Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have 2 boys, 5 and 7 years old. I have things pretty well under control with the 7 yo, but the 5 yo has developed such an attitude lately! The reward and consequences system we're using seems to work for the 7yo but not the 5yo. He needs something different, bigger, more immediate... something.
This may be my last summer as a SAHM, and I have a lot of fun outings planned for them. I was really looking forward to a fun summer for the 3 of us. So my question is this - is it ok to leave one child out of a fun outing? Short of doing this, how do I punish one kid and not the other (ie cancel the fun all together)? I have taken TV away, and I can do that to one and not the other, but I need something else. Thanks.
Is his attitude the main problem? Is he talking back to you. Being smart?
What punishments have you used that aren't working? There must be some way you can get his attention that he has to fly right without cancelling the trips. More info?
Is his attitude the main problem? Is he talking back to you. Being smart?
What punishments have you used that aren't working? There must be some way you can get his attention that he has to fly right without cancelling the trips. More info?
He talks back. When I send him to time out he hits the walls and the floor as hard as he can. He looks right at me and does what I just told him not to do. The boys are both supposed to be earning coins for doing chores, and basically behaving, and doing what they're told. They are supposed to use that money for fun this summer. DS7 has $3+, at the moment, and DS5 has about $.65. All along I've been telling him he won't get to go if he doesn't have the money, but it isn't working. Maybe if I follow through on one outing now, he'll get the message.
I have sat at McDonalds and Chuck e Cheese with one child having fun, and one child sitting with me not having fun. It was really hard to do, but the end result was worthwhile.
Yes, I think a warning shot now is a good idea, with one child being left out of the fun. Ideally, he'd be left at home but of course he's too young to be left alone! Are there grandparents or a neighbour that could look after him for an afternoon, and be trusted to not make it fun?
Otherwise, do what Zimbochick is describing. You could also make the outings more fun for the "good" son, such as he is allowed on rides but the younger one isn't, or he gets icecream or allowed to buy something at the gift shop and the younger one isn't, or he has to stay with you sitting on the beach towel while the other one gets to splash at the splash park.
He talks back. When I send him to time out he hits the walls and the floor as hard as he can. He looks right at me and does what I just told him not to do. The boys are both supposed to be earning coins for doing chores, and basically behaving, and doing what they're told. They are supposed to use that money for fun this summer. DS7 has $3+, at the moment, and DS5 has about $.65. All along I've been telling him he won't get to go if he doesn't have the money, but it isn't working. Maybe if I follow through on one outing now, he'll get the message.
I had a thing about hitting the walls and floors. (I've been in too many houses with holes punched into the walls.) I also wasn't keen on any talking back. Talking back got them put into a time out. ANY punching, hitting, throwing got the timeout doubled. If they escalated, I escalated.
Since he knows he's earning money towards his trip I'd take him along the first time and let him spend his 65 cents. After that he's parking his buns on a bench. (He'll make a face and whine.) And while he's whining I'd be explaining to him he caused all this himself. (Then he'll really whine because he knows he's wrong.)
After the 65 cents is spent and you are ready for the next trip if he hasn't "earned" more money, or if he's just acting up to spite you, I'd leave him at home. Or park him on the bench again. More simple explanations on why his sibling is having a great time and he isn't. He'll learn.
Sorry you're going through this. But now's the time to nip it in the bud. (Lucky you.)
He talks back. When I send him to time out he hits the walls and the floor as hard as he can. He looks right at me and does what I just told him not to do. The boys are both supposed to be earning coins for doing chores, and basically behaving, and doing what they're told. They are supposed to use that money for fun this summer. DS7 has $3+, at the moment, and DS5 has about $.65. All along I've been telling him he won't get to go if he doesn't have the money, but it isn't working. Maybe if I follow through on one outing now, he'll get the message.
Whatever you do, if you told the child that they cannot do X unless they do Y and they don't do Y you have to stick to it and not let them do X.
If the idea is to teach him a lesson by not allowing him to have fun, if you leave the house with one child to go to miniature golf or something and leave the punished child at home, they are not seeing what they are missing and it won't have as much of an effect.
If you take both kids to Chuck E. Cheese and make the punished child sit with you and eat pizza while his brother plays a few games then he will see the punishment and hopefully not want a repeat of that.
I have 2 boys, 5 and 7 years old. I have things pretty well under control with the 7 yo, but the 5 yo has developed such an attitude lately! The reward and consequences system we're using seems to work for the 7yo but not the 5yo. He needs something different, bigger, more immediate... something.
This may be my last summer as a SAHM, and I have a lot of fun outings planned for them. I was really looking forward to a fun summer for the 3 of us. So my question is this - is it ok to leave one child out of a fun outing? Short of doing this, how do I punish one kid and not the other (ie cancel the fun all together)? I have taken TV away, and I can do that to one and not the other, but I need something else. Thanks.
I suggest finding something that will reward his good behavior more rather than trying to punish the bad behavior.
1. Keep your composure when he is mouthing off.
2. Don't negotiate, compromise or bargain. Turn a deaf ear to his sassiness. Leave the room if you must without any talking after the very first time you tell him what is needed. "We'll talk when you are ready to speak nicely." Then completely ignore him until he is ready to talk nicely. This is hard to do because he *will* escalate at first, but if you do this consistently, the behavior will be extinguished.
3. Make sure that he has some control over his life and activities. Pay attention when he is being nice. If he feels overcontrolled, he is probably rebelling through his back talk. Give him choices about things whenever you can do so. "Do you want to play with the legos or the playdough?" "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?" "Do you want to open the door or have me open it for you?"
4. Be playful. Give him his wish in *fantasy.* "Let's pretend we have ice cream" "Let's make the park in our playroom?" and then make an obstacle course he can play on. If he calls you a name, say *oh, no, don't tell everyone my secret name* and then make up a silly name for yourself.
5. Acknowledge feelings. "Wow, you are really mad. Can you tell me in a different way?" Maybe he needs to draw a picture of why he is so angry. Maybe he can learn a different way of handling his anger, like listening to a favorite calming song.
6. Use timers for time outs so that it takes *you* out of the picture. Or have him come out when he is *ready* so that he has control of calming down.
7. Focus on solutions rather than punishments. If you can find out what is behind the attitude, you can address those reasons instead of trying to deal with the symptoms.
Leave the room if you must without any talking after the very first time you tell him what is needed.
Nana, I like reading your posts because your views on child rearing and mine are so often very different. (I suspect because you are day-care oriented?)
So! A question: Why sould the PARENT leave the room if it is the child that is misbehaving? Why should Mom or Dad disrupt what they are doing because Junior is mouthing off?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
