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Originally Posted by wsop
Met with the principal yesterday. Hard for me to tell whether the meeting was productive. She just kept using words like, "well, moving forward", and "I understand your concerns."
One thing I didn't expect though was for her to downplay the bullying, which she totally did. According to her, the teacher said there were a few MINOR incidents early in the year which the teacher promptly took care of. Did she even read my letter? This is not even remotely what transpired!
Amazing how it was ok, even standard practice, for them to suggest counseling and medical evaluations when they are trying to slap an inappropriate label on my son because "he needs help", but they are too narrow minded and unable to look outside the four corners of their little boxes to realize the effects the bullying has had on my son. Now it's a MINOR thing, and she will "speak with the boys" and tell them all know they "need to be friends." Ay yai yai! How about offering him counseling for having to endure bullying for months? How about offering counseling to the boy who was actually doing the bullying?
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To some degree, I can understand this response. You have made the school aware of your feelings on what has happened. The school has made you aware of their position on what has happened. You agree on almost nothing and are at an impasse. At this point, perhaps the only solution
is to hear each other, agree to disagree and move forward, as has been suggested. The school year is nearly over and as firm as you are in your convictions that your position is the right one, it sounds like they are just as convinced their judgment is sound. I know your wish is that they would decide you were right about everything, but then, they are hoping you'll do the same! It's a lose-lose situation if things continue as they have before. Sometimes in situations like this, accepting both parties will never concede and moving forward to how things could go better in the future is the only path.
Is the epi-pen not kept in the nurse's office? Or with the teacher herself? I guess I don't understand what you wrote on that point. If it was under your son's care, I might suggest altering that plan. It's fine for him to have one epi-pen if you're trying to teach him to be responsible for it, but I wouldn't make a 4th grader solely responsible for something like that in a situation that's potentially life-threatening. It's impossible to say whether it was taken by another student, or whether it was merely lost by your son. It's not uncommon that kids come up complaining something was "stolen" and then it's later found that they just left it on the floor or something. Perhaps one solution might be to have two pens at school, one always kept with the nurse, one always kept with the teacher.
So, what were their suggestions with regards to the bullying? Can the boys be separated? Your son have his desk moved? Maybe have him eat lunch at a separate table with a friend whose parent would sign a waiver promising not to bring any allergy foods? Bullying cases are so difficult because they're rarely clear-cut. Often both kids have participated back and forth a bit, and usually BOTH parents are insisting their child is the victim and the other child is the bully. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle. Asking the counselor to speak with your son is fine. They can do that. Did you ask for that, or merely hope they would bring it up? You cannot ask them to counsel the other boy. It is not your place to suggest measures for other people's children, only for your own child.
At this point, I think it would be more productive to focus more on concrete actions that can be taken to resolve this situation and reasonable requests for intervention rather than airing feelings on the various points of contention. I agree with you that some things have been done that were inappropriate. However, at this point I have to (gently) say that it is coming across like there is nothing that could be done to resolve this situation short of the teacher and principal bowing down, kissing your feet, rubbing gravel in their hair, listing off a long speech agreeing with you completely for all of the wrongs you feel were committed and pleading for your forgiveness. Just like there's no way you are going to do the same on their behalf, there's no way that fantasy is going to happen.
Focusing on concrete tasks will help. Can my son be moved to a separate table and sit with one of his friends for the remainder of this year? Can my son be moved to a different desk in the classroom away from this child? Can my son's epi-pen be stored with the nurse so there's no way it can get misplaced? Could my son speak to the counselor once per week for the remainder of the year about things that trouble him? These are concrete tasks that can be solved. A long listing of everything you think they are doing wrong is pointless. They are interested in that no more than you are interested in their long listing of all the weaknesses they perceive in your parenting skills. The two of you are not going to agree on this point. Move forward to how this situation could be salvageable for the rest of the year.
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First she claimed she wasn't aware of this situation. Later in the conversation she let it 'slip' that the epi-pen was found hidden behind a curtain in the cafeteria. ODD! I thought she didn't know about it! Because when I spoke with the teacher back when this incident occurred she INSISTED his epi-pen never went missing! And no one EVER told me before yesterday where the epi-pen was found. My son had no clue where it went, just that the boy took it and on Monday it was back.
