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Why do you think this person would choose to be reasonable now?
It is up to you to protect your child. Get to it.
What is he being unreasonable about? Is dating and moving on with his life unreasonable? I fail to see where him dating and even bringing other people around his child is grounds to accuse him of anything. Given, it's probably not the best idea to parade a bunch of random women around, but it's a far stretch to assume that it causes some great harm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
It doesn't sound like he wants to seriously date.
He just wants to hook up and doesn't want it to be serious.
If you don't like it petition for sole custody.
That's just about the only option she has, but this alone will not make for a strong case at all.
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Originally Posted by Mt-7
anything that takes time and attention away from your child harms them...
Absolute and utter BS.
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Originally Posted by needadvicepleaseplease
Seriously....... You think it is ok to have a sex partner in your bed with your 3 year old kid 5 feet away...... I'd say it's you that has issues......
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Originally Posted by Justin Time
This is the real issue: Is he having sex while a three-year-old is in the same bedroom? You need to make sure that he understands that this is not acceptable behavior. Many three-year-olds can retell elaborately detailed accounts of what they see.
You may need to talk to your lawyer about his visitations if this is still a concern.
Also, I can imagine the stories at preschool. Children often tell their playmates and teachers about EVERYTHING that goes on at home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27
How do you know anyway..they didnt leave the kid in the bedroom and had sex somewhere else..not in front of him..like the livingroom or kitchen..
and what if they just slept???
Having someone sleep over in the same bed does not equal them having sex in front of the child. That was implied, but completely unfounded. It's not like the kid came home and said "daddy and his friend were playing leap frog all night, but I think daddy got stuck."
FWIW and bash me if you want, my wife and I have gotten it on once or twice with a kid passed out sleeping in the same room. Not crazy monkey love, but sex nonetheless.
I agree with you that having casual sleep over dates with a young child around is not appropriate. However, I see absolutely nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Set a good example in your own home. That's about all you can do.
ETA how often does the kid stay with him? Was this is once every other week visit and he spent it out on a date instead of with his son? IMO divorced parents should do their dating and sleepovers when the child is with the other parent.
I agree with you that having casual sleep over dates with a young child around is not appropriate. However, I see absolutely nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Set a good example in your own home. That's about all you can do.
ETA how often does the kid stay with him? Was this is once every other week visit and he spent it out on a date instead of with his son? IMO divorced parents should do their dating and sleepovers when the child is with the other parent.
I agree with your measured and logical response. There is nothing she can do and details were extremely lacking. For all we know the girlfriend came over and they both spent time with the son and she ended up staying. Him having his girlfriend over does not mean he is neglecting his son.
For reference, watch some of the episodes of Teen Mom where Maci had to learn to deal with the fact that Ryan was dating and bringing the other girl around their son. Also, the situation was later reversed when Maci started dating and Ryan was upset about her new boyfriend being around their son.
I hate to say it, but it does seem like there is a pang of jealousy there that is driving some of what you are saying. You're going to have to learn that you can't control everything he does and even if he makes seemingly poor choices as long as it is not directly harming your son, there isn't much you can do.
I agree with you that having casual sleep over dates with a young child around is not appropriate. However, I see absolutely nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Set a good example in your own home. That's about all you can do.
ETA how often does the kid stay with him? Was this is once every other week visit and he spent it out on a date instead of with his son? IMO divorced parents should do their dating and sleepovers when the child is with the other parent.
Understandable, unfortunatly...
We have split custody at the moment. He gets him while i am at work and i get him while he is at work and then every other weekend.
We have split custody at the moment. He gets him while i am at work and i get him while he is at work and then every other weekend.
So basically, outside of every other weekend, all of dad's free time is spent taking care of his son. Nothing wrong with that, but given what the custody agreement is, it isn't exactly feasible to expect him to never have someone over his house while he is watching his son. Besides, what denotes "serious" enough of a relationship in order for him to introduce his son to someone in his life?
So basically, outside of every other weekend, all of dad's free time is spent taking care of his son. Nothing wrong with that, but given what the custody agreement is, it isn't exactly feasible to expect him to never have someone over his house while he is watching his son. Besides, what denotes "serious" enough of a relationship in order for him to introduce his son to someone in his life?
True. But he admits that this person is not serious, and that he is not seeing anybody serious. I would say it's acceptable when you have gone on multiple dates with one person and are not seeing other people, that would be considered "serious". at least enough to bring your son into the situation and see if they are compatible.
The appropriate thing to do would be to save his overnight dates at his house for when he is not caring for his 3 year old. I see absolutely no problem with dating, but when you have children, I would think discretion is paramount. If your ex has no time for himself because of the arrangement, then he should get a babysitter for a few hours.
I also think it's not appropriate to parade all your non-serious dates around your children. Relationships break up and children do not need to be exposed to all the dating and breakups. Children tend to blame themselves for things that go wrong. If someone steady is in your ex's life, then I can see that person being introduced to the child and having involvement.
I understand your concern. But be careful about letting your emotions into this. You need a good relationship between you and your ex to parent this child.
The appropriate thing to do would be to save his overnight dates at his house for when he is not caring for his 3 year old. I see absolutely no problem with dating, but when you have children, I would think discretion is paramount. If your ex has no time for himself because of the arrangement, then he should get a babysitter for a few hours.
I also think it's not appropriate to parade all your non-serious dates around your children. Relationships break up and children do not need to be exposed to all the dating and breakups. Children tend to blame themselves for things that go wrong. If someone steady is in your ex's life, then I can see that person being introduced to the child and having involvement.
I understand your concern. But be careful about letting your emotions into this. You need a good relationship between you and your ex to parent this child.
This is EXACTLY how i feel. However, what i am unsure about is how to handle him not seeing it the same way. How do i attempt to relay to him the importance of being a good role model for his son when he believes that these things will not effect him?
True. But he admits that this person is not serious, and that he is not seeing anybody serious. I would say it's acceptable when you have gone on multiple dates with one person and are not seeing other people, that would be considered "serious". at least enough to bring your son into the situation and see if they are compatible.
I agree with you and understand your frustration and pain in the matter. Though I've never personally been in the situation, my wife has friends who have and it is never easy.
I would just reiterate what Beth 56 said below. You need to get along with your ex for the sake of your child. You obviously have a custody agreement that means the two of you are routinely around each other. Somethings and this maybe one of them, you need to learn to let go of in order to keep the peace between you.
That doesn't mean letting your guard down and giving him a pass on everything, it means dealing with it a non-emotional and logical manner. You've told him you don't agree with him bringing people he is casually dating around your son, for your sons benefit. He obviously doesn't see it as a big deal and may think you're just jealous. You need to figure out whether it is a big enough issue to go nuclear over. I don't think it is.
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You need to make sure that he understands that this is not acceptable behavior. Many three-year-olds can retell elaborately detailed accounts of what they see.
You may need to talk to your lawyer about his visitations if this is still a concern. 
Also, I can imagine the stories at preschool. 
Children often tell their playmates and teachers about EVERYTHING that goes on at home.
