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1) They are there but you are dead set that its all a dream and unrealistic. You do not choose to see beyond your own views or give any man half a chance. You fail them before they even have the opportunity to fail you.
When I hear they aren't working, they don't have any clue what they want to major in....I automatically become disinterested. I want a man who knows what he wants, and many young men have no freaking clue what they want nor do they even have so much as an idea.
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2) I highly doubt that all the men in your college are d-bags and I think you are giving yourself wayyy to much credit in believing you are the bees knees mature woman for them. You choose who you associate with in college and if you continue to seek out those you think are d-bags then that is your fault not theirs.
I don't associate them, lol. Most college men are just obnoxious, boisterous, and I'm more or less quite and reserved. I also have a preference for men who are out of college and already have something going for them in their lives.
[quote[3) There are more African American men-Black men heading to colleges than in the past. I can't believe you think so poorly of Black men. I am sure that if Michele Obama had your logic in University she would not be the First Lady in the White House and would be kicking herself if Barak act like a donkey on occasion and did not give him a try. And while we are in the subject of Black men I currently have a doctor and a lawyer who are both Black, single and looking to settle down. So they are out there. You just seem to narrow it to your college campus.[/quote]
Barack is actually biracial and he is from a different generation. He is the same age as my father. Now, unless you are suggesting I go for an older man...
Most of the black men I have observed that are successful typically look outside of their ethnicity to settle down. Look at all the successful black men in the community that have settled down with non-white women.
Anywho, THAT is a different topic for another day.
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4) Whether you are in therapy or not its not the point. The point is I feel you need therapy to look at why you have views like this and if you are in therapy now then look for another one who will help you with these issues. Your view on relationships, your father, even if you are bi-polar or not needs to be address. To raise a child with this type of mentality only sets you up for failure in the relationship between you and your child.
Get off your high horse please.
[/quote]5) I have read the thread, time and time again. There is no need to shout through your posts and by shouting shows your lack of maturity and again another reason why you should not consider being a parent now, single or with a partner. Whether you do this a few years from now after you settle down and saw the world, I do not think you will change your views much. I think you are deadset in bringing a child into this world with no idea on what it takes to be a parent.[/quote]
I'm hardly shouting, but maybe if you actually had READ my posts...
And from your responses, you apparently haven't because I never said I was considering becoming a single parent now but in the future. Again, read before post.
This board has been rampant lately with young girls getting pregnant by some guy they barely know, who already is a baby-daddy with some other girl, and they wonder why life is less than ideal That is what I'm talking about. Obviously there are other situations like the one you posted. That is not what I'm talking about.
Well that is shear stupidity on their part, but their situation is far from mine. You can do EVERYTHING right and still have life not be ideal. That's life.
I'm listening, I just don't agree with what some is being said and I keep having people put words in my mouth (all men are rats, for example).
No. You aren't listening. I've asked you a few questions which you've ignored.
And I did not attribute the "men are rats" thing to you specifically. But it's interesting that you think I did. (I used a Creative Writing 101 tool. Very common in literature.)
Sooo.... We're back where we started. I honestly believe all you want is for us to tell you you are right. And I'm not going to do that. Ev-ah. Not on this particular topic. So I'll let you argue with someone else because you and I are just going in circles here. And that's beyond boring.
This board has been rampant lately with young girls getting pregnant by some guy they barely know, who already is a baby-daddy with some other girl, and they wonder why life is less than ideal That is what I'm talking about. Obviously there are other situations like the one you posted. That is not what I'm talking about.
I feel this is directed at me...if so NOT COOL NOT COOL AT ALL.
If not sorry I think the world revolves around me.
I support your choice, Til, as well as others who want to become single parents. As I said in your post, it's not realistic to spend one's life waiting for a partner to travel with, buy a house with, move with, or have children with. An able person who wants to do so should by all means go for it.
A few people in your last post did bring up good points about why they thought you should not plan to go it alone but it's all mostly what-ifs and their experiences. In the end it's ultimately up to you.
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Originally Posted by num1baby
From my personal experience, every single parent (single men and women) that I know have told me that they really wished they had a partner to share parenthood with. Here are the reasons they have shared with me.
The financial aspect: because it adds a LOT of stress knowing that a child depends on your income alone with no backup. Even if one of the parents decides to be a SAHP, the option is always there for the other parent to go back to work in an emergency. We have all seen in the past few years that having a high paying job and plenty in savings doesn't mean anything when you get laid off, your entire industry starts cutting back and you are out of work for 2-3 years.
Someone to share with: This includes good and bad. As a parent, you want someone in your life that will be just as excited as you that the baby just took his first steps. You also need someone to lean on when there is an emergency and you are in the hospital for a week because Jr. got a really bad lung infection and at one point the Drs told you "they will do everything they can, but it isn't looking good". Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc are all good, but they won't understand that pure joy you feel when Jr says that first word. They won't understand the utter grief you go through when you find out your child has a very serious injury.
The time: Parenting is a full time job. 24/7. When Jr gets colic, you haven't slept more than 2 hours in weeks, the baby just won't stop crying and you have to be at work in 3 hours, and you are going through postpartum depression, you need someone there to walk with the baby in the middle of the night so you can get some sleep to keep your sanity and to avoid an accident from happening.
Backup:You also need some backup for when you are getting out of work later than expected and day care closes in 20 minutes, or Jr has been sick on and off for 2 months and if you miss another day of work, you will be fired (which takes us back to the financial aspect.
Another pair of hands: Someone to help around the house, get the baby ready for day care while you get ready for work, or watch the baby while you work around the house or just go grocery shopping. Just grocery shopping becomes much more complicated when you have a little one with you.
I have a few more, but my child is calling me because she woke up with a nightmare. Off to play Mommy again.
Btw... I am not a single mom, but I know plenty and I got to play single mom while my husband was travelling for work for a couple of months. It was so exhausting that I never want to be a single mom. My day started at about 6am and didn't end until about 11-12pm and even then the housework was falling behind. There were days that I didn't get to take my shoes off after work until well after 10pm. And NONE of that was "me" time.
Were your friends single by choice though? I think there's a difference between people who plan and do their best to figure out all the odds and ends of parenting knowing they'll never have a partner to rely on, and those that start out with a partner and later on end up single. Huge difference.
Let me rephrase: some of what you write comes off as short-tempered, dismissive and rude to anyone not agreeing with you. I understand it's frustrating to feel like what you're saying isn't being understood, but not everyone disagreeing with you is missing your point.
And if you read my post,I said what you write SOUNDS cynical to the point of irrationality and SOUNDS idealistic. I have no idea how you are IRL and can't comment on that.
I disagree that you are being attacked. It's great that you are planning, IMO. It's great that you realize it may not go according to plan. I think acknowledging that and acknowledging that you may change, too, is part of what posters are trying to get at with their feedback.
I'm more or less amused that people are so preachy and narrow that they feel they should "preach" to me about how I plan or how I should live my life. If people didn't come off as condescending and preachy, I would have taken this a lot better.
I have acknowledge that there is a chance things can change but I know me more than anyone else. I want to be a parent and have my children in my mid to late twenties. If there is a good guy in my life that is willing, then good for me. If not, then I'm still going to go through with my dreams to parent/adopt.
People still refuse to answer whether a mature, stable and capable person should deny themselves the opportunity to be a parent because they don't have a partner. If yes, then I'm glad I live in a free country where people can choose what they want for themselves.
No. You aren't listening. I've asked you a few questions which you've ignored.
And I did not attribute the "men are rats" thing to you specifically. But it's interesting that you think I did. (I used a Creative Writing 101 tool. Very common in literature.)
Sooo.... We're back where we started. I honestly believe all you want is for us to tell you you are right. And I'm not going to do that. Ev-ah. Not on this particular topic. So I'll let you argue with someone else because you and I are just going in circles here. And that's beyond boring.
I have answered your questions. You just don't like the answers.
I feel this is directed at me...if so NOT COOL NOT COOL AT ALL.
If not sorry I think the world revolves around me.
There was another recently who was in a situation similar to yours. It wasn't directed ONLY at you. I'll stop talking about specific posters now. I only did it because the OP wasn't understanding my point.
Here are some things that are going through my head:
1. Adoption.
2. Male [friend] donor
3. A temporary partner
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