Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hey everybody I was in a relationship for about a year with a really sweet girl and we both had a great time together. The only problem was that I didnt agree with the way she would deal with her child. She had an 8 year old boy. I understand that a kid will be a kid and mouth off and do kid stuff sometimes but there were things that this kid would do and I personally saw no consequences to make him behave and not do those things over and over.
Well me and this girl just broke it off because neither one of us would budge with our beliefs. She said that it was not my place to say how she raises her son. She also said i wasnt around enough to have any say in how things happen with her and her son. Well I understood that but my side of it was that when i was growing up i wasnt allowed to talk back to an adult or keep doing something an adult told me to stop doing without a punishment....I told her that If there was to be any kind of future between us that she had to give in a little bit and at least respect the rules that i had when they were both around me..Kind of like when you have a friend that smokes but you dont....well i just didnt want this kid to be able to talk back in a disrespectfull way to his mother or me when we are all together..
Who do you think is wrong in this situation? Are both parties Right about some things they expected in the relationship? What is your opinion should we have broke up or should one of the parties done something else to make things work?
Thank You
Last edited by THASPECIAL; 08-08-2007 at 05:26 AM..
You are well out of that relationship. If a child that young is allowed to be disrespectful, imagine how he'll be when he's older. How the kid is raised IS up to the mother, not to you, so that would have been a losing deal for you.
Location: Ohio, but moving to El Paso, TX August/September
434 posts, read 1,653,500 times
Reputation: 310
Just my opinion, but I think parents really have to be on the same page with how kids are raised for things to work successfully. Since you eventually would have been this person's step-parent, you would need to be on the same page as the mother. If you weren't on the same page, the relationship would never work because parenting styles would always be an issue.
There can be differences in how to do things (for example, you both need to agree that there is some sort of punishment for back talk..one of you may make the kid sit in his room, the other one may make the kid miss an activity, but bottom line both of you agree in non-physical punishment and consequences for misbehavior).
Who do you think is wrong in this situation? Are both parties Right about some things they expected in the relationship? What is your opinion should we have broke up or should one of the parties done something else to make things work?
Even though you really liked this lady, your relationship or even future marriage would have been in trouble if you are so distant on your parenting philosophies. For one thing, her son is old enough to know that you aren't his bio dad so if you chose to discipline him and she didn't support you, what would have happened? Who would have had the ultimate say? Would he have respected you if she always backed him up? How much worse would his behavior be in the teen years? Frankly, you are probably better off finding a mate who shares your parenting style, especially if you will become a stepparent.
Thank you everybody for your feedback on this...I was just making sure i make the right decisions......If anyone else has experienced this please let me know the story and what happened if you want.....i just want to see how others deal with a situation like this.....Thank You so much
I am lucky. My husband and I have 2 kids each from prior marriages. We agree on what is acceptable and what is not. Sometimes we don't agree 100% on the punishment, but we usually aren't that far off.
There is NO WAY our relationship would have worked otherwise. Kids are always here and pushing the limits daily. It would have driven you crazy that he wasn't punished and you would have eventually lost respect for her that she chose to allow him to act that way.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
