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Old 08-14-2007, 02:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles Wallace View Post
Maybe he has no way of controlling himself. Could you ask him to identify how he feels just before the tantrum? Could you help him to identify trigger situations which tend to set off a tantrum? When they're just about to happen, could you teach him how to calm down? (Sit on your lap, rock gently, take a bath -- whatever works.)
You once again have alot of good thoughts/ideas. From what I can see things that normally would upset any child at his age does upset him too he reacts different. Like multipy by 20 the normal bad reaction. Like when you tell a child they are getting a time out they might not like it or they may cry or argue but he screams and throws a tantrum very loud obnoxious ones too.

When my 5th child was born and I would lay him on the floor to change his diaper sometimes Jake would walk by and purposely try to kick him in the head. I know jealously most likey.

Anyway. When dinner is in the oven or I am in the middle of bathing the 2 yr old or homework with older girls or what ever I can not just drop or burn or let other child drown in tub to rock Jake

I often thought if he was an only child maybe we would not have this problem at all.

You are right there must be some way to get through this with out the naughty stick or me or him loosing our minds.
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Old 08-15-2007, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
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With 5 kids you cannot always drop what you are doing and rock him. That just isn't always possible. If sending him to time out / his room until he calms down and doing it CONSISTANTLY is working so far, then stick with it! He will catch on eventually when he realizes that you are not going to give in and he's sick of sitting in his room.

I read that "1-2-3 time out" book (anyone know the actual name?) and it was helpful. It stated that if he destroyed or messed his room during his time out, he needs to pick it up before he can come out. I don't know how much time you have to read, but the book is really great and worked within a week of implimenting with my kids. I was never a big one on loading myself up with too many different books with different ideas, but this book was really worth reading and trying.
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Old 08-15-2007, 09:51 AM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 1,029,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26 View Post
I read that "1-2-3 time out" book (anyone know the actual name?) and it was helpful.
That's 1-2-3 Magic. The book has been around for quite a while. I found it to be "OK", especially in theory. But I found the tips we got in a parenting class for adhd kids to be better. Or maybe it was just taught better, as we did role playing in the classes so we could really customize the class to the schticks of our actual kids.
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Old 08-15-2007, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
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Yes, 1-2-3 Magic. It worked very well for me when my kids were about 2 & 4 or 3 & 5 years old. BEFORE my daughter was diagnosed with ADD. She doesn't have the Hyper-activity, but cannot seem to pay attention well or sometimes will be looking right at you, listening to you, but 2 minutes later forget what she was supposed to be doing. Among other things.

Going to pre-school helped a lot when she was younger. A lot of times kids will listen and behave better for someone besides MOM. They also notice, even at a young age, how the other kids behave. What is acceptable and not. Sometimes being in the school atmosphere alone will help a lot. At that age, it isn't every day, it's only for a few hours, and most kids LOVE the structure and activities that they do at school. They get to paint, use glue, do crafts, run around a gym and play games. We don't do these things everyday at home so it is EXCITING to them! You may want to re-think holding off on sending him to pre-school. It may be wonderful for him! A great change of pace that will also give you a little time a few days a week! If it doesn't work out, you can always pull him out and wait until the next session begins. For some kids pre-school is exactly what they needed! I have seen it with a few boys that sounded a lot like your son. Their Moms were shocked at how much preschool helped.
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Old 08-15-2007, 08:18 PM
 
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ADHD kids can't control themselves. They are impulsive. Have you tried giving him some coffee, like a cafe latte from Starbucks or something? Caffeine is a stimulant just like Ritalin and calms kids down who have ADHD. If the coffee makes him more hyper than it's not ADHD. This is not a scientific study just something to look at and consider.
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Old 08-16-2007, 05:39 AM
 
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Default explosive children

Quote:
Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas View Post
The book The Explosive Child is helpful also.
Is he in preschool? If not I would put him in preschool 5x a week and see how it goes. If he already attends, how is he doing there?
1st - to the OP - what you describe with your child is exactly the description given in the above book of "explosive children" which I definitely recommend. People that don't have explosive children will never understand the difficulty and issues raising one, and parents with them will immediately upon reading realize that indeed there are others out there.

The prevalence of explosive children is small enough in our population that the vast majority of parents and child psychiatrists don't have a clue and may be quick to assign other labels and related medications to them. What is extremely important to note with these children is that timeouts do not generally work, spanking does not generally work, leaving alone in a room during tantrums does not generally work (at least as well for other children), and indeed there appear to be sound logical reasons why. The most eye opening reasons for the above is that these children don't generally remember their explosion episodes and while having them it is said that their IQ drops an equivalent 30 or so points so that a child who starts out as average or above average intelligence, once they begin having their tantrum lose most of their ability to think rationally.

2nd - to FarNorthDallas - your advice about putting the explosive child in preschool is right on the money for what my wife and I have recently experienced. We may be lucky to have an explosive child who happens to act better when not around mommy and daddy, but for sure since attending preschool part-time the tantrums have decreased considerably at home (and we've heard of no issues at all from the teachers - if we had we would have pulled out because this type of child is one which I suspect that shaken-baby syndrome is most common with). The tantrums have not gone away completely, but what used to be 4-7 times a day at home is now down to a much more manageable perhaps 1 and sometimes up to 3 daily. I also would say that it has increased the quality of life for the rest of the family. For anyone in a similar situation I would explore this option even if you wouldn't choose it for the non-explosive children in your family.

There are so many difficult parts to raising an explosive child it is difficult for me to highlight the toughest. My wife and myself are such loving and caring parents both of us gifted with patience and wanting to see only the best for our children. Quite frankly our youngest, the explosive child, has managed to affect us in ways we never thought possible (we've yelled, cried, even been brought to the brink of no longer even caring). It has truly strained our marriage, affected her sibling, and caused my wife and I to question our abilities as parents.

I used to believe that in the nature vs nurture debates that nurture played a more important role in raising a good well-adjusted child, but as it turns out with explosive children all bets seem off and nature seems to run the show until you can teach your child (or help them teach themselves) to deal with even the smalled levels of frustration. From birth we could tell something was different, we thought that colic was the issue. Indeed since we're way passed any stage for which colic exists, this appears to be a mental issue not a physical one. I certainly don't have all the answers on this one but I do want to share with you that if you have an explosive child, you are not alone and it is not your fault.

Good luck with everything.

Last edited by belovenow; 08-16-2007 at 06:42 AM..
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Old 08-16-2007, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Princeton-area, New Jersey
113 posts, read 740,334 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbuszu View Post
2nd - to FarNorthDallas - your advice about putting the explosive child in preschool is right on the money for what my wife and I have recently experienced. We may be lucky to have an explosive child who happens to act better when not around mommy and daddy, but for sure since attending preschool part-time the tantrums have decreased considerably at home...
Wow. The more people comment, the more I learn. My daughter is exactly this way, she behaves better when not around me or my husband. Her worst tantrums are with me, her mom! From the time she was 3 months old, she would hold her breath in the middle of crying-- turning red, blue, purple-- and would not stop unless it was me to calm her. This continued until she turned 2.

Interestingly, when she visits her grandparents, they tell me what a wonderfully behaved and cooperative child she is! But as soon as I get home, it starts all over. It makes me look like a bad parent, but now I see it happens to others. Also, what you said about their rationality dropping during explosions-- that is surely an eye-opener.

My daughter is attending pre-K next month. I am less worried about leaving her there now-- thanks for assuring that this is a feasible solution.
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Old 08-16-2007, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
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My kids are perfect angels when they are with my parents! Then I show up and my Mom said "Wow, she wasn't like that at all until you got here." It makes me feel terrible, but she's testing me not my mom! I try not to feel bad about it. After all, it is my mom. She'll love us both no matter what, and she doesn't judge.
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Old 08-16-2007, 01:30 PM
 
Location: New England
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That's not uncommon for kids who terrorize at home to act much better when they're with someone else. Not only happens that way... but if one parent stays at home and the other one works or travels a lot... the kids may tend to be much better for the absentee parent than the stay-at-home parent. All this changes and over time.... think of the rule about reversion to the mean.... once he got into first grade, we found our boy was no longer behaving as well as he did in preschool. His behavior had reverted to being mean!
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Old 08-18-2007, 01:08 PM
 
158 posts, read 832,199 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas View Post
ADHD kids can't control themselves. They are impulsive. Have you tried giving him some coffee, like a cafe latte from Starbucks or something? Caffeine is a stimulant just like Ritalin and calms kids down who have ADHD. If the coffee makes him more hyper than it's not ADHD. This is not a scientific study just something to look at and consider.
I was thinking about caffeine. Its just that he is not this tantrum throwing kid all day. Just on and off some times once a day and sometime 3 to 6 times. So if I tried caffeine then when and how much should he have?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mbuszu View Post
1st - to the OP - what you describe with your child is exactly the description given in the above book of "explosive children" which I definitely recommend. People that don't have explosive children will never understand the difficulty and issues raising one, and parents with them will immediately upon reading realize that indeed there are others out there.

Good luck with everything.
Thank you and I will look into maybe getting that book. It sounds like he could possibly be an "explosive child."
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