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The topic is not Parenthood, but Non-Parenthood! Big difference! IMO, this thread belonged right where it was in the Relationships category.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46
I agree that parent hood shouldn't be taken lightly. I respect any womans decision to not want children but I'm afraid that would be a gamebreaker for me. I'm a man and I want children more than anything in the world. I'd love to teach my child about the world, watch them grow and be there whenever I'm needed (but still stand aside when necessary). Anyone I consider for a wife would have to atleast be open to the idea of children.
And wondering why Kagami46 chose to use my posting in his reply. Plus, the original question from the OP was addressed to women who hadn't had kids asking whether they now regretted not having them-- it wasn't addressed to potential male "breeders" asking whether that type of woman would be a "gamebreaker" for them in their quest to procreate.
Last edited by JustJulia; 05-05-2011 at 06:39 AM..
Reason: Off topic / personal attacks.
I had a cousin that broke up her first marriage because she didn't want kids. She married someone that didn't want kids either in her second marriage. He told me so when we were younger and they first married.
Now that she's older, she's saying something totally different in that she couldn't have children. I know that's not the case so I'm not quite sure why she's telling people something different now. Maybe she does regret not having children now and wants to put the blame somewhere else.
But like Mountain says, we all come away from life regretting something that we did or didn't do.
It could be the truth, from the women I know who are struggling to fall pregnant, they feel the sense of failure so ... say to people not close that they're just not ready (and yes, people feel the need to ask).
Or.... when she finally decided she did want them, she actually couldn't...
My mother once, in the course of an ordinary, amicable conversation with me, confided that her greatest regret was having children. I'd always suspected she didn't like being a mother, but that was a heck of a thing to have confirmed.
Personally, I don't regret not having kids one bit. Every once in a while I get a little whimsical and wonder about having missed out on one of the core human experiences, but honestly, I'm happy, and when I contrast that with how very unhappy many of my child-having friends are with their lives...well, I can't work up much regret. I get along well with kids and probably would have been an unobjectionable mother, but kids deserve more than just unobjectionable, they deserve parents who really want to be parents.
I think it is a very personal decision for each person, and I don't really feel that anybody should question somebody else's personal choice. For some women, motherhood is just not something they feel they want or need. Perhaps they have other talents to explore, other priorities...whatever, that's their decision. It's kind of like that single person in their 30's that has to dread family gatherings where everybody badgers them about why they aren't married yet, are they seeing anybody, etc. Some people are perfectly content to be single or childless and would like to enjoy the life they chose without being questioned or pitied.
I think plenty of people change their minds and have kids eventually, but some people truly do not want kids. Maybe they regret it occasionally but based on the people I know who chose to be childfree I don't think they are unhappy in their lives.
My mother once, in the course of an ordinary, amicable conversation with me, confided that her greatest regret was having children. I'd always suspected she didn't like being a mother, but that was a heck of a thing to have confirmed.
But, otherwise how did she turn out as a mother?
I bet there were a lot of people, in the days before effective birth control, who really hated being parents. Difference being in how they stepped up to the plate and handled it. If they had character, they accepted the responsibility, knowing that the kid didn't ask to be brought into the world, and did their best to provide for and raise the child to be a well-balanced adult.
Perhaps your mother was giving you a back-handed validation in saying you made the right choice to be childfree?
I have one kid, and I know a few women who never had children by choice. If they regret that, they hide it very well. And they were all always very nice to my daughter, who, by the way, says she never wants children. : )
...I don't begrudge anybody that says "my dogs are my kids", but I cant help but to notice that many woman seem to regret this decision later in life. While I applaud their individuality, I think it is sad because many of these women are great people who would make wonderful mothers! Seems often those that shouldnt have kids do, and those who would be great parents chose not to or cant have kids!
Some regret it a lot, some a little, some think not having kids is the best choice they ever made, and others don't give it a second thought. It really depends on the individual circumstances that led to decision.
...I don't begrudge anybody that says "my dogs are my kids", but I cant help but to notice that many woman seem to regret this decision later in life. While I applaud their individuality, I think it is sad because many of these women are great people who would make wonderful mothers! Seems often those that shouldnt have kids do, and those who would be great parents chose not to or cant have kids!
I don't regret it. And I might have made an awesome mother, IF I had wanted them. But just the fact that I didn't want them - is enough to know that if I had them and didn't want them, I'd be a lousy mother. Because I wouldn't want them. Having to raise children you don't want, is probably as unbearable as being a child raised by someone who didn't want you.
Knew I didn't want kids by the time I was around 15. Affirmed that when I was in my 20's. Reaffirmed that when I got married, at age 30. Got my tubes tied when I was 35. I turned 50 yesterday. No regrets at all.
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). Anyone I consider for a wife would have to atleast be open to the idea of children.
Plus, the original question from the OP was addressed to women who hadn't had kids asking whether they now regretted not having them-- it wasn't addressed to potential male "breeders" asking whether that type of woman would be a "gamebreaker" for them in their quest to procreate.
