Parents - No Support (son, husband, friends, mother)

[donnamarie01]

Hi Guys, I am 37, 3 kiddies and have a bad relationship with my parents, i have always coped alone and they just can't be there for me emotionally at all.

My mum is an anxious wreck most of the time and my Dad is quite controlling, i have always craved there love, but as i have grown up, i have had to realise that things were never going to change and it was me that had to make changes, so now with support of my partner and friends, plus support groups etc, i dont feel i need to cope alone anymore.

Just wondered who else is or has been in same boat as me and how they have coped, without family love or support, hugs all
Donna xxx

[marmom]

(((donna)))

It's true that some people get the short end of the stick in the parent department. You will probably always crave / mourn the parental love, nurturing, acceptance, and approval that is every child's birthright, but the key is to focus on the wonderful life that YOU have created with your partner, three children, and friends.

My mother is incredibly toxic, and my dad is nice, but he was never in my life growing up so our relationship is distant. I eventually had to cut my mom out of my life so that her destructive tendencies would not touch my children. I appreciate my father and try to capitalize on that relationship even though we have only seen each other a handful of times in my life.

As far as coping, I found myself struggling and feeling very empty and alone when I first cut my mother out of my life. A bad mom is still a mom. Thankfully I have a very supportive spouse and two amazing children, as well as some great friends. Therapy taught me some essential coping skills. Over time, I found that I thought about my mom less and less, and most certainly did not miss the pain and drama that she brought to my life. Instead of wasting time, energy, and attention on my mother's antics, I was able to focus more completely on the joy of the family that I created.

My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are making some healthy choices. You are 100% right that the only person you can change is yourself. I spent many years trying to "get through" to my mom to no avail. Eventually one has to accept people exactly as they are, where they are, and give up on trying to change others.

[donnamarie01]

Thankyou for your reply and i am so sorry to hear that, i know how painful it must be and my parents are not completely out of my life, we email and odd phonecall, mayb twice a year visit, but when i dont see them i am fine, its when i get te email, phonecall etc, tiny things will set me off and make me feel angry again.

I know in my heart i have to cut them off completely if i am going to be able to get on with my life, its just difficult, when you still crave there love and approval, but like yourself i had CBT and it was best thing i did, i have to move forward with my life, i am trying to put together a website to help people like me, i have met so many who ave no support, so hopefully i will get there.

You see lovely and i hope u and your little family are very happy together always, big hugs xxx

[maggie2101]

My parents passed away long before I had my son. Then, my husband passed away when our son was 8. You just have to keep on living your life and do the best you can.

[no kudzu]

No matter how old you get, you still mourn the love and validation you feel you never got from your parents. You just have to realize it could have been worse and you have a responsibility to yourself and your own family to do the best you can. But the hurt never goes away.