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I go back and forth on the issue of having kids. Some days I think it would great and that I'll regret it if I never have them. Other days I think about the sacrifices required, the costs, the risks, the work, and feel like I'm not cut out to be a parent. Unlike a marriage which you can end if it doesn't work out, kids are a lifetime commitment. And if you have them with the wrong person, it's even worse. But when I explain this to others, I'm often told that it's selfish to not want kids. So for those of you who don't have kids and don't want them, what are your reasons and what kind of reactions have you gotten from others, particularly family? If you're someone who just doesn't like kids, leave it at that. No need to turn this into a kid-bashing thread. I'd actually prefer to hear from people who like kids, but for whatever reasons, decided that it was best not to have them. Do you catch yourself changing your mind a lot? Was it a sudden realization or just something you gradually arrived at?
I have kids so I can't really comment on your questions...but I will say that making the decision NOT to have kids because you don't think you could personally handle/afford/raise them is the most selfless act I could imagine.
Those that tell you that you are being selfish really have a lot of growing up to do if they don't realize this fact.
I don't want kids. I knew at an early age I didn't. I'm not interested in the responsibilities whether its my time sacrified, money, having to kill someone who hurts my child, etc. I love my freedom way to much.
I've never really had anyone bad mouth me for it. Just ask me why I didn't and then I say the reasons and then they understand.
But when I explain this to others, I'm often told that it's selfish to not want kids.
The only time it is selfish not to want to have kids is when your spouse wants kids really bad and you are denying them the opportunity.
I don't like kids but am going to have them because my husband really wants kids. I would want to have kids with him because I know he will make a great father. If I weren't with him or if my financial situation was uncertain I would definitely NOT have them.
In my 20s I could not conceive of having kids with any other person because I didn't think anyone I knew had all the qualities that I would want to pass on to the next generation. Nobody judged me for that but I didn't advertise it either. Now that I met somebody whose genes I would gladly propagate, it has changed my view.
I just think validation is the wrong word. They want to know they are not alone. That there are others out there like them that exist. I don't think that's a bad thing in any area of life.
I’ve never had a strong maternal instinct, but I used to have a vague idea of having a child. It didn’t happen mostly because of various wrong turns in my life at first (I’ve never tried). Then, after living here for a while (when it was already too late for changes), I realized I did not want to raise a child in this country, meaning there was no way in hell I’d raise a stranger and somebody I’d like to strangle (think some of the very young posters here…). There’s a lot more to say on this particular topic, but I’ll leave it at that as it doesn't really concern you since you're not in this situation.
I can’t say the thought ever occupied my mind too much. Before my last marriage I was still a bit undecided on the issue – could’ve swung either way depending on whom I met. Finding the right guy and being married mattered to me a lot more. His view of having more kids wasn’t a top priority. It so happened that a kid wasn’t in the cards this time, either. Come to think of it, I probably wanted it this way subconsciously… It would’ve been too scary for me to do it considering my previous experiences. I wouldn’t have a child unless I was in a rock-solid marriage. Single parenting doesn’t appeal to me one bit.
Frankly, I’m not sure I’d make a good parent… I’m very loving, but this very trait might’ve been suffocating. I probably wouldn’t have let them do a damn thing likely to hurt them… I also like big doses of solitude and quietness. Listening to kids asking for the umpteenth time “why this” and “why that” and yapping non-stop drives me nuts. Of course, everybody says you feel differently if they’re your own and it may very well be true.
I can’t say I have deep regrets or anything… My life would’ve been definitely different, but it’s hard to say whether it was going to be better or worse. If I ended up being a single parent, it would’ve been very difficult. I can’t even imagine how those parents do it… I love babies, but not that many children older than that as patience is not my strong suit. Of course, I would’ve likely changed in a different direction, too… It’s just not something you’d ever know for sure. You make some choices and you live with the consequences of them.
I've always dreamed of having my own loving family after getting married, darling little ones included Of course, I also respect the views of ppl who elect not to have children, and would never criticize someone who felt that way. And if for whatever reason I was married to a beloved wife who was not able to conceive or have children, then I would still obviously remain loving and faithful, to her only.
Idk why exactly since I know I'm supposed to be "a guy", lol, but I've kinda always dreamed of being a loving and caring father, at some point in the future
Idk why exactly since I know I'm supposed to be "a guy", lol, but I've kinda always dreamed of being a loving and caring father, at some point in the future
Nothing wrong with that. Were you raised in a close family?
I want many kids, at least 4 and a huge family.
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Of course, I also respect the views of ppl who elect not to have children, and would never criticize someone who felt that way. And if for whatever reason I was married to a beloved wife who was not able to conceive or have children, then I would still obviously remain loving and faithful, to her only. 
