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Several thoughts... first of all, my heart goes out to you. Of course you would like to hear back from him (if he is indeed your father), perhaps even to meet him, or to correspond with him on occasion. I think that's very natural for biological parents. You want to know where you came from in the most basic sense.
You've had 35 years to wonder about that. Yes, your mom told him that you exist, but if he's been absent your entire life, that says several things. He made his choice. He could have chosen to get involved in your life and he didn't. He may not have wanted to, painful as that is. Then he hears from you out of the blue. He likely carries a lot of guilt for never being there. There are likely questions you might ask that he wouldn't want to answer or would feel ashamed for answering. Even if he is one day willing to talk to you, it might take awhile for him to get there in his head.
So, I would just leave it where you did. You made a reasonable effort to get into contact. Twice. He hasn't responded. I don't think sending another message has the ability to do anything but scare him off. Maybe give him some time and see what he does. If nothing else, you tried.
What a thoughtful and compassionate post. I sure hope that you do hear from him but I also hope that you do not let it destroy you if you don't.
You have gotten this far without him; do NOT let it get you down.
I know this is a difficult situation, and I'm sure you've spent your life wanting to know this person. And I really hope that it all works out the way you want, but unfortunately it may not. If this man knew he had a child, and never tried to see her, he may still not want to. Or he may not be prepared to answer the tough questions that you naturally have.
Or it could be the simple explanation that others have suggested, that he just doesn't check his facebook account regularly.
Try to get more information from your mom. Surely, now that you are an adult, she can tell you some things that she may not have wanted to tell you as a child. If your mom, after all this time, still refuses to speak of him, and that's not the way she usually is with other things, then there must be something really not good about this person. Either you can continue to dig for the truth that may hurt, or you may need to accept the fact that you don't have a dad. It's hard, believe me I know, but it can be done. Good luck to you.
I use Facebook, but rarely check the email portion of it - and in fact, I often miss messages - but if people really want to get in touch with me, I figure they'll email or call or post directly on my Facebook wall - which I do check!
Not everyone uses Facebook in the same way, and my theory is that if someone really wants to reach me, they will try an alternate method, once they realize that I don't check my Facebook mail.
Maybe your father is the same way? It wouldn't hurt to find an alternative way to contact him, and if he's on facebook, then he's not hiding, so it shouldn't be too difficult to find an email address or phone number.
Yes, could be he just doesn't check FB or, he has recieved your messages and is not answering...I know exactly how you feel, I was adopted and after locating my bio father...long story, did not know for sure if this was the right person, had a name but he might not have been the one I was looking for, wrote him a letter, couldn't find him on any sites...
In the letter I told him about my bio mom, her name etc and I had been told he was my father...wrote it better than that but you get the drift...in that letter I also asked him if he could please let me know if he was my father so I could have peace of mind, went on to say I didn't want anything from him, I just needed to know...he wrote back.
I would not contact any of his other children if he has any, they may not know about you and he could get really angry so I would stay with contacting him first, now then...having said that, I did write in my letter that I knew he had 3 other children but I didn't want to contact them first as they may not know about me and I wouldn't want to hurt them....if you don't get a reply I'd say that, it may shock him in to contacting you, and you deserve an answer.
It's up to you if you can find a phone# for him and call, I wouldn't but I've known others who have and it's not been good, the person on the other end is totally shocked, a difficult decision, it could go well, who knows, maybe you can find his home address but in the end you do deserve an answer either way, if you can see his friends list on FB you can always contact a few of them just to say you're trying to get in contact with him, don't say who you are though, he may just not be checking FB but they can contact him. Good luck.
To be honest, it doesn't seem like he would be worth contacting. If he abandoned his own children all these years, and could leave a son he knew for 8 years, he doesn't seem too family oriented. What does your brother think?
OP, you may have to face the fact that your father may never want contact with you, and you may never know exactly why.
My friend, now 47, had the same situation. When she was five, her mother found out that he had another woman and a son by her. He left them to live with the other woman and eventually married her. He had visitation with my friend, but over the years he kept cancelling and making excuses as to why he couldn't see her that weekend. She last saw him when she was 13 years old. She tried to contact him at his home when she was an adult in her 20's, and he sent his wife to the door to say he didn't want to see her because she had hurt him by things she said to him when she was 13.
She finally did a search on the Internet a couple of years ago, and found out that he died in 1999. It will always bother her that he didn't want her in his life, and she will never know why.
Just don't place your own self-values on your father's rejection if he doesn't contact you.
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