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Thanks for all the suggestions. Here is a little clarification and an update:
1. The little girl is not usually accompanied by the older sister. I mentioned that the older one is not a behavior problem just to give background, but most of the time the younger one comes over by herself.
2. I've been having serious conversations with the mom, bordering on yelling, since last Fall. It's not like this is a new problem and talking or setting down rules would help.
Update: I called the other parents in the neighborhood and we used a variation of No Kudzo's idea. (This was a GENIUS idea - thanks No Kudzo!!! ) We all called the mom and told her we were each opening home daycare centers, and would charge $15 per hour starting when the little girl walked through the door and ending when the mom came over to sign her out. I was the first to give her this message, she called me a greedy b%$#@ and said she would be right over to get her little girl and was NOT going to pay. I told her this was fine, but her little girl was not at my house at that time (although the older one was). By the time I got up the courage to make the call it was about 8 on Thursday, and getting dark, so the five year old was God-knows-where in the dark.
I called CPS. Based on the fact that the older sister was at my house (and obviously not watching the little sister) and the mom had no idea where the little sister was and didn't go out to look for her, I felt obligated to let someone know, even if they wouldn't do anything.
Something is definitely not right with the mom. It concerned CPS enough (or they were already involved) that a woman came over this morning with a thick file and asked me several questions about my interactions with the mom and the younger girl. The direction of questions were enough to make me feel better about calling, apparently I wasn't the only one to call on this mom, and the social worker seemed to already know the family a bit. One of the questions was "did you know the girls are sent outside and not allowed back into their home until 9 pm each day?".....
I probably won't find out how it ends, but I'm a little less concerned knowing that everyone in the neighborhood is aware of the issue, and CPS is involved. I think we will all be watching out for this little girl until the issue is resolved, or someone else (the dad?????) steps in to take over.
Update: I called the other parents in the neighborhood and we used a variation of No Kudzo's idea. (This was a GENIUS idea - thanks No Kudzo!!! ) We all called the mom and told her we were each opening home daycare centers, and would charge $15 per hour starting when the little girl walked through the door and ending when the mom came over to sign her out. I was the first to give her this message, she called me a greedy b%$#@ and said she would be right over to get her little girl and was NOT going to pay. I told her this was fine, but her little girl was not at my house at that time (although the older one was). By the time I got up the courage to make the call it was about 8 on Thursday, and getting dark, so the five year old was God-knows-where in the dark.
I called CPS. Based on the fact that the older sister was at my house (and obviously not watching the little sister) and the mom had no idea where the little sister was and didn't go out to look for her, I felt obligated to let someone know, even if they wouldn't do anything.
Something is definitely not right with the mom. It concerned CPS enough (or they were already involved) that a woman came over this morning with a thick file and asked me several questions about my interactions with the mom and the younger girl. The direction of questions were enough to make me feel better about calling, apparently I wasn't the only one to call on this mom, and the social worker seemed to already know the family a bit.
OMGoodness! I'm soooooooo glad you did this! What an eye opener!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baltimore suburbs
One of the questions was "did you know the girls are sent outside and not allowed back into their home until 9 pm each day?".....
A little girl, about the same age, lived in my neighborhood whose mother did that. She would be walking down the street crying that her house was locked and her mother wasn't home. When we neighbors figured out what was happening, we all called CPS. After that, the little girl disappeared. Her mother disappeared too. I have no idea what happened. I can only assume the daughter was put into foster care. At least that's what I hope happened. I hope the mother didn't run off with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baltimore suburbs
I probably won't find out how it ends, but I'm a little less concerned knowing that everyone in the neighborhood is aware of the issue, and CPS is involved. I think we will all be watching out for this little girl until the issue is resolved, or someone else (the dad?????) steps in to take over.
Right. Now that you know what she's going through, you can't send her away. Maybe call CPS every time she shows up at your house and have the neighbors do the same? But I fear than the mother would lock her in the basement if roaming the streets is getting her into trouble. Why can't CPS just take the little girl now? Did the social worker give you any guidance on how to handle this?
OH LORDY! Thanks for the update .. yanno I thought it was a case of L.A.P. ( lazy a$$ed parenting) going on but if the state already has this family in their sights there is deff something going on..
So now what.. I GUESS if the kid keeps coming back your gonna have to at least semi parent her .. sad to say but yanno better than her get taken by some pervert because her mom is a idiot
Something is definitely not right with the mom. It concerned CPS enough (or they were already involved) that a woman came over this morning with a thick file and asked me several questions about my interactions with the mom and the younger girl. The direction of questions were enough to make me feel better about calling, apparently I wasn't the only one to call on this mom, and the social worker seemed to already know the family a bit. One of the questions was "did you know the girls are sent outside and not allowed back into their home until 9 pm each day?".....
I figured something was up with the "mother". (She doesn't deserve the title, because right now she's flunking Motherhood 101.)
Sorry, you are having to go through this. CPS has probably been aware of her for some time. Think about keeping a journal on what you see. If little girl is out wandering around, she comes into your house again, etc. If CPS comes back, they'll appreciate it. It will also help you play CYA if the mother makes a stink about the neighbors.
(I had neighbors from hell. I'm well versed in what goes on. Like I said, the mother will try to turn this around and make you or your neighbors the bad guys. Keep the record so she can't do this. Boy, I feel sorry for you. And the girls.)
Thank you for the update, and I'm glad you called CPS. Poor kid, even though she's a pain in your rear, it must be terrible for her to have a mom who could care less about her. I'm glad you and your other neighbors care enough to do something to help her.
Calling CPS was the right thing to do. When my son was only 2, one of the little boys in the neighborhood had a similar rule - out at 9 am, house locked until 5 pm. Mother, we knew, had moved because of CPS. We HATED that he and his sister had that rule, and he was only 4 or 5. Then a neighbor told me she saw mother slap him in the face and I told her to bring him to me next time she saw him. 2 days later, my neighbor said the little boy was in her apt and he had a hand-print on his face. She would not call CPS. I told her to bring all the kids over to my apt (my son was napping). I talked to the little boy and he told me he's not allowed home during the day and he told me his mother slaps him on the face all the time. This child had 4 fingers and a thumb on his face! I was livid. I called CPS and told them exactly what he said and that he was at my home at the time.
The other neighbors were afraid of the mother - she was a bully-type and when confronted about anything, she threatened them. They asked me questions I was unable to answer, I told them that everything I knew was 2nd hand and that everyone else was too afraid of the mother. Someone came the next day but the report I got that night was that mother and kids had disappeared overnight.
Thanks for all the suggestions. Here is a little clarification and an update:
1. The little girl is not usually accompanied by the older sister. I mentioned that the older one is not a behavior problem just to give background, but most of the time the younger one comes over by herself.
2. I've been having serious conversations with the mom, bordering on yelling, since last Fall. It's not like this is a new problem and talking or setting down rules would help.
Update: I called the other parents in the neighborhood and we used a variation of No Kudzo's idea. (This was a GENIUS idea - thanks No Kudzo!!! ) We all called the mom and told her we were each opening home daycare centers, and would charge $15 per hour starting when the little girl walked through the door and ending when the mom came over to sign her out. I was the first to give her this message, she called me a greedy b%$#@ and said she would be right over to get her little girl and was NOT going to pay. I told her this was fine, but her little girl was not at my house at that time (although the older one was). By the time I got up the courage to make the call it was about 8 on Thursday, and getting dark, so the five year old was God-knows-where in the dark.
I called CPS. Based on the fact that the older sister was at my house (and obviously not watching the little sister) and the mom had no idea where the little sister was and didn't go out to look for her, I felt obligated to let someone know, even if they wouldn't do anything.
Something is definitely not right with the mom. It concerned CPS enough (or they were already involved) that a woman came over this morning with a thick file and asked me several questions about my interactions with the mom and the younger girl. The direction of questions were enough to make me feel better about calling, apparently I wasn't the only one to call on this mom, and the social worker seemed to already know the family a bit. One of the questions was "did you know the girls are sent outside and not allowed back into their home until 9 pm each day?".....
I probably won't find out how it ends, but I'm a little less concerned knowing that everyone in the neighborhood is aware of the issue, and CPS is involved. I think we will all be watching out for this little girl until the issue is resolved, or someone else (the dad?????) steps in to take over.
Thanks for all the suggestions.
Oh wow. The bolded bit is just ... . Those poor girls! Don't they get dinner? What about homework?
Sorry, I know this is way long, but I wouldn't mind a little advice on how to deal with this now that we know a little more about the situation. And all of you had such great advice in the first place I was hoping I could grab some more
So we've been letting the little girl come over whenever she wants and taking her back at 9pm since last Friday. But her behaviour is baffling, I just don't know how to "semi-parent" this.... any advice would be helpful.
She's destructive - writes on walls, breaks toys, etc. So I've made a rule for her that she is only allowed to play inside in the family room (which has almost no breakables) or outside (where everything is fairly tough and can handle her). Yet she always manages to break the weirdest things. Yesterday she popped a soccer ball with a sharp stick she found in the grass. Who pops a soccer ball???? And she managed this in about 30 seconds while I was about four feet away from her. I didn't even see her find the stick!
She's foul-mouthed - my sons were playing soccer and she was five feet away from me watching them play. Every time my 11 year old ran past her he would give her a dirty look. I couldn't figure it out, until he finally yelled "shut up" to her ( a phrase which is NOT allowed in our house). I sent him to his room and as he stormed off I asked him what in the world would make him yell that to a little girl. he said "every time I run by she calls me a g-a-y pu$$y" (he spelled it for me....)
She steals - we figured this one out this weekend. This has been the first weekend she spent the entire day at our house. Just past lunch time on Saturday she got upset that we didn't have any candy to give her and asked to go home. I walked her home, and she came back about 30 minutes later with pockets full of candy. I figured she got it at home, walked in, got candy, and came back over. On Sunday, same thing, just after lunch she asked to go home. I walked her home, this time I waited because I figured she would be back out with candy in a minute. She wasn't. After 20 minutes or so my husband called me and said she was back at our house with candy. When I got back I asked why she didn't come back out her front door, she said "because the way to the store is out the back door" WTH? Apparently she goes in the front door, out the back, walks approx three blocks, crosses a rather busy street to steal candy from a convenience store!!!! Yes, I asked her - no she didn't pay for it. "you don't have to pay as long as the man doesn't see you" was her answer! For this one, I threw the candy away instantly, now I'm wondering how long it will be before the mother calls me demanding to know why I stole her daughter's candy and threw it away.
I can't punish her, it's not like I can take anything away from her privilege wise. The most I can do is sit her in a corner in time out, but whenever I try she leaves to find a "more fun house". I don't want to bribe her i.e. if you are good you can play this game or play with that toy because I don't want to set a bad example for my own kids. And the last thing I want to do is send her back home, but I'm getting to my wits' end. I have no clue how to handle this girl.
The social worker gave me the following advice when she was here:
1. don't leave the girl alone in the house or the yard (fine, common sense)
2. try to have two adults present at all times (a little tougher, but understandable for liability reasons)
3. do not let her have any physical contact with any males whatsoever. Not even a high-five (great, so now I think she was sexually abused in the past; or that the mother has tried to press false charges against someone in the past)
4. don't physically discipline her. and by that, don't even pick her up to put her in a time out chair, or pull her off another child if they fight. Just try not to touch her at all. (what the heck???)
5. keep records of everything. Date/time the girl is in the house and who else is there with her. any physical bruises, or odd behaviour we notice.
That was all the advice I got, and as far as a timeline, the social worker said she was glad the girl had access to a positive influence until "the situation was resolved or an alternate arrangement was found". Which tells me this may take a while. I called CPS again on Sunday and left a message but haven't heard back yet. My husband and I are a little worried about being liable if she leaves our house and heads to the store - what if she is hit by a car, or picked up by someone, and are we ultimately responsible for what she steals?
...and overall I just don't know how long we can do this until it adversely affects our own family. Some of the neighbors are willing to help and have the girl over there for a few hours, but most want to wash their hands of the whole thing, or are worried about being sued for something.
I would not let that kid in my house at all, sorry. That's my advice.
yeah... my DH has the same recommendation, but I would never forgive myself if something happened to her and I had the power to prevent it.
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) We all called the mom and told her we were each opening home daycare centers, and would charge $15 per hour starting when the little girl walked through the door and ending when the mom came over to sign her out. I was the first to give her this message, she called me a greedy b%$#@ and said she would be right over to get her little girl and was NOT going to pay. I told her this was fine, but her little girl was not at my house at that time (although the older one was). By the time I got up the courage to make the call it was about 8 on Thursday, and getting dark, so the five year old was God-knows-where in the dark.
Did the social worker give you any guidance on how to handle this?
. Those poor girls! Don't they get dinner? What about homework?
update - and plea for advice!
