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I think there is a big difference between making the conscious choice to not want children and actually going ahead and taking steps to make that an impossibility. I think at that age it is far too young to make a lifelong choice about something as large as having or not having children.
There are several posters who parade through this forum talking about how they want kids, lots of kids and they are 17, 18, 19 years old. The general advice is to wait until they are actually ready and then don't make some predefined choice about how many you will have. I think that same advice applies to this situation.
Not wanting children today is fine, but you don't know if that is how you will feel in 5, 10 ,15+ years. Your mind may not change, but it may. Why take steps to make the decision permanent. Think about it, 10 years ago you were a kid. You had kid interests. Now, you are a semi-adult and your interests have most likely changed. Today it seems that you don't want children, but nothing guarantees that to always be the case.
I won't criticize someones choice for not wanting children, but to make it a permanent choice early in life is simply foolish. I know some CF people and I know at least one man who had a vasectomy in his early 20's based on his desire to never have children. He and his wife are now adopting. Other CF people I know spent their life avoiding having children for various reasons and are now in their 40's and experience pangs of regret that they never had children. They often simply focus on the benefits of being CF in public, but in private some of them do regret the choice. There are very few people who choose to be CF, remain so throughout their life and are 100% happy with that choice.
Again, I won't question your decision to be CF, but why take away options so early in life?
Very sensible post. I don't know and couldn't guess the number of contented childfree people, but I agree that waiting before making a permanent decision is smart. Sterilization, i.e., "I'll just have it reversed someday if I change my mind," should not be regarded as a real option. The reversal procedure is painful, expensive and not guaranteed.
Women "trap" men into having children? Hmm...I suggest you have a vasectomy. That way no one will "trap" you. And then, when a nice woman comes along, who wants children, she will just move on to another guy. And you won't get trapped.
And there are books and music and movies that are your favorites during your teen years, but if they remain your favorites, it would indicate no growth, no maturity throughout your life.
You are probably attracted to teenage girls right now. But if that is still the case in 30 yrs, you will have a serious problem.
Ask yourself why it is so important to you that you do NOT change your mind. Why have you embraced this self-image so strongly? Why no flexibility?
Life will throw you curveballs. I hadn't planned on having a gay son. I hadn't planned on moving away from my family. I hadn't planned on losing my parents when I was in my early 30s. But you will have an easier time in life if you stay flexible.
I think you're assuming everyone changes a lot.
Let's take a band that was popular in the 70s like Led Zeppelin. The teenagers at the time liked the band and their parents probably said "You'll outgrow this music when you get older." But now the teenagers of the 70s are in their 50s and a lot of them still like Led Zeppelin.
Does that mean those 50-somethings show no growth and no maturity?
As for being attracted to teenage girls...
As long as they're 18 or 19, I don't see what's so bad about me being attracted to teenage girls in 30 years.
Why is it so important that I don't change my mind?
Because I don't want to change my life so drastically when it's not something I want. Like I said, I would be devastated if I had a baby. Since you have kid(s), you'll never understand how much it would devastate someone like me if I had a baby.
And I honestly don't see myself changing my mind. I know myself better than any of the forum members know me. And I know I'm a man of my word.
I picked a career path that won't get me rich, so there's the financial side too. I don't want to struggle financially by having a baby. Call me selfish, but I want to live the best lifestyle I can afford rather than waste money on kids. I live this life for me.
And it's not like I have no flexibility. I don't think all my life plans are set in stone. But I know one thing...I don't want kids.
I actually think people change more from 14 to 19 than they do from 19 to 25.
When I was 14, I had trouble socializing with 19 year olds. Hell, I had trouble socializing with 16 year olds when I was 14.
But now I'm 19 and one of my friends is 25. I don't have trouble socializing with 25 year olds.
Obviously I relate to 25 year olds at 19 better than I related to 19 year olds at 14.
Put another way: When you're 14, 5-6 years is a big chunk of your life. But at 25, 5-6 years is a smaller percentage of your life.
The point I'm trying to make is if I've kept the same plan since I was 14, that's a sign that I'm still going to have the plan at 25 (and beyond)
My perspective about and desires for life changed most in my post college years and in a rapid way. At 19 I didn't want kids and thought I might never want them, or at the most in a distant future. By the time I was 24 I was married and had a kid on the way and I WANTED it.
Let's take a band that was popular in the 70s like Led Zeppelin. The teenagers at the time liked the band and their parents probably said "You'll outgrow this music when you get older." But now the teenagers of the 70s are in their 50s and a lot of them still like Led Zeppelin.
But for every Led Zeppelin fan (Led Zeppelin is awesome btw), there is a FORMER New Kids on the Block fan.
And I honestly don't see myself changing my mind. I know myself better than any of the forum members know me. And I know I'm a man of my word.
Did you promise someone you wouldn't change your mind? It sounds like he are determined that you will never change your mind to prove something to someone.
I picked a career path that won't get me rich, so there's the financial side too. I don't want to struggle financially by having a baby. Call me selfish, but I want to live the best lifestyle I can afford rather than waste money on kids. I live this life for me.
What if you meet a woman that is very financial comfortable? What if you fall desperately in love with her and she wants kids?
And it's not like I have no flexibility. I don't think all my life plans are set in stone. But I know one thing...I don't want kids.
I'm not trying to tell you that you will definitely change your mind. You probably won't. I just think you should have an open mind.
One other thing, before I became a mother, I didn't like kids. My pregnancy was unexpected to say the least. But how you feel about OTHER people's kids is not an all an indication of how you will feel about your own kids. I used to look at other people's children and think "Yuck! They are loud and dirty and annoying!!" But when I held my own child for the first time, it was like night and day. I fell hopelessly in love.
The reason I went there was so I could understand why some people with kids are so resentful of the CF. I kept reading stories about how CF people get angry, if not hostile reactions to their decision to be CF.
And some people like West of Encino have decided even before 19 to not have kids. And he's 23 now and still doesn't want kids.
I don't really care if other people have children or not. Some of the people I know who have children shouldn't have, and some of the ones who don't made a good choice.
OTOH, I don't see why anyone should applaud another person for statements like "I'm too selfish to have kids". Last I heard, "selfish" wasn't a desirable attribute, and applauding a sort of surface self-awareness is a bit too Dr Phil for my tastes.
The human race is in no danger of dying out. When you have children, you'd be devoting the rest of your life to providing for them. I'm too selfish for that. And when you think of all the women who trap men into paying child support for 18 years, the childfree life sounds like a very viable option. Have you noticed that women use children like pawns? I've made myself sick just thinking about it.
I'd much rather have a vasectomy and play the field my whole life. When I turn 18, (only 7 months from now) I will be legally entitled to that.
What do you think?
Even though I am blissfully childfree myself - some would even say militantly childfree, I know a baited thread when I see one. Tonymanero, you should have more class than to start this in a parenting forum. Shame on you, you make all CF folks look bad.
20yrsinBranson
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