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Old 06-13-2011, 03:08 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,831,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7 View Post
You have too much information. When she comes crying to you say, wow I have a doctor, salon, massage appointment, can I get back to you later?
Same goes for when the husband comes to gossip about his wife. The grandparents need to put a stop to being involved via even "listening."
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Old 06-13-2011, 04:47 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 14,643,535 times
Reputation: 3460
Great point
What we are trying to do here is help you see that you are being used for their own purposes. Put an end to it and see if they can for once mop up their mess.
Get yourself a present.
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Old 06-13-2011, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 506,783 times
Reputation: 507
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7 View Post
Great point
What we are trying to do here is help you see that you are being used for their own purposes. Put an end to it and see if they can for once mop up their mess.
Get yourself a present.
I agree, I was coming to that conclusion, much slower than you all, but definitely getting there. Found out today that the whole suicide threat from the son in law was in fact a text message that's three weeks old....and apparently my SD did not know this, got his parents and us involved and then he has the nerve to be mad at her! Neither one of these bozos can think past two feet in front of them, they deserve each other. She must have called him and left 20 messages about how worried she was about him, and he let her continue to fret and worry for hours! What kind of person does that?

It is too much for me, I only hope and pray that the grandsons don't turn out to be complete messes too.

Hopes you were right, he had me Fooled, but not for long, his true colors surfaced fairly quickly.

This is so exhausting. How do people live their lives at this level of intensity and drama? It is unnatural.
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:54 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 14,643,535 times
Reputation: 3460
God bless you!
You can be there but you just have to draw a line and stick to it.
In the long run you are really helping them.
Take care.
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 506,783 times
Reputation: 507
Talking I'm trying it out....

Today I sent a text to my SD to let her know I wasn't going to involve myself in these discussions, that it didn't seem to really be helping anyone. I specifically told her I wasn't going to engage in lengthy discussions with her husband and then two seconds later he called me!

It was so weird.

So he starts in telling me all these details that I didn't want to know, and when I finally could get a word in edge-wise, I told him that I had decided not to talk to either one of them anymore unless it was about something concrete like the grandkids, but that I felt like being in these discussions wasn't helping yadda yadda.

Do you know, he said, "that's good" and then proceeded to yap at me like I hadn't said what I just said. So I interrupted him and told him that I was in the middle of doing something with my youngest and her friend and I had to run.

LOL.....
So I drew the line in the sand and put a highlighter on it.
I feel much better already.
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Old 06-14-2011, 07:16 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 14,643,535 times
Reputation: 3460
Good for you!!
Now they will try to drag you back in so if you have to write yourself a script then do it and keep it handy to read. LOL!
After some time then you decided the when and where ok?
I wish I could give you a big hug!
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Old 08-23-2011, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 506,783 times
Reputation: 507
Default Update on our Adult Daugther & her situation...

If you recall, my stepdaughter, her husband and two grandsons live(d) in our rental house and were having relationship issues, smoking pot and generally making poor decisions.

The husband, who we thought was the stable one quit two paying jobs and moved out of state back in with his parents, leaving my stepdaughter here in town with a part-time job, a child starting Kindergarten and a two year old.

She planned on moving out of our house and in with friends, and she is seeking govt. assistance and has a case worker etc. We sped up her moving out date, and this week we have been helping her pack and temporarily she is moving in with my sister-in-law who generously offered a spare bedroom to her.

My husband's Aunt and Uncle needed a place to rent ASAP, so that's why we were kicking out my stepdaughter, for lack of a better term. I can only support so many people and households before I run out of money, so while on the one hand it seems cruel that I would kick her out, I think the general consensus was tough love needed to be applied, so we applied it.

Luckily, there are no hard feelings from my stepdaughter, as she wants us to actually have renters who pay rent, and she really did want to move out of the house and in with friends.

I am very hopeful that all of this will be good for her in the long run, but I am sad for my little grandsons who are going through all of this. We had them over for dinner the other night, and the 5 year old is coming over this week again.....

a mess for sure, but maybe moving in the right direction

thank you to everyone who gave input previously, it did help to have a place to bounce ideas and get input
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Old 09-06-2011, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 506,783 times
Reputation: 507
Default Trying hard to distance myself from adult daughter & situation....

But I am not doing a good job of it. I suppose this is more of a rant then anything else, and I freely admit to being very crabby the past week.

She has moved in with my sister in law while she waits for govt. Assistance in finding a place of her own for her and the two boys.

My sister in law is going above and beyond, helping her get organized, feeding my grandsons, bathing them and putting them to sleep while my step daughter is at work. She works in retail and many times she has hours that start at 2pm or 4pm and end around 11pm.

This week they asked my step daughter to work six days in a row, so I am helping watch my five year old and two year old grandsons. In fact, in a little bit I am treating them to a trip to Chuckee Cheese!

However, my stepdaughter was supposed to go sign up for free GED classes today, and she told my sister in law that she had been feeling sick and was going to go next week. Also, when she dropped off her boys for me to watch just now, I asked my grandson how school was today, and apparently she didn't drag her butt out of bed to get him to school, so he missed school. He just started kindergarten last week.

It makes me so angry that she is so irresponsible, and I am not even sure why I am getting so angry. Maybe because she just seems so ungrateful for the help we have given her? I don't know how the two are connected, but I do believe it is dumb for me to get worked up over this.

If you recall any of the history from my earlier posts, then some of this will be familiar to you. Many of you told me time to take the tough love approach, but I sort only took half a tough love approach. The day we moved her out of our rental, her car broke down, so we paid to get it repaired so she could get to work and take her son to school. Then we had to pay a $370.00 past due electric bill so that our new tenants could have electricity. (and she confided to my sister in law that her dad only throws money at her because he feels guilty). Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, makes me so angry, it has been me and my money thrown at that ungrateful chit. With absolutely NO GUILT attached. Just a desire to help, but I think that desire has gone away.....lol

So I have resolved that is the end of me helping out with money. I will gladly watch the boys when I can, but that's it.

Same with my stepson, who wrecked his car for the 3rd time. The repairs can't be complete until a part comes in on national back order, and I'll be damned if I am paying for a rental for him. I paid for his car, his insurance, and the deductible on the repairs the first two times.

I am telling you what, parenting adult children is difficult, and I hope I didn't take so much for granted from my parents!
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Old 09-06-2011, 01:38 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,415 posts, read 47,402,095 times
Reputation: 47680
They will continue to take advantage to you as long as you keep bailing them out.
Sorry.
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Old 09-06-2011, 01:54 PM
 
7,214 posts, read 9,375,282 times
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So I have resolved that is the end of me helping out with money. I will gladly watch the boys when I can, but that's it.

This is probably the best thing you can do for everyone involved, including yourself, at this point.
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