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Please advise on what has quickly escalated into physical bullying against my son.
My son, 8, goes to a private Christian (ha!) school.
He has had problems on and off with one other boy, mostly just unkind teasing and the like. (nothing physical). It had gotten much better since February. My son has always had a lot of friends and not had difficulty with other children prior to this year.
On Monday, this boy told my son that he would hit my son and a 3rd boy would beat my son up. My son had not had problems with the 3rd boy until now.
On Tuesday, while waiting to be picked up and in the presence of a teacher, the 3rd boy, without provocation, walked over to my son and punched him in the ear. I talked to the teacher, who verified this.
Today, Thursday, the same boy went over to my son during recess (my son was playing with other children) and shoved him down into the dirt. Again, without provocation.
Both times, my son told the teacher in charge and the teacher made the other kid "sit out".
Thankfully, my son was not seriously injured either time, but you can imagine that punching someone in the ear could cause major damage.
Now my son is not necessarily wimpy, but he has a very sweet and gentle nature. I have told him in no uncertain terms that he needs to punch the kid back if he does it again. I have told him the bully will not leave him alone until he lets the bully know he will not put up with it.
My son is reluctant to do this--he does not want to get in trouble. I have told him he will not get in trouble from his father or me if he is defending himself.
I called the school several times and today spoke with the academic dean (the equivalent of the "principal") and she started out with, well, boys will be boys, and, well, if the one kid just said something that is OK, no big deal.
Then my "mama tiger" became unleashed and I told her that according to the anti-bullying laws of our state, verbal threats are equivalant to physical harm, and the school clearly has a culture that does not stand up against bullies...then she changed her tone a little, said, oh yes, that was wrong to hit him, we don't "allow" the children to touch each other. Oh yeah, like that is working out well.
This is what I have done so far:
1) Called the academic dean and told her this was unacceptable; tomorrow I am going back in to speak with them in person.
2) Called the karate instructor that both boys go to in hopes he can do something. The sensei (sp?) has promised to talk to all the boys but I am not sure if that will actually accomplish anything.
3) Called the City Superintendant of Schools and the State Board of Education, but neither have any jurisdiction since it is a private school.
4) Prepared a "Notice of Harrassment" directed to the school principal and teacher, naming both boys and detailing the incidents--can't deliver it til Monday though because my DH has to sign and he is out of town--I can prepare this for the parents of the boys also if it would help....
Thankfully, we are changing schools for next year because of my husband's new job in another state.
But what else can I do?
I have considered pulling my son out and I think I will if he actually gets punched again (although some may consider pushing as bad as hitting)--there are 6 weeks of school left. I still haven't decided on this. I don't want to give him a quitters attitude, but it also is not right that he is being physically attacked at school.
Can the police get involved or is that being too dramatic?
How can I help my son get more mentally tough in order to stand up to this bully, or a bully in the future?
Please do not suggest calling the parents as I don't think that would help.
I'm quite surprised the academic dean has not been more proactive. Is it possible that something else is being done that you are not aware of, or are they really doing nothing? Talking to the sensei is good. It has been my experience that they get very involved in this sort of thing, well my kids instructors did. I would also make it clear to the dean that since nothing happened to the kids who did this to your son, when your son fights back you demand nothing happen to him. That should make her sit up and take notice. Threatening to make their pathetic response public knowledge may also garner some attention. After all, private school = money talks.
I actually told the dean today that our son has our blessing to punch back next time something like this happens. (Which, IMO, my son should have done today when he was shoved down).
Part of me also thinks I should fight on behalf of the next kid this bully picks on. My son will be gone in 6 weeks, but what about the next kid?
Maybe you should sign up your son for some karate lessons as well. Bullying goes on at schools, teachers know it. You have done what you can. Now, help your child with a plan for recess, he should hang closer to the teacher, hang with some other kids.
Even if it is a private school, they still have to follow rules, you should ask to see the written policy they have regarding fighting in school, and bullying, ask how they are implementing that policy, if they don't have a policy, when there is a parents meeting, this is a good time to bring up that the school should have one.
Do things that will help your son have higher self esteem, he can ignore the bully, or teach how to verbally stand up for himself. Help him develop a plan of action when the bullies start their punching.
Maybe you should sign up your son for some karate lessons as well. Bullying goes on at schools, teachers know it. You have done what you can. Now, help your child with a plan for recess, he should hang closer to the teacher, hang with some other kids.
Do things that will help your son have higher self esteem, he can ignore the bully, or teach how to verbally stand up for himself. Help him develop a plan of action when the bullies start their punching.
He does take karate.
Judo, huh? We just practiced twisting an arm behind the back. My son is actually quite strong for 8 He might be more confident/comfortable with that than with throwing a punch.
Yea I would for sure make sure your son knows its ok to defend himself and stand up for himself. It seems as though your doing all that you can in the situation I would try to contact the boys parents if possible.
I know I have anger issues but I can just picture myself walking up to that 8 yo bully and hitting him if he hit my child. Yeah I know not the way to go. LOL
So, would you start with the Notice of Harrassmant? Or go straight for the big guns?
Judo, huh? Since we're moving we have to change martial arts studios anyway. I'll look into that.
Just sue the parents and deal with the school separately.
But I think you should teach your son the court system is how adults deal with problems that cannot be resolved to both parties satisfaction and not resort to physical violence.
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