Parents and their sense of entitlement towards their adult kids. (legal, son)
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Commendable, as I do not have the capacity to do such. Honestly.....
But love and obligations are closely tied. Perhaps you feel obligated because they took care of you when you were younger?
I still love my parents to death but there are somethings I refuse to comprise for their sake. More so when better decision making could have curtailed their needs for certain dependencies.
In all seriousness, I salute you for having the patience I will never be able to express.
You keep mentioning compromises.....what exactly have your parents asked you to do that you will not do?
For me personally, I will go to the ends of the earth to do whatever I have to do for my parents as long as I can physically and financially do it. I really don't have an issue with it. They provided for me when I was young, gave advice and helped shape me into the person I am today.
Growing up I didn't always like their rules but I'm an adult and live my my rules now which might not be 100% to their liking. I am OK with that. I only had to live in their house 18 years and looking back at it...it wasn't that bad..I at least got an allowance, Christmas presents, new toys, time with mom and dad, vacations and whatnot.
I would like to know more about what your folks have asked you to do that you refused if that is not too personal.
Parents and their sense of entitlement towards their adult kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moddestmike
Perhaps I struck a nerve. I don't seem to recall any personal attacks towards anyone in my post yet I wasn't "raised" right?
As I stated earlier, being ungrateful and spoiled are the furthest from the truth but considering this is the web, I'd assume most are taking my statements with a grain of salt (I would do the same).
I surround myself with like minded peers and colleagues, while not everyone at the firm I practice express my views, many respect it and we are extremely close.
I stated my opinion only because of what you said about yourself. It came across that you don't respect your parents and you think they had you just so you could take care of them when they get older. I would be a sad world we live in if everyone thought like you do. It takes people who are not selfish to raise children and give them a good start in life. If you are an attorney, someone gave you a half way decent start in life when they got you through high school. I don't think they are obligated to send you to college, however. I can't believe anyone would stoup to charging family members for advice or minor services.
You keep mentioning compromises.....what exactly have your parents asked you to do that you will not do?
For me personally, I will go to the ends of the earth to do whatever I have to do for my parents as long as I can physically and financially do it. I really don't have an issue with it. They provided for me when I was young, gave advice and helped shape me into the person I am today.
Growing up I didn't always like their rules but I'm an adult and live my my rules now which might not be 100% to their liking. I am OK with that. I only had to live in their house 18 years and looking back at it...it wasn't that bad..I at least got an allowance, Christmas presents, new toys, time with mom and dad, vacations and whatnot.
I would like to know more about what your folks have asked you to do that you refused if that is not too personal.
Sure.
My parents own a small restaurant. A venture they decided to pursue against my advise upon their retirement. Cool....whatever.....well business flourished for they first few years and has recently taken a precipitous decline. This was foreseen by me and my evaluation of the area (albeit a few months off). Well now they need a loan considering they blew their retirement and I will not co-sign (200k loan). I also refuse to sink any of my own money into this failed business. Now, perhaps I could have been a bit more diplomatic in declining them instead of the "I told you so speech" but when you solicit my advice and then decline to use it thats what you get.
The making appearances at family events issue is unrelated. I just chose not to go home every time there is a birth or holiday simply because at most times its inconvenient to drive/fly 400 miles just to sit and smile amongst people I lack commonalities with.
Not to mention, I've always been that reliable son. Asking any of my three older brothers is out of the question for whatever reason.
I stated my opinion only because of what you said about yourself. It came across that you don't respect your parents and you think they had you just so you could take care of them when they get older. I would be a sad world we live in if everyone thought like you do. It takes people who are not selfish to raise children and give them a good start in life. If you are an attorney, someone gave you a half way decent start in life when they got you through high school. I don't think they are obligated to send you to college, however. I can't believe anyone would stoup to charging family members for advice or minor services.
To each its own but i respect your view. My point is that favors shouldn't be assume or expected but appreciated IF given.
My parents own a small restaurant. A venture they decided to pursue against my advise upon their retirement. Cool....whatever.....well business flourished for they first few years and has recently taken a precipitous decline. This was foreseen by me and my evaluation of the area (albeit a few months off). Well now they need a loan considering they blew their retirement and I will not co-sign (200k loan). I also refuse to sink any of my own money into this failed business. Now, perhaps I could have been a bit more diplomatic in declining them instead of the "I told you so speech" but when you solicit my advice and then decline to use it thats what you get.
The making appearances at family events issue is unrelated. I just chose not to go home every time there is a birth or holiday simply because at most times its inconvenient to drive/fly 400 miles just to sit and smile amongst people I lack commonalities with.
Not to mention, I've always been that reliable son. Asking any of my three older brothers is out of the question for whatever reason.
OK, this changes my perception of what you are trying to say.....
I would not co-sign a $200K loan with my parents simply because it's an extra expense I do not need. I already have a mortgage and adding something like that would probably make my debt ratio astronomical.
You mentioned something that struck me....in my family, I am the only girl, I live in California and the rest of my family lives in Tennessee. I have two brothers....one in college to be a minister and the other one, he has "issues" managing his money. I do not come to the rescue although I can at times because after repeated intervention from my parents, there is nothing I can do at this time. My brother is almost 40....married...with kids! LadyKLO is trying to do her thing! It is not my responsibility to do everything....last year he had a freak medical incident and I did the right thing and helped out and that was it.
I too do not go home for everything because I'm often busy, it costs too much, etc..I pick and choose when I will go and my family understands that.
I really think we are talking about 2 different things not necessarily parents entitlement.
Clarify these "reliable" claims, please, so I can get a better picture. You live far away, don't visit unless it suits you, and charge your relatives for advice or services, so there must be something else that makes you feel you are reliable.
Shouldn't this thread be in the Parenting forum???
But to answer the OPs question, I haven't seen the "entitlement" attitude in parents with adult children except in cases of the parents making their adult kids feel compelled to give them grandchildren.
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Parents and their sense of entitlement towards their adult kids.
It is not my responsibility to do everything....last year he had a freak medical incident and I did the right thing and helped out and that was it. 
