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That is only to determine eligibility for *Federal* financial aid. As I said in a previous post, there is the PELL grant, which is a seperate thing. There's also state aid, and different schools have their own student financial aid, and even some cities/towns/villages offer financial aid. If she works for certain companies, those companies also provide financial aid (Staples is one of them, I believe Starbucks offers it to employees as well). There are also individual scholarships of hundreds and hundreds of different types, some of which this young woman -might- qualify for, but you'd have to do the research and it's all available in a single volume in the library. I don't remember what it's called.
My point was - that alone (qualifying her for the Pell Grant) is not gonna get him the $$ he was looking for and the IRS regs are not going to help him get the other $$. But not negating the Pell Grant! It will definitely help.
That is only to determine eligibility for *Federal* financial aid. As I said in a previous post, there is the PELL grant, which is a seperate thing. There's also state aid, and different schools have their own student financial aid, and even some cities/towns/villages offer financial aid. If she works for certain companies, those companies also provide financial aid (Staples is one of them, I believe Starbucks offers it to employees as well). There are also individual scholarships of hundreds and hundreds of different types, some of which this young woman -might- qualify for, but you'd have to do the research and it's all available in a single volume in the library. I don't remember what it's called.
Will find it, thanks. There have been a lot if useful information and ideas and I thank everyone that has taken the time to respond.
I do know this much, discuss the "rules" of living in your home. Don't take care of her too much, some people's lives are always in crisis, and they look for people to rescue them. Also, I think that you need to take this one step at a time. Right now, offer a place for a month or two, for her to get on her feet, and figure things out. Don't offer too much. You don't know what you may be getting into. Also, this could cause issues with your own daughter. I helped out one of my daughter's friends too-different situation, she was an exchange student and the home she was placed in was beyond terrible- but this girl from China was so grateful, she was perfect, to the point of annoying my normally sweet daughter. And that was time limited.
I personally think you are in rescue mode. Step back a bit.
Note; my tuition for my degree was paid by my school district, but my major was special ed, working with deaf children...so it does happen, if you major in a high need area.
My point was - that alone (qualifying her for the Pell Grant) is not gonna get him the $$ he was looking for and the IRS regs are not going to help him get the other $$. But not negating the Pell Grant! It will definitely help.
There is a pile of money needed. Where that pile comes from or whether it is from one or ten sources is not important.
I do know this much, discuss the "rules" of living in your home. Don't take care of her too much, some people's lives are always in crisis, and they look for people to rescue them. Also, I think that you need to take this one step at a time. Right now, offer a place for a month or two, for her to get on her feet, and figure things out. Don't offer too much. You don't know what you may be getting into. Also, this could cause issues with your own daughter. I helped out one of my daughter's friends too-different situation, she was an exchange student and the home she was placed in was beyond terrible- but this girl from China was so grateful, she was perfect, to the point of annoying my normally sweet daughter. And that was time limited.
I personally think you are in rescue mode. Step back a bit.
Note; my tuition for my degree was paid by my school district, but my major was special ed, working with deaf children...so it does happen, if you major in a high need area.
Understood. We've gone through the house rules.
I've not discussed anything long term, but I want to know what I can offer if push comes to shove.
There are many scenarios, this being one of them. I'm an actuary. For the past 25 years I've looked across a distribution of possible outcomes and concentrate on the worst ones. If it doesn't come to fruition then no worse for the wear. However, if it does there is a general get plan in place to avoid making quick decisions. I doubt this comes through like I think it does.
There is probably some rescue mode; definately some indignation at her treatment from her parents.
Btw, she wants to to be Special Ed (autistic I think) so that last sentance is very helpful.
She has at least 2 years of community college before she needs to start worrying about paying for further education. Get through that before you start worrying about other stuff. If she does well in school she can apply for loans, scholarships, internships for credits, get a job, etc.
Without her parents' info she won't be getting any federal loans. It doesn't matter if she pays for everything on her own; she will still be considered a dependent. In some states you are still considered a "dependent" for purposes of federal college aid until you are 24. I had a friend in college who tried desperately to separate herself from her parents but was unable to do so until that age.
You and I are in the same situation, both taking children into our homes who were discarded by their parents. I read what you write about her parents, and it's like reading about TK's parents. (TK is a nickname I use for the internet that stands for "The Kid".)
When he broke his hand, they wouldn't even provide the health insurance information. We found the information via calling the parent's employer to find out which company and then calling the health insurance company to get the policy number. He has been to the ER, the orthopedic surgeon, had surgery and soon will start physical therapy that will last the entire summer. He had a job, but he can no longer work until his hand has recovered, at which time his employer will put him back on the schedule.
After he was living here for a few weeks, I learned that he came here with only 3 pair of underwear to his name. OMGoodness. I took him right out to the store to pick out underwear, socks, etc. I'm covering his co-pays for his doctor's appointments. My husband insists that we provide necessities: food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and whatever we can do to help him with his education. I won't give him an allowance, but I do pay for special occassions---like the school picnic at the amusement park, etc. Overall, I've discovered that it's not too expensive to have a new person in our household.
We're not prepared for the education issues yet. I've been on top of trying to figure out his college funding since day one but he is having a hard time deciding if he wants to attend college, trade school or whatever. Look into JobCorps. If she's not qualifying for grants based on her parents' income, she needs to initiate some type of action that can provide proof that her relationship with her parents is severed. Also, there is special government funding available for students who are pursuing education degrees. Definitely do some research to find those.
I wish you the best of luck. If you ever want to talk to me, just send me a DM.
I had a friend in college who tried desperately to separate herself from her parents but was unable to do so until that age.
There are ways, like filing for a PFA. She could also take them to court demanding they devulge the financial information for the grand applications. Basically, she just needs to provide solid proof that her relationship with her parents is severely strained. Almost any type of court documents she can produce will enable her grant application to be evaluated as financially independent of her parents.
TK follows our house rules very well. But we had to discipline him once. He's a give him an inch, he'll take a mile sort of kid.
Since he has never had any freedom, we felt our rules should provide a structured way for him to learn independence slowly. We started with curfew of 11pm on weekdays and midnight on weekends. He was allowed to sleep over someone elses house once a week---any day he chose. All I required was that he let us know where he was and who he was with. He didn't need to ask permission.
After a month, I added a second night per week he could sleep over elsewhere. Two weekends in a row, he didn't notify me that he would be sleeping over. Even though he stayed within the range of days allotted, this was a problem because it broke our rule of letting us know what he was doing and who he was with.
The first time was the night he broke his hand. He had told me earlier in the evening where he was going, but he failed to tell me he decided to sleep over. I let it slide that first time because he had told me where he was going earlier in the evening.
But the very next weekend it happened again. It was 1am and I had no idea where he was or what he was doing. He didn't answer my call. So hubby and I decided that we needed to discipline him so he would understand that our rules were important. Instead of "grounding" him, we simply reverted back to the original rules---one night per week sleeping over. He was upset. But he also respected that we didn't completely ground him.
After a few weeks of not giving us trouble, I gave him back the second night per week.
Last week, without any warning, I increased his curfew to midnight on weekdays and 1am on weekends since he's now done with school.
We have found that it works best to give him rewards by increasing his privileges as time goes by. Since he lived in a house where he was a virtual prisoner for the past few years, he has never experienced getting rewards for good behavior. He has also never experienced freedom, which makes it hard for him to make smart decisions. Structure with curfews help him think about the decisions he is making.
Eventually, by the end of the summer, my goal is to lift all curfew and sleep over restrictions. Certain household rules will always remain, such as do not come to my house drunk because I don't live with drunks! Do not steal or you will be in the street within mere seconds. But basic freedom to come and go whenever he wishes is something I intend to allow him to have within the next few months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad
There is probably some rescue mode; definately some indignation at her treatment from her parents.
I recommend focusing on providing the basics and eliminating the allowance. She needs to start working to learn how to manage money and cover certain expenses on her own. She doesn't need spending money. It's super sweet that you are giving it to her, but I think it will prevent her from learning how to take care of herself.
TK understands what we will and will not pay for. This is an important boundary that you need to establish with her. It's for her own good. You don't want her thinking that she can get through live with people rescuing her without putting forth any effort on her own towards becoming financially responsible for herself.
We might not do this for our own children. But the reality is that these aren't our children. We took them into our homes to help them become independent, not to become dependent on us. Every decision should be made with that goal in mind IMO.
Wow - she's 18 so she should be able to live as an adult - and if she doesn't go to school then her parents can't claim her as a dependent, if she does go even if someone else is supporting her and paying her way, they get to claim her as a dependent?
I think Saddad should talk to the parents. Lay down the law and give them two options but don't tell them he is planning to pay for anything. If they don't pitch in or at least turn over their financial information, then tell them she's not going to be able to go to college and they lose her as a dependent at that point and of course if they were to claim her, they could be reported to the IRS for fraud.
Or they give her information so she can apply for loans or agree to emancipate her. And talking to a lawyer wouldn't hurt.
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