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...I don't begrudge anybody that says "my dogs are my kids", but I cant help but to notice that many woman seem to regret this decision later in life. While I applaud their individuality, I think it is sad because many of these women are great people who would make wonderful mothers! Seems often those that shouldnt have kids do, and those who would be great parents chose not to or cant have kids!
It's nearly impossible to get thru life without at least a few regrets.
Every choice we make produces consequences.
Being a real grownup means learning to live with the consequences of the choices we have made
No one should ever plan to have children unless they are sure they really want them and can properly care for all their needs.
If someone decides at a young age they don't want kids and then later change their minds and wish they had some, there are always kids in foster care or ready to be adopted that could use a good home.
I never felt a need to have children. I love kids, but am happy without having my own. I remember telling my mom when I was a teen that I didn't want kids, and I remember her telling me, "Oh, but having a baby is the most wonderful thing in the world! You'll want to have babies when you grow up a little more." Well, I'm 57 now, and I guess I still haven't grown up!
Now that friends my age are having a blast with their grandchildren, I do envy them sometimes. That would be pretty cool. But I have no regrets about choosing not to be a parent.
I dated three different women who did not have or want kids, and I am still friends with them. None of them seem to have any regrets about their choice, and all are happy, active, successful people. And only one has pets! I'm sure that some women have regrets, but I don't know any personally.
I had a cousin that broke up her first marriage because she didn't want kids. She married someone that didn't want kids either in her second marriage. He told me so when we were younger and they first married.
Now that she's older, she's saying something totally different in that she couldn't have children. I know that's not the case so I'm not quite sure why she's telling people something different now. Maybe she does regret not having children now and wants to put the blame somewhere else.
But like Mountain says, we all come away from life regretting something that we did or didn't do.
likewise there are people who regret having kids. Theres a biological drive to procreate, but there really isnt a much of a need for more children (besides things like social security having too many dependants and not enough people paying in). The world is overpopulated as is, we dont need more kids.
Im not anti kid, but im not pro kid either, its just a personal choice, we all have regrets either way. I think women can be happy without having children, you free up alot of your time and money and you arent kept in unhappy marriages where you can leave or ur children suffer.
First of all, the original post is already skewed and inaccurate: "Do women who claim not to want kids..."
What do you mean, "who claim?" The inference is they're prevaricating?
I knew I didn't want kids when I was in Kindergarten and I married a man who felt the same way. We have never spent one milesecond regretting it. Almost all of my female friends are childless by choice and also have never regretted it (and we've discussed this issue).
It's ludicrous to think that those of us who never wanted kids and never had them are somehow secretly miserable. Are you kidding? Almost every colleague I know who has kids does nothing but complain, moan and regret it. Many others live their lives vicariously through their kids and are similarly miserable.
Not having kids is wonderful. No responsibility, no expense, your life is your own and you're free from all the hassle. Not one regret in not having been burdened with them.
Ulysses61-- Great Post, agree w/ everything you wrote!
As a child, I was the oldest of 5 kids (my mother had five kids in 7 1/2 yrs!) & was stuck being "mother's little helper", a built-in babysitter within the family. Never had the carefree childhood other girls my age seemed to have. When my friends would talk longingly about growing up & becoming a mother, my reaction was "Why would you want to do that?? Already been there/done that & can't wait to get away from all these kids!!"
By the age of 12, already decided that having children was NOT for me. And ALWAYS been happy with that decision, never wavered even when, for decades in my 20s & 30s, people told me "Oh, you'll change your mind." Nope, I'm in my mid-50s now, still haven't changed my mind & never regretted making that decision! So glad I knew what was right for me at a young age. (And when people ask me "How come you never had kids?" I answer "Just lucky, I guess-- the birth control always worked!")
When I was younger, there was a lot of pressure to conform, but even back then, never understood why it was taken for granted that, of course, most girls want to have kids & become mothers-- I didn't! These days, I think there's still pressure on young girls to conform to some "maternal" ideal. But I've never understood why parenthood is seen as such a general goal for the majority of the population. IMO, only a small percentage of the general population (less than 30%) actually possesses the skills/temperament/stability needed to be a good parent. Why does society continue to see parenthood as desirable for the majority of people? Wouldn't it be better to think about parenthood as a "specialized" role with specialized skills rather than a general, universal state? (And as Victorhe33 pointed out, do we really need to keep producing so many kids & overpopulating the world?)
Last edited by newbie09; 05-04-2011 at 04:20 PM..
Reason: added responses to other postings
Ulysses61-- Great Post, agree w/ everything you wrote!
As a child, I was the oldest of 5 kids (my mother had five kids in 7 1/2 yrs!) & was stuck being "mother's little helper", a built-in babysitter within the family. Never had the carefree childhood other girls my age seemed to have. When my friends would talk longingly about growing up & becoming a mother, my reaction was "Why would you want to do that?? Already been there/done that & can't wait to get away from all these kids!!"
By the age of 12, already decided that having children was NOT for me. And ALWAYS been happy with that decision, never wavered even when, for decades in my 20s & 30s, people told me "Oh, you'll change your mind." Nope, I'm in my mid-50s now, still haven't changed my mind & never regretted making that decision! So glad I knew what was right for me at a young age. (And when people ask me "How come you never had kids?" I answer "Just lucky, I guess-- the birth control always worked!")
When I was younger, there was a lot of pressure to conform, but even back then, never understood why it was taken for granted that, of course, most girls want to have kids & become mothers-- I didn't! These days, I think there's still pressure on young girls to conform to some "maternal" ideal. But I've never understood why parenthood is seen as such a general goal for the majority of the population. IMO, only a small percentage of the general population (less than 30%) actually possesses the skills/temperament/stability needed to be a good parent. Why does society continue to see parenthood as desirable for the majority of people? Wouldn't it be better to think about parenthood as a "specialized" role with specialized skills rather than a general, universal state? (And as Victorhe33 pointed out, do we really need to keep producing so many kids & overpopulating the world?)
I agree that parent hood shouldn't be taken lightly. I respect any womans decision to not want children but I'm afraid that would be a gamebreaker for me. I'm a man and I want children more than anything in the world. I'd love to teach my child about the world, watch them grow and be there whenever I'm needed (but still stand aside when necessary). Anyone I consider for a wife would have to atleast be open to the idea of children.
The women I know who don't have kids seem to be pretty happy. While they have those moments where they wonder what they missed out on, I never got the sense that they regret not having them. In fact, anytime they see how hard it is for people who have kids, they express relief at the fact that their lives aren't nearly as complicated.
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So glad I knew what was right for me at a young age. (And when people ask me "How come you never had kids?" I answer "Just lucky, I guess-- the birth control always worked!"
(And as Victorhe33 pointed out, do we really need to keep producing so many kids & overpopulating the world?
)
). Anyone I consider for a wife would have to atleast be open to the idea of children.
