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You're right. He should not learn the ins and outs of insurance. How could I have been so... so.. so insensitive. Learning about insurance should be left to the professionals. That's why we have insurance agents, so we don't have to learn about it.
Not true at all. Just going by previous posts by OP and what she has posted on this thread. I did not create the quote from last December. I did not create the current situation.
The problem is not that she took in the young man. That's a good thing, but because of his age, and the fact that very soon he should be expected to be independent, wouldn't it it be in his best interest to learn how to talk to people about insurance/loans/utilities, the things that will be necessary for him to know and understand in the near future? Wouldn't it be in his best interest to know where to go for answers? Right now, the way her posts have gone, he is learning one thing; to be dependent on the OP. That is contrary to the post she made about someone else last December, and that is the worst thing she can do to this young man.
I never said he shouldn't learn. I just think it ridiculous to say "Here, get insurance" and walk away.
You're right. He should not learn the ins and outs of insurance. How could I have been so... so.. so insensitive. Learning about insurance should be left to the professionals. That's why we have insurance agents, so we don't have to learn about it.
Not true at all. Just going by previous posts by OP and what she has posted on this thread. I did not create the quote from last December. I did not create the current situation.
The problem is not that she took in the young man. That's a good thing, but because of his age, and the fact that very soon he should be expected to be independent, wouldn't it it be in his best interest to learn how to talk to people about insurance/loans/utilities, the things that will be necessary for him to know and understand in the near future? Wouldn't it be in his best interest to know where to go for answers? Right now, the way her posts have gone, he is learning one thing; to be dependent on the OP. That is contrary to the post she made about someone else last December, and that is the worst thing she can do to this young man.
How do you gather from this thread that he is not learning about "loans, interest and utilities"?
So someone is helping him with the health insurance issue, how do you deduce that she is not going to share what she has learned with him, so he can take care of it going forward?
How is it you know so much about everything this young man knows, doesn't know, or is being required to know?
How, being a new forum member, do you know so much about this situation that you feel justified in offering such a firm opinion on Hopes' position on all this?
I understand that you enjoy that pat on the back, but truth be told, thousands of people take in stray teens.
Thank, God there are thousands of others! Bit confused about how asking for some input equates to getting a pat on the back. But whatever. Jealous or something?
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
You constantly condemn this boy's mother. Is that really helpful to him? Is that really fair to him?
My condemning his mother on City Data does no harm whatsoever. The woman deserves to be condemned, but I don't bad mouth her to him. I encourage him to try to reconnect with her. I encourage him to pay him what he owes her---because people should pay their debts regardless of how they feel about a person, regardless of if the person didn't pay their own debts, because he can be the better person in the situation. Call I can do is encourage him. I don't tell him what to do with his life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
If this woman is as sick as you claim her to be, she would not be capable of handling insurance much less a teenage son.
The very fact she is cancelling the insurance is proof that she's capable of handling insurance and knows the ins and outs of it. She functions perfectly in every way except parenting. IMO only a mentally ill person would abuse a child his entire life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
Furthermore, your perception of their family life from the boy's birth is only your opinion and what you want to see to justify your stance.
First, it's not just my opinion. Where do you think I know the information? It just didn't materialize in my mind one day. Secondly, I don't need anything to justify taking a homeless teen off the streets. There mere fact they are homeless is justification enough for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
I hold fast to my earlier claim; you are not doing him any favors by taking care of his business and holding his hand. Your job in all this is to encourage him to become an adult capable of taking care of his own business. Give him suggestions, have him make a list of things HE thinks he should do, then hand HIM the phone to dial and talk. How will he learn the thought processes needed to solve these and other issues if you do all the work?
We do that for many other things. He didn't realize the magnitude of not having health insurance and not having his wisdom teeth removed. Sorry, maybe you think it's best to learn a lesson by having impacted widsom teeth and no way to pay for it. I don't think that's a healthy lesson.
This issue came on suddenly. He works more hours than me. On days he works, he doesn't have a free moment, he goes straight from school to work. There is a time crunch so this can't wait until he has a day off. And most of the businesses that need to be called aren't even open on the weekends when he has off work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
I think you're making decisions for him that are imparative that he make on his own. Leading him by the nose is NOT helping him grow up and be responsible for himself.
I'm not leading him by the nose in every aspect of his life. (Heck, I hardly see him! LOl) You're reading way too much into this one insurance situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
Practice what you preach.
There's just no excuse for your attitude.
Last edited by Hopes; 04-28-2011 at 11:03 AM..
Reason: fix quotes
Wow. This thread got nasty and I wasn't even participating!
LMAO!
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
Right now, the way her posts have gone, he is learning one thing; to be dependent on the OP. That is contrary to the post she made about someone else last December, and that is the worst thing she can do to this young man.
I don't wake him up for school---he gets up on his own. I don't ride him anywhere---he walks to/from work. I don't keep track of his schedule.
He has learned how to be a responsible employee. He has learned how to do his laundry. He has learned how to cook.
He didn't have many skills when he left his mother's house. It's a process. One thing at a time. It has only been a month.
Currently we're working on learning how to manage a bank account and be responsible with money. This is a hard one for him to grasp, but he's showing progress.
Many of the things he is learning, he is learning through natural consequences.
The problem is not that she took in the young man. That's a good thing, but because of his age, and the fact that very soon he should be expected to be independent, wouldn't it it be in his best interest to learn how to talk to people about insurance/loans/utilities, the things that will be necessary for him to know and understand in the near future? Wouldn't it be in his best interest to know where to go for answers? Right now, the way her posts have gone, he is learning one thing; to be dependent on the OP. That is contrary to the post she made about someone else last December, and that is the worst thing she can do to this young man.
Parents spend 18 (or more) years teaching their children to become fully functioning, responsible adults. We can infer from that fact that his mom booted him to the curb that those lessons were either not taught or he failed to learn them at the time. Why do people think it is reasonable that in the span of the one month that Hopes has been helping him, that he would suddenly learn to be a fully functioning independent adult? Even then most "kids" still look to their parents for advice and help from time to time whether they are 18 or 65.
Again, you seem to be inferring that helping him is equal to doing things for him. Baby steps. He's going to school and getting decent grades and will graduate on time. He is holding down a job working 30 hours a week. Why is it such an issue for Hopes to make a couple calls and see what his options are for health insurance? What is she supposed to say, "sorry kid, you're 18 you should know exactly what you need to do, go at it." I feel that if this was the boy's mother asking questions about insurance and helping her son out, no one would be questioning her controlling motives since he is 18 and should know what to do.
Hey, maybe Hopes will royally f this kid up and he will be dependent on her for the rest of his life. It's still a better situation than he was in a month ago, when he very well may have ended up becoming societies problem.
Not sure about your state, but here in AR, adult children do not have a right to be on their parents insurance unless they are in full-time education. Does he plan to go to college?
with the new Obama rules, parents can carry their adult children until 26, whether they are in school or not.
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You're right. He should not learn the ins and outs of insurance. How could I have been so... so.. so insensitive. Learning about insurance should be left to the professionals. That's why we have insurance agents, so we don't have to learn about it.
