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Did you see my question about why you consider yourself a reliable person? That may help to paint a better picture of yourself. You've mentioned a few times that you say whatever you like, which comes off as obnoxious in a way. It would help to understand why you believe you are a contributing member to the family.
Did you see my question about why you consider yourself a reliable person? That may help to paint a better picture of yourself. You've mentioned a few times that you say whatever you like, which comes off as obnoxious in a way. It would help to understand why you believe you are a contributing member to the family.
My apologies, I did indeed overlook your question.
My phone number is the primary contact for anyone in my immediate or extended family for advice. Before, finishing law school I was employed in the IT sector as network engineer. People hear IT, and assume that anything computer related goes to me. Regardless of what time it is or if I'm even available. If I decline, I get a call from my parents asking on that persons behalf. Same goes with financial advice, same goes with legal advice. "Physical labor? Need something hauled? Call Mike, he has a truck he rarely drives and was pretty good at helping me build my fence for my restaurant"-My Dad....
My three older brothers are not readily available nor do they take the time to learn things on their own. My parents had absolutely no influence on my knowledge of IT nor have they been an integral part of my legal studies. It just amazes me at how little effort people are willing to put in. If you don't know something, research it instead of asking someone for help every single time.
I guess my point and question is, why do so many parents choose to make servicing their needs obligatory to their kids? I understand that on may occasions these "standards" are to help raise a socially acceptable offspring but ultimately I get the feeling parents want kids so that they can be cared for by said kids once they reach an age where caring for themselves is not possible.
Agree? Disagree? Discuss.
I think the OP would have stimulated a better discussion if it was worded differently. Saying "Why do so many parents..." rather than.... "Anyone else have parents that...." immediately puts people on the defensive and they go into "I'd never do that" mode even though in real life they may be the mirror image of what you are pointing out in your post.
I'm sure to many readers here, you sound self absorbed and selfish but I think the folks who are writing you off as arrogant or whatever just can't imagine being that way to family while you can't imagine not being that way. I am guessing your experiences have contributed to who you are today just as others' experiences formed their views and opinions. If the experiences are polar opposites of one another, it will be very difficult to relate to or understand the other side.
Where your posts went wrong, to me anyway, is that you sound like you are trying to win an argument that should have no winners. People parent differently. Some parents are toxic, some are well meaning but meddling, some feel entitled, some have kids who grow up and live three doors down and get along fabulously for life while others flee across the country and only see family on holidays or not at all.
Someone with a close family or who is willing to jump when family calls is never going to relate to your posts just as you won't relate to theirs. No harm, no foul.
To the OP - I believe that once you have children, you should be allowed to raise them and allow them to eat whatever they want, whenever they want without interference from your brother. And that should go for them too - butt out.
My parents own a small restaurant. A venture they decided to pursue against my advise upon their retirement. Cool....whatever.....well business flourished for they first few years and has recently taken a precipitous decline. This was foreseen by me and my evaluation of the area (albeit a few months off). Well now they need a loan considering they blew their retirement and I will not co-sign (200k loan). I also refuse to sink any of my own money into this failed business. Now, perhaps I could have been a bit more diplomatic in declining them instead of the "I told you so speech" but when you solicit my advice and then decline to use it thats what you get.
The making appearances at family events issue is unrelated. I just chose not to go home every time there is a birth or holiday simply because at most times its inconvenient to drive/fly 400 miles just to sit and smile amongst people I lack commonalities with.
Not to mention, I've always been that reliable son. Asking any of my three older brothers is out of the question for whatever reason.
At first I thought you were just a jerk (sorry) but I don't think being respectful includes co-signing a $200k loan for a business that failed or traveling 400 miles for a routine family event. Being respectful to your parents to me means being kind and polite and doing what you can, when you can. But you should not jeopardize your own well-being and there's certainly no need to throw good money after bad. If you're a gazillionnaire, it might be different. But I can't imagine that a 27-year-old has enough of a financial cushion to put himself on the line for a $200k loan.
The same goes for giving advice or building fences--if you can do it without too much trouble on your part, great. But if it's taking up all your free time that doesn't seem fair.
Also, I'd allow a kid to eat Raisin Bran for dinner, unless that was all he ever ate and I was worried about nutrition. But unless you suspect some sort of abuse is going on, you probably should have butted out of that one. Parenting is hard enough without Uncle Mike undermining the parents at every turn.
I find it odd that parents often feel as though their children are obligated to listen to them, do for them, and "respect" them (even under the most ridiculous circumstances) all based on the simple fact that THEY chose to have a child. As a child, yes......well sort of. Reason for my skepticism is because no child asks to be born, parents ("adults") take it upon themselves to procreate, thus subjecting their offspring to years of indentured services if you will (a bit extreme, I know). Children have no rights or opinions according to their guardians. Now I understand that at the age of adolescence, heck....even young adulthood; that we do not fully comprehend how the world works.
First incident: My nephew, eleven years old; had been called down by his parents to join for dinner. Arriving as instructed, he simply said "I'm still sorta full from lunch, I think I'll just eat some cereal". The cereal being Rasin Brain folks, the kid loves it. Upon hearing this, his parents are worked up into such a frenzy and go on this rant about how they provide for him, how he's their son and will obey them, how he's suppose to somehow be thankful that they wanted to have him.....utterly ridiculous statements in my honest opinion. He, not having much choice, sat and stuff his poor little belly until I finally stood up to say something.
On numerous occasions I'm accused of being selfish, ungrateful and just a devil. All because I choose not to let my parents guilt me into doing favors. If its not beneficial to me or not convenient for me, I will refuse to do so. Selfish? Many might assume, but my point is that self fulfillment is paramount to leading a happy lifestyle. I rarely show up to family events because they are too far. Family members frequently call me for technical advice\assistance\services, I charge them as I would if I were consulting.
I guess my point and question is, why do so many parents choose to make servicing their needs obligatory to their kids? I understand that on may occasions these "standards" are to help raise a socially acceptable offspring but ultimately I get the feeling parents want kids so that they can be cared for by said kids once they reach an age where caring for themselves is not possible.
Agree? Disagree? Discuss.
I've had parents tell me the reason they had kids was so they would have someone to take care of them when they got old.
Bottom line is kids don't owe their parents anything and any parent who may think otherwise is selfish & self centered. The child didn't come to the door asking to be taken in and cared for. The dad knocked up the mom and hence a child was born.
FTR, my parents have never imposed this selfish philosophy on me.
I've had parents tell me the reason they had kids was so they would have someone to take care of them when they got old.
.
My sister and her husband. The REALLY stupid thing is she was 38 and he was 50 by the time they had their kids (triplets!). So I told them, "so, you expect to have your kids do for you at the same time they're getting into or graduating college/establishing careers/establishing their own families?"
There was a pause... then, "you don't have kids, you don't know what you're talking about."
and I couldn't resist... "obviously, since you don't yet have kids, you don't know either."
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