Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm really concerned about my 16 years old son, Gus. It seems like ever since we and my 10 years old daughter moved in with my husband and his four children, my son totally changed.
Gus have always been an introvert and somewhat odd around new person for most part. I guess loner would be the words to describe him. But I couldn’t believe how bad things have been.
When we first move in, since my husband’s house have five bedrooms and there was 8 of us. My daughter who is 10 and step daughter who is 12 got along great and were fine with sharing the room.
Gus barely talks to any of stepchildren. So we tried to have him share the room with second oldest step son who is 15 since the oldest are twin and have their own room. On the very first night we moved in, Gus walk into the room and told him he isn’t going to share the room and to stay out of his way then he went into the garage and sleep in there.
A couple weeks later, Gus moved into the shed in the back yard and made it into his room. He seems much happier in there, but that still show where he stand when it come to the family.
Gus however does get along with my husband okay. If none of the kids are around, he’d talk with my husband. Also my husband always go to Gus if he need help with anything because Gus have talent when it comes to fixing things and never complain or give a hard time if asked for help. He always get up and help right away.
Other issue on the hand is, Gus is a very responsible person. Ever since he starts to work at a scuba shop that his grandparent own, he haven’t asked for a penny. They also trust him to work there by himself if necessary. In fact he is so responsible that when his grandmother suffered from strokes back in September that made it impossible for her to make the trip to beach house, it was Gus who stepped up and took up the responsibility.
Gus has been gone pretty much almost every weekend. He’d get off work at 830 pm on Friday then go straight to the beach house and stay there until Sunday evening then come back home. There has been absolutely no incident at all.
Because of this, other kids are really jealous of him and, as much as I hate to say this, but they all are no where nearly as mature or responsible as Gus. My husband even openly told his twins this once. Also they bug me about it all of the time and I told them they would have to talk to Gus’ grandparent about it but none of them ever did.
Other thing that come up is, Gus have this two females friends who are 18 and 20 back in the summer. Since it is very rare for Gus to have a friend, I thought they’d disappear in a couple weeks. To my surprise they didn’t. They’re still friend to this day.
The boys are not happy about this, especially since my husband wouldn’t allow them to be around girls over 18 like that. They have been doing everything they could to try get us to stop letting Gus being around those girls. This has created some rift between my husband and I as well.
I don’t know what to do at this point. My husband and I are getting really worried about the whole situation. All kids aren’t happy about anything while Gus is really distant and avoiding the family.
A 16 year old lone wolf (I was one) has a mind divided between home-and-hearth and the future. For him, home is/was his sister and you. When mom and dad add to the family the biological way, a kid has months to get used to it. Now he's dealing with 4 others who are on a lower maturity level than he is. He has his mind fixed on the future and his independence.
As for the independence he enjoys, you cannot revoke a freedom given without starting a war.
He gave up a small household and the requisite privacy. He's gainfully employed, has a talent, gets along with your husband, and probably is attentive at school. Count your blessings that he has chosen to peacefully remove himself to a comfort zone (Grandma and Grandad...boy do I understand that) rather than start a war.
The only "problem" I see is with the two girls, who are legally adults, hanging out with a minor child. If there's sex involved, it could have legal ramifications. Other than that, I'm not seeing any problem at all. Well except maybe with the math.
You have 5 bedrooms. Eight people living in the house. One set of twins sharing one room. That leaves 4 bedrooms with 6 people. Husband and wife sharing a room. That leaves 3 bedrooms and 4 people. Daughter sharing a room with step-daughter. That leaves 2 bedrooms and 2 people. So Gus should be able to get his own bedroom.
On the other hand, if he's used to relative quiet and privacy, and there's a whole other building he can live in on the property and is trustworthy, then I can't blame him for wanting to seek solitude in that other building. If I was ripped out of my current environment and thrust into a crowded home, I'd be looking for more peaceful accommodations as well.
It sounds like Gus is carrying more than his share of the burden for a 16 year old kid. He's working for his grandparents for free? I would tell the other children that if they have a problem with Gus, they can step in and help.
We moved in July.
Yes I know it was a rush on his part, but I and my husband knew each other for almost two years before moving in and Gus made choice to never get know to any other kids. My daughter on other hand gets along with them just fine.
No he doesn’t work for his grandparents for free. I know they sound like stereotype grandparents. Actually he is only warm toward his grandma. He and his grandfather are very similar and so is his great grandfather. They all could sit in a room without saying anything for hours.
I think Gus really look up to them because his great grandfather was a combat diver during WW2 and his grandfather was in some kind of special force during Vietnam. Like both grandfathers, Gus doesn’t get along with his biological father at all either.
Gus might have removed himself peacefully, but when it comes to other kids, it gets really bad. They feel like we’re letting Gus do whatever he wants. That is when the problem starts.
My twin 17 years old sons both are mad about us letting Gus go out of the city on his own every weekend and having older female friends that he sometime take to the beach house as well. I can understand why they’re not happy about it, but they have proven themselves not mature and responsible enough.
The 15 years old is already starting to talk about how he want to do all kind of things that we wouldn't let him do.
They’re always trying to find a way to get his privilege revoked. They complain about everything from Gus carrying a spear gun in the jeep (it was in with all other scuba gears) how one of the girls tagged him in a facebook to picture of her modeling in a thong bikini for a surfing magazine, Gus ditching school during lunch time, and other things.
Then if they get in trouble for something, they try to say they have it harder than Gus or that we never cut them any slack. They have been really pushing the border and getting in troubles a lot lately.
It is so frustrating. I am also worried that he will never get along with them and have no family or anything.
The other kids, on the other hand, sound like they need to learn to live with the 'unfairness' of life, and if they want those privileges then perhaps they should reevaluate their own behavior.
The problem lies not with your son, but with his step siblings. dad needs to man up and let them know 'how things are is how things are' and they will have to deal with it.
My friend in hs had a similar situation where her mom moved her & her older brother (who was 17) into her fiancee's home with a son from a previous marriage. The 2 boys were at each other's throats all the time and her brother became more angry & aloof & got rly heavy into weed.
I know this is kind of late, but is there a way you can live apart from your bf until your son graduates from hs? I know 2 more yrs sounds like an eternity but it might preserve your relationship with your son.
Or could your son move in with his grandparents for the rest of hs? I've heard from several divorced parents that it's not that uncommon when trying to deal with teen conflicts. Teens seem to respect grandparents more.
And one more thing, you & your bf need to sit down & talk to him about birth control, unplanned pregnancies, STD's & drugs/drinking. These are all young adult experiences he's going to encounter if he's hanging around colllege-age kids.
Gus isn't your problem. Restricting Gus isn't the solution. That would be punishing him for being responsible and independent. Deal with the other kids. They are the problem.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
