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Some of us know that our core strengths come from places of profound pressure and stress. That whole turning coal into diamond philosophy I suppose. I also highly prize individuality and accepting people for who they are so I'm not keen on "fixing" people to fit in.
Since I'm the one posting on the message board I am speaking for me. If my children came to me and presented a solid, logical argument for something like this, we'd certainly discuss it. I really don't know what my answer would be.
This makes zero sense to me. You've been bullied, you've been hurt and you willingly will allow your children to suffer the same fate becuase of some core belief you realized as an adult?
This makes zero sense to me. You've been bullied, you've been hurt and you willingly will allow your children to suffer the same fate becuase of some core belief you realized as an adult?
We all make decisions based on our core beliefs gleaned from childhood through adulthood. Mine is no different.
And you seem REALLY stuck on this idea that I would allow my kids to suffer bullying because I decline to use plastic surgery as a route to end the attacks. You seem COMPLETELY stuck on this idea that since I wouldn't necessarily allow surgery I'd allow my children to wallow in low self esteem and depression. Since I've already said numerous times that I would not stand by idly while that happened, I'm not going to repeat it again.
We all make decisions based on our core beliefs gleaned from childhood through adulthood. Mine is no different.
And you seem REALLY stuck on this idea that I would allow my kids to suffer bullying because I decline to use plastic surgery as a route to end the attacks. You seem COMPLETELY stuck on this idea that since I wouldn't necessarily allow surgery I'd allow my children to wallow in low self esteem and depression. Since I've already said numerous times that I would not stand by idly while that happened, I'm not going to repeat it again.
That's not what I said and you know it. Why are you so bent on not reading/absorbing what others have said on each thread you participate on???
It is what you said. You said you would intervene if bullying was occuring by going to the school, talking to the principal etc... that is not solving your childs self esteem issues. That is coming to his rescue to stop the mean kid from picking on him. Then the next kid comes, lather, rinse, repeat.
I am not hell bent, I just have the capacity to see, read and comprehend. If words get twisted, then you didn't word it right.
I am not the only one in this thread that is questioning why on earth you would allow your child to be the subject of ridicule just to prove some point. I guess I also am not the only one who has this difficulty reading/absorbing.
I had to face this kind of issue. When MissFR was 3 months old, a little strawberry birthmark started appearing over her left eyebrow on her forehead. It looked like the Hawaiian Island chain. We thought, oh that's unusual, but she'll be ok.
It grew a bit bigger. Then a large bruise like lump appeared underneath. We got a little alarmed and asked her pedi what was going on. She said she had a compound Hermangioma, that it would grow until she was about a year old, that it would start to "involute" (go away) by the time she was 9, and it was completely benign and not to stress over it.
Well that was all fine and dandy, but as it grew and grew, it started looking like she'd run into a wall or something. She was a really cute baby (even if I do say so myself) but all anybody would notice was the lump on her forehead. Absolutely everybody would say "oh no, did the baby fall?", "what happened to the baby?" and one lovely lady actually said "My God, what did you do to that baby?".
I found as many floppy hats as possible to try and disguise it, because I was sick of explaining what it was. Finally I just started saying "it's a tumor" and that would shut people up.
So I found the premiere Hemangioma specialist at the pediatric plastic surgery dept at CHLA and took her to see him. There was a waiting room full of kids with severe facial deformities and I felt like her issues were insignificant in comparison. He didn't think so. He said the social development of the child is extremely important and they will suffer if left to live with it. He recommended they remove it, even though her pediatrician disagreed. It took an hour of surgery but they got it out and left a tiny scar, which is nothing compared to what was there. She was only 8 months old, and the surgery experience was heart wrenching, to say the least.
But I'm really glad we had it done. To have her first interaction with new people always be about her facial deformity would have been horrendous for her. I don't know what it would have done to her self esteem. You can't control other people's reactions, and it was always apparent, even if they tried to hide it.
It is completely unnecessary to make a kid go through that because you have some idea that it will strengthen their character. It might, but it might not. Why have a miserable childhood if you don't have to?
It is what you said. You said you would intervene if bullying was occuring by going to the school, talking to the principal etc... that is not solving your childs self esteem issues. That is coming to his rescue to stop the mean kid from picking on him. Then the next kid comes, lather, rinse, repeat.
I am not hell bent, I just have the capacity to see, read and comprehend. If words get twisted, then you didn't word it right.
I am not the only one in this thread that is questioning why on earth you would allow your child to be the subject of ridicule just to prove some point. I guess I also am not the only one who has this difficulty reading/absorbing.
Bull****. I cannot believe you believe plastic surgery is preferable to handling it with the school. And I wasn't asked about my child's self esteem during that particular exchange. I was asked what I would do about the bullying. Hilarious that speaking with the principal is "coming to his rescue" but paying for and putting the kid under the knife is not. OOooookkkkayyy.
You are twisting what I said. I said it in a perfectly clear manner. But this is typical behavior from you.
I'm not "proving a point" for the sake of proving a point. I'm stating why I believe getting plastic surgery is wrong for a child for something like this. I'm flabbergasted as to why that is so difficult to understand.
Bull****. I cannot believe you believe plastic surgery is preferable to handling it with the school. And I wasn't asked about my child's self esteem during that particular exchange. I was asked what I would do about the bullying. Hilarious that speaking with the principal is "coming to his rescue" but paying for and putting the kid under the knife is not. OOooookkkkayyy.
You are twisting what I said. I said it in a perfectly clear manner. But this is typical behavior from you.
I'm not "proving a point" for the sake of proving a point. I'm stating why I believe getting plastic surgery is wrong for a child for something like this. I'm flabbergasted as to why that is so difficult to understand.
And I am flabbergasted why you don't understand what everyone else is saying.
Because I don't believe we should all look the same. I don't believe we should modify differences in looks because of societal pressures.
Her ears are not the same as cleft palate or club foot, each of which impedes the natural function of the body part it affects. I would not fix webbed toes or extra fingers unless it interfered with the body's natural function.
I'm not understanding where you think 'we all look the same'. I have brown curly hair. My neighbor has straight blond hair. I have green eyes. My son has dark brown eyes. I am 5'4" tall. My daughter is 5'8" tall, etc., etc., etc.. None of us 'look the same'. No one's face looks just like someone else. No two bodies are exactly alike.
Going a step further, there are some people in wheelchairs, some with no legs, some with no arms, some with no eyes, some with no teeth, on and on and on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
No I wouldn't. Yes, I do have two children. I also have things about me that make me "different" than other people.Things that I grew up with that I was made fun of over. My answer remains the same.
And herein lies the reason.
You suffered, why not everyone else.
You keep saying 'to fit in' and 'societal pressures', when what it REALLY is, is how a child feels about him or herself.
I have a niece who, since birth, has had a lazy eyelid. One of her eyes is always half shut. She's a beautiful girl. Even though she took her share of crap through school, her mother never had her eye fixed. She's 26 now, and when people meet her, that's the first thing they notice. That's how it's been since she was born; look at the eye, then look at the child. She's very popular and always has been; she's well adjusted and intelligent.
Only one thing: EVERY time she is in a photo, she makes certain she is either facing one side or the other, preferring the open eye, or looking down so both eyes appear the same. She has ALWAYS 'fit in' and has always had lots of friends, but her eye is a source of personal pain for her. She's always conscious of it, like someone with extremely crooked teeth who is reluctant to smile.
It just doesn't seem like such a big deal to have a doctor take a tuck and end her personal pain.
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If my children came to me and presented a solid, logical argument for something like this, we'd certainly discuss it. I really don't know what my answer would be.
Bull****. I cannot believe you believe plastic surgery is preferable to handling it with the school. And I wasn't asked about my child's self esteem during that particular exchange. I was asked what I would do about the bullying. Hilarious that speaking with the principal is "coming to his rescue" but paying for and putting the kid under the knife is not. OOooookkkkayyy. 
