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I found this situation to be what I would call overkill.
I was just in line at the supermarket and behind me was a woman with her daughter who was about 6 or 7yrs old.
Behind them was a man and he said hello to the little girl and made a comment about the Easter display and how the Easter bunny was coming. Looked to be a very pleasant man, probably a grandfather.
Anyway the child said nothing. And then the mother said in a somewhat curt tone "I taught her not to talk to strangers".
Isn't that a bit much? I understand telling a child not to talk strangers, not to get in cars, etc.
But when the child is with a parent standing right there? They can't answer a question or say hello?
Yeah...that seems like a failure on the parent's part to help the child understand that there are certain circumstances under which s/he may speak with a stranger. Or maybe the parent simply believes there are no circumstances under which a child should talk to a stranger.
I personally would never take such an extreme approach with my children. A child must still learn to respect elders and not be rude to people, even "strangers" if the parent is right there. But she was obviously just doing what the parent told her to do.4
My parents always encouraged me to be friendly, polite, and social to others when I was with them. I guess I developed a sense of when to talk to strangers and when not to...usually it depended on whether my parents were with me or not.
I agree. In general, children should not talk to strangers when they are alone, but in a situation like this one with mom standing there, I see no reason why the child cannot be polite.
I thought it was weird myself, but kept my big mouth shut.
The man was just being pleasant while we were waiting on line.
He even said "Hi my name is John". After the mother made that comment.
I mean this didn't happen in some large city, but a smaller community in the the southeastern part of the country.
I thought this kid is going to be scared of everyone and may have problems developing social skills.
Big difference between a child playing in the yard and a stranger approaches and man who most is likely a grandpa himself says hello and talks about the Easter bunny in a supermarket line with the parent right there.
I agree with all of you. It used to be we could chat with kids anywhere.....but now there are so many child predators.....and, a child cannot yet distinguish/reason about speaking to a stranger when alone as opposed to when mom is around.
Perhaps this mom personally knew a Jessica Lundsford, a Jaycee Dugard, young girls kidnapped, raped-one murdered and one forced to have rapist's children. ...... or a male child abused by "friendly" clergy or scout leader or coach.....
Could be mom feels the only way is to shut off all unsolicited contact for her child, so I can't find fault with it....
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
I found this situation to be what I would call overkill.
I was just in line at the supermarket and behind me was a woman with her daughter who was about 6 or 7yrs old.
Behind them was a man and he said hello to the little girl and made a comment about the Easter display and how the Easter bunny was coming. Looked to be a very pleasant man, probably a grandfather.
Anyway the child said nothing. And then the mother said in a somewhat curt tone "I taught her not to talk to strangers".
Isn't that a bit much? I understand telling a child not to talk strangers, not to get in cars, etc.
But when the child is with a parent standing right there? They can't answer a question or say hello?
How many children do you know that have been harmed by people they do not know? And in contrast, how many have been harmed by people THEY KNOW VERY WELL? There's being cautious about potential dangers, and then there's being paranoid and ignorant about them. I think teaching your children to never talk to strangers falls into the latter category.
How many children do you know that have been harmed by people they do not know? And in contrast, how many have been harmed by people THEY KNOW VERY WELL? There's being cautious about potential dangers, and then there's being paranoid and ignorant about them. I think teaching your children to never talk to strangers falls into the latter category.
Couldn't agree more. This paranoid fear of stranger danger makes people ignore the real risk.
I have always tried to teach my children how to get on with strangers. I think they are better prepared being able to interact with and read people than being afraid of people.
I thought this kid is going to be scared of everyone and may have problems developing social skills.
Big difference between a child playing in the yard and a stranger approaches and man who most is likely a grandpa himself says hello and talks about the Easter bunny in a supermarket line with the parent right there.
The problem with this is that there are no absolutes. Him being a grandpa does not exclude him from also being an abuser. Statistically, most of the time when children are abused? It is by a family member or close friend of the family. The vast majority of men who abuse children are married, have kids or step-kids (they arrange it that way) and appear to be decent on the outside. Yet no one can stomach the idea that their husband, brother or older child would ever do something like that, so they just don't think about it.
However, I would have tried to refrain from making judgments. You have no way to know if this kid will turn out normal and yours will be the one with lacking social skills. Additionally, you have to remember that very often abusers look like perfectly nice people, and that's how they get close to victims. If they all looked like monsters, they would scare the children off. So I don't think teaching the lesson that "grandpas" are harmless is necessarily a good one. If the mom was being social with him as they stood in line, it probably would have been okay to talk to the child. If the mom wasn't saying anything, I probably would have taken that as a cue not to initiate a conversation on my own with a child I did not know. How to parent is a very personal decision, often based on our own experiences. Perhaps this mom has her reasons why this is a sensitive issue for her. None of us can know.
I wonder what the lady would have said had he responded with something like.....When people say things like that I always wonder if they've kidnapped the child and are forcing them to keep quiet and not communicate with anyone for fear of being discovered.
If only someone had questioned Phillip Garrido so much earlier when he was out with Jaycee Dugard and wouldn't let her talk to strangers........
Whenever I am out and want to speak with a child, I never do it directly to the child, at least at first. I'll engage the parent in conversation. General chit chat, possibly questions about the child. I gain a better feeling to whether the parent is open to my talking with her and her child.
Maybe they are in a hurry, distracted or too busy to talk? The parent's body language might tell me or the non-response will. I don't take offensive. I'm only being friendly and it's no big deal if a conversation doesn't occur.
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