I taught her not to talk to strangers (boys, play, son)
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He even said "Hi my name is John". After the mother made that comment.
Good for him. I'm glad she didn't intimidate him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886
Additionally, you have to remember that very often abusers look like perfectly nice people, and that's how they get close to victims. If they all looked like monsters, they would scare the children off.
Have you ever looked through the pedifiles database? They don't look like monsters, but most of them look like pedifiles!
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886
If the mom was being social with him as they stood in line, it probably would have been okay to talk to the child. If the mom wasn't saying anything, I probably would have taken that as a cue not to initiate a conversation on my own with a child I did not know. How to parent is a very personal decision, often based on our own experiences.
Saying hello to a child in a checkout line is not interfering with how a parent parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore
I wonder what the lady would have said had he responded with something like.....When people say things like that I always wonder if they've kidnapped the child and are forcing them to keep quiet and not communicate with anyone for fear of being discovered.
If only someone had questioned Phillip Garrido so much earlier when he was out with Jaycee Dugard and wouldn't let her talk to strangers........
Excellent point and great comeback for anyone who is snapped at like that by a so-called mother or father.
I found this situation to be what I would call overkill.
I was just in line at the supermarket and behind me was a woman with her daughter who was about 6 or 7yrs old.
Behind them was a man and he said hello to the little girl and made a comment about the Easter display and how the Easter bunny was coming. Looked to be a very pleasant man, probably a grandfather.
Anyway the child said nothing. And then the mother said in a somewhat curt tone "I taught her not to talk to strangers".
Isn't that a bit much? I understand telling a child not to talk strangers, not to get in cars, etc.
But when the child is with a parent standing right there? They can't answer a question or say hello?
When my youngest was probably 2 1/2 we were in the grocery store and he was sitting in the front of the carriage. We had been working a lot on strangers at that time. I was looking at cereal and a little old lady came over to talk to him and she touched his leg when she was talking to him. He started screaming "you're not my mother" and the woman lost her mind and started screaming at me for teaching him to be so rude.
I explained to her that I would appreciate her acting positively because he did the absolute right thing that he had been taught to do. She wasn't having it. I was a terrible mother for teaching my son to yell and scream when someone just wants to say hello to the cute little boy.
Both my kids were overly friendly and wanted to talk to everyone which was fine in most situations. It was also my responsibility to teach them that if anyone touched them they are to scream, no matter how innocent the touch. It is hard to judge why this little girl wasn't friendly, but it may not just be an over-protective mother. It may be Mom trying to rein in Chatty Kathy for her own good.
Excellent point and great comeback for anyone who is snapped at like that by a so-called mother or father.
My take on this is that there are so many schools of thought on how to do any one thing or another. Your way may work just as well as mine in the end, or maybe neither one will ever come into use. Plus, you have to keep in mind that kids are different. What works for one may not work for the next. If that mom has decided she doesn't want her daughter talking to this strange man in the grocery store, it's her business. It's not being "rude" to decline a conversation with him, any more than it's rude to decline a date with someone you're not interested in, or decline to let someone you're unfamiliar with into your home when your kids are there.
We've had numerous incidents here in the past year or two where strangers have approached kids at the bus stop or on the way home from school and tried to lure them into the car. One succeeded but they fortunately found the girl alive later that day. Most of the children yelled and ran off. There's the argument of "But mom was right there" but then, I have to keep in mind that some kids have a hard time with nuance. We don't know about this kid. She may not react exactly the same as one of ours and her mother may have taken that into account. They may not understand why mommy says, "Don't talk to strangers," but then every time they are with mommy and they meet a stranger? They see her doing the opposite of what she says. So if they have practiced interacting with strangers dozens of times... I can see why she might then worry that they would remember what they had practiced, not what they had been told from a purely theoretical standpoint. We have to remember that the point is to prepare the kids for that one awful moment when we aren't there to make a judgment for them of it being a harmless grandpa or someone they should get away from when that nice man drives up in a car and says he needs help to find his poor lost puppy.
In any case, I think it's a bit of a stretch to suggest that just because this mother has taught her daughter something one of us might not have used, it means the child will grow up to have social problems.
When my youngest was probably 2 1/2 we were in the grocery store and he was sitting in the front of the carriage. We had been working a lot on strangers at that time. I was looking at cereal and a little old lady came over to talk to him and she touched his leg when she was talking to him. He started screaming "you're not my mother" and the woman lost her mind and started screaming at me for teaching him to be so rude.
I explained to her that I would appreciate her acting positively because he did the absolute right thing that he had been taught to do. She wasn't having it. I was a terrible mother for teaching my son to yell and scream when someone just wants to say hello to the cute little boy.
Both my kids were overly friendly and wanted to talk to everyone which was fine in most situations. It was also my responsibility to teach them that if anyone touched them they are to scream, no matter how innocent the touch. It is hard to judge why this little girl wasn't friendly, but it may not just be an over-protective mother. It may be Mom trying to rein in Chatty Kathy for her own good.
I found this situation to be what I would call overkill.
I was just in line at the supermarket and behind me was a woman with her daughter who was about 6 or 7yrs old.
Behind them was a man and he said hello to the little girl and made a comment about the Easter display and how the Easter bunny was coming. Looked to be a very pleasant man, probably a grandfather.
Anyway the child said nothing. And then the mother said in a somewhat curt tone "I taught her not to talk to strangers".
Isn't that a bit much? I understand telling a child not to talk strangers, not to get in cars, etc.
But when the child is with a parent standing right there? They can't answer a question or say hello?
I found that to be extreme.
The only thing that I see to be rude is if the mother used a curt tone. There is no etiquette rule that says children (or adults, for that matter) must make small talk with strangers, even in the presence of their parents. Some kids are confused about how to deal with strangers due to parental inconsistency. Or maybe the kid has social development issues, which the mom is dealing with. My middle daughter is on the autism spectrum, and I can't keep her from asking strangers embarrassing questions! I am positive that some of the people she has spoken to have gone home and wondered what the heck is wrong with my parenting too.
I think it would have been fine for the mother to say what she did but with a bit of a smile, with a "thanks for understanding" tone. And I don't think your asking this question here makes you nosy, either, just perplexed and curious.
My take on this is that there are so many schools of thought on how to do any one thing or another. Your way may work just as well as mine in the end, or maybe neither one will ever come into use. Plus, you have to keep in mind that kids are different. What works for one may not work for the next. If that mom has decided she doesn't want her daughter talking to this strange man in the grocery store, it's her business. It's not being "rude" to decline a conversation with him, any more than it's rude to decline a date with someone you're not interested in, or decline to let someone you're unfamiliar with into your home when your kids are there.
We've had numerous incidents here in the past year or two where strangers have approached kids at the bus stop or on the way home from school and tried to lure them into the car. One succeeded but they fortunately found the girl alive later that day. Most of the children yelled and ran off. There's the argument of "But mom was right there" but then, I have to keep in mind that some kids have a hard time with nuance. We don't know about this kid. She may not react exactly the same as one of ours and her mother may have taken that into account. They may not understand why mommy says, "Don't talk to strangers," but then every time they are with mommy and they meet a stranger? They see her doing the opposite of what she says. So if they have practiced interacting with strangers dozens of times... I can see why she might then worry that they would remember what they had practiced, not what they had been told from a purely theoretical standpoint. We have to remember that the point is to prepare the kids for that one awful moment when we aren't there to make a judgment for them of it being a harmless grandpa or someone they should get away from when that nice man drives up in a car and says he needs help to find his poor lost puppy.
In any case, I think it's a bit of a stretch to suggest that just because this mother has taught her daughter something one of us might not have used, it means the child will grow up to have social problems.
The point remains that the real risk of harm from strangers is miniscule compared to the real risk from trusted people in kids lives. You can choose to parent however you want, but to keep using phrases such as "numerous incidents" troubles me because I think if you looked at the incidence of strangers vs. trusted adults crimes against children in the same time range, you would be horrified. I think the OP was trying to point out that part of teaching children safety is teaching them when it is and is not appropriate to talk to strangers.
kids have to learn when and how to differentiate when it IS ok to talk and when its NOT ok to talk to strangers.
kids gonna grow up with a complex. good lord, shell never make any friends 'if she cant talk to strangers' and certainly wont be able to function as an adult.
I find her to be teaching her child to be very rude, quite honestly. If my kids are with me and an adult asks a question, they are expected to answer in a respectful manner- complete with a 'sir' or 'm'am' at the end.
a bit off the topic but my mo always taught me if I was walking in a neighborhood and a car or person tried to "take" me to run in the yard I was closest to and yell "MOM!" at the top of my lungs. I always kept that with me and cant wait to teach it to my children (If I was a child abductor I would def leave at that point)
On to the subject, maybe the lady was a bit "curt" about it but you dont know the situation. Most people would say that it was bit much but you never know if somewhere down the line that mentality could save that little girl.
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(If I was a child abductor I would def leave at that point)
