate. The more difficult it is to access the less likely we'll tap into it unless absolutely necessary.
We don't have any credit cards, so we can't even fall back on those in an emergency. That does make it harder. I also have the $1,000/0 line. That is so funny. I am starting to see how much alike we are in regards to finances. DH was unemployed for over 2 years, so his unemployment also ran out.
I am glad $1,000 = 0 to me right now because that is about how much it is going to cost to get my van up and running again. So, now we are below my $0 which may be why I was having such a hard week last week. Of course I am trying to completely ignore the evil boss.
btw... It can get really frustrating hearing "what do you mean we don't have any money? Where does it go? What bills had to be paid?" Sometimes it can feel like an accusation.
Yep! That's why I posted. I haven't heard that from hubby for many years because we've done well financially for a long time.
When he said it today, that was a BIG clue that it's going to start agian if I don't create a new system for the upcoming changes in our income.
We don't have any credit cards, so we can't even fall back on those in an emergency. That does make it harder. I also have the $1,000/0 line. That is so funny. I am starting to see how much alike we are in regards to finances. DH was unemployed for over 2 years, so his unemployment also ran out.
I am glad $1,000 = 0 to me right now because that is about how much it is going to cost to get my van up and running again. So, now we are below my $0 which may be why I was having such a hard week last week. Of course I am trying to completely ignore the evil boss.
That is wild how we both have the same $1,000 lower limit! We're definitely going to fall below it here before the checks come next week. That makes me very nervous, but it also tells me that we have a lot of stuff we can cut back. Think about it: We have gone 6 weeks without my receiving a check and we're only feeling it now. Because of that, I know it's very possible for us to live on hubby's income if we make changes to our budget. That helps me not be as afraid for when my unemployment stops in October.
My budget is very detailed, right down to hubby's weekly golfing, which doesn't cost much so he doesn't need to stop golfing. (He finally has time to golf for the first time in many years so I don't want to take that away from him.)
Also, I was thinking to going back to an old fashioned allowance system, where we both have X amount of money each week, and if we spend it we know that's it until the following week.
Totally hear you about the golf budget! I feel the same way about DH's golf budget - one of those planned "luxuries"/sanity-keepers!
We've used the allowance system, too - even when we were both working, although it became even more necessary when one or the other or both (eek!) of us were unemployed. I like knowing what cash I have to play with for the week (or not) - it takes the stress out of things a bit and definitely curbs all of the little expenses that can be budget-killers. It's amazing how quickly they can add up.
I totally concur with you about there being nothing like getting through lean times together to make you know you have a strong marriage. As much as none of us ever want to be there, it's nice to know we've survived it before and can do so again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
I do think this is the most under-discussed issue in pre-relationships though.
Absolutely agree with this! DH and I lived together for several years before we got married, which I definitely think helped ease us into the pooled resources/budgeting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by num1baby
Fortunately, we work well together because I am still trying to figure out what a stove does and how edible food can come out of a kitchen. Every time I look into the kitchen, I see random things. Then DH walks in and a bit later he has magically made a meal out of those random things. Somehow out dishes are clean and the house gets cleaned up. I am pretty sure a mop is involved (don't ask me how those crazy things work).
Ah, num, you crack me up! I'm the same way - I didn't cook for the first 5 years of our marriage because DH is so much better at it than I am. When I started staying home, I took over cooking duties, but I am a far cry from Happy Hannah Homemaker - I think I just missed that gene! DH was very surprised that I CAN cook (I'm more of a baker, which is great except for needing something other than pastry and cake for dinner) and swears that I was holding out on him for all those years. I have about two more years of exclusively cooking before we're "even!" However, DH's Sunday Italian dinners are still a weekly favorite around here.
How many of you CD mom's who rock manage the money?
I have to. Mr. Aconite has ADHD. The results of letting him be responsible are not pretty.
Basically, he gets cash, and his gas tank filled, each week. He has a credit card. Basically, an allowance system, though I hate that term as applied to adults. Other than that, it's all me. It's an ugly job, but I have a lot more time to do it than he does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
That is wild how we both have the same $1,000 lower limit!
I wish. The rocky employment situation for those in Mr. Aconite's field, plus the fact that my self-employed income has pretty much dried up, killed us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
I
When store clerks ask me if I'd like to open a credit card account to save 10% on my purchase, I tell them I'd rather stay married to my husband. LOL
I say the exact same thing! Our only credit cards are low-level and over ten years old. Closing them would be a credit ding, at this point.
Absolutely agree with this! DH and I lived together for several years before we got married, which I definitely think helped ease us into the pooled resources/budgeting.
Yup. I often smile at new couples who talk vehemently about always keeping their finances separate. Having kids tend to mess up that plan.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain
....I am a far cry from Happy Hannah Homemaker - I think I just missed that gene! DH was very surprised that I CAN cook (I'm more of a baker, which is great except for needing something other than pastry and cake for dinner)..
Haha! I am definitely missing the housemaker gene too. I love baking, especially cakes. We are having a nice back-to-school dinner tonight though, so I can do it if so inspired.
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I have about two more years of exclusively cooking before we're "even!" However, DH's Sunday Italian dinners are still a weekly favorite around here.