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She's not a friend or family to the kid; who cares why it's happening. Honestly.
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Sorry, I just have no patience for this stuff...
I dunno, I think kindness and patience can be shown to other people besides friends and family. But then I personally believe in trying to love all others more than my own self (not that it's easy or that I want to, but it's a worthy goal). I think kindness and peace in the world starts with small things and issues like this. If we all had the attitude quoted above, I think the world would be a downright nasty, miserable place.
You know, I am a liberal through and through, but I'm just not getting the whole "befriend him" "take flowers to him" thing.
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Trail cam and/or motion activated sprinkler. Talk to the parents. Hang up a note saying you'll call the cops on whomever is destroying the garden and you have it under surveillance. If you catch the kid, scare him (legally).
Sorry, I just have no patience for this stuff...
Because the kid is 10 to 15. I doubt he will scare easily. Think about it when you were a kid. When kids went out TPing, who did they hit. The nice lady that gave them cookies. Or the mean lady that yelled at them to get off her lawn.
You are dealing with a somewhat unstable 10 to 15 year old (most 10 to 15 year olds are some what unstable). The last thing you want to do is escalate the issue. (and it can get much worse...)
First things first, get a video recording of the flowers being pulled up so that you can be 100% certain of who actually did it. Heck, just plant some artificial ones as bait, if you don't want to risk more actual flowers. Then when talking to the parents, I would suggest staying objective and to-the-point as much as possible (i.e. it's nothing personal, just business).
As for the bringing flowers over as being neighborly while getting the point across suggestion... it needs more context. Passive-aggressive may not be the right term, but my first impression is it comes off as sarcastic and somewhat confrontational, not neighborly. And that is mostly because of the timing. If you are offering the flowers while making the accusation (like my initial reading seems), then that sounds needlessly sarcastic to me. OTOH, if you only offered the flowers after positively concluding the discussion with the parents, then that does sound more like taking the high road to me.
As for the bringing flowers over as being neighborly while getting the point across suggestion... it needs more context. Passive-aggressive may not be the right term, but my first impression is it comes off as sarcastic and somewhat confrontational, not neighborly. And that is mostly because of the timing. If you are offering the flowers while making the accusation (like my initial reading seems), then that sounds needlessly sarcastic to me.
I do agree here. Go visit the neighbor and talk to them, sure, but taking flowers, when the whole issue is about flowers, is a "slap in the face" or borderline sarcastic. You might even start by asking "Have you heard of any of the kids in the neighborhood pulling up flowers? Someone sure has been in mine!" before outright "accusing" her son of it (because yes, she would get defensive and if you didn't see it, you can't really be certain. In a court of law, that would be "circumstantial evidence" or "hearsay").
He's not taking the flowers to his mom, he's pulling them out of the ground by the roots and leaving them thrown around my yard. And, while I appreciate that he may have felt left out, it wasn't because I did anything to do so... the kids who did help came and asked me if they could when they saw me working. I didn't post a sign and then tell him no.
I don't really like the taking flowers to him idea. Mostly because I refuse to reward sociopathic behavior. Not saying anything to his parents, in my opinion, makes it okay. And what happens to a little kid who exhibits sociopathic behavior and isn't corrected? They grow up to be bigger ones who do bigger things.
Really, I know what I'm going to do at this point... as I said before, I'm going to talk to his parents. I am not going to be ugly, and if they get confrontational, I'm going to walk away. What I am worried about is what I can do afterward to keep this kid out of my yard. I don't want him near my property anymore. I like the idea of surveillance, but is there anything else?
Where is the anger at this child coming from? How does a few pulled up flowers make a sociopath?
Where is the anger at this child coming from? How does a few pulled up flowers make a sociopath?
Don't put words in my mouth, please. I said it was sociopathic behavior. Nowhere did I call the kid a sociopath.
Also, NorasMom? Thank you. I'm not going to reward some jerky kid for pulling up my flowers by bringing him some of his own. Or giving him cookies. Or lemonade.
I'm not going to reward some jerky kid for pulling up my flowers by bringing him some of his own. Or giving him cookies. Or lemonade.
I guess I got thrown off by your suggestion that you wanted to handle it in a neighborly manner:
Quote:
Originally Posted by escape
I'm trying to approach this diplomatically and be kind to them.
If that's not your goal, then just take the direct approach - inform his parents of his conduct, demand repayment and let them know you'll call the police if it happens again. Then follow through.
Be forewarned though - you are likely uping the ante for a child you've described as exhibiting sociopathic behavior.
I guess I got thrown off by your suggestion that you wanted to handle it in a neighborly manner:
If that's not your goal, then just take the direct approach - inform his parents of his conduct, demand repayment and let them know you'll call the police if it happens again. Then follow through.
I don't think those two things are mutually exclusive. Just because I think some kid is a jerk and shouldn't be rewarded for acting like a jerky kid does not mean I can't be diplomatic when speaking to his parents. Geez.
I dunno, I think kindness and patience can be shown to other people besides friends and family. But then I personally believe in trying to love all others more than my own self (not that it's easy or that I want to, but it's a worthy goal). I think kindness and peace in the world starts with small things and issues like this. If we all had the attitude quoted above, I think the world would be a downright nasty, miserable place.
I like kindness and patience. The kid is trespassing on her property and then destroying it. If my attitude is a bad one, I'll revel in it. If the kid is indeed 10 rather than 15, a softer touch is needed.
When I was a kid I responded much better to clear leadership than adults bargaining with me
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