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Old 07-04-2011, 06:46 PM
 
1,090 posts, read 3,163,896 times
Reputation: 735

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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckynumber4 View Post
LOL! I was just about to say...How do you think she got a license

Anyways on a lighter note Happy Independence Day everybody!!! time to watch some fireworks...
LOL. Happy 4th! I would give you a lot more reps if I could, but I'm forced to wait. lol

 
Old 07-04-2011, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,897,793 times
Reputation: 2410
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry View Post
*sigh* I've finished my nursing degree and my nursing license. I decided to transfer my credits and complete a Bachelor's in Economics.

I don't think that a degree is the only way to go. I do know people without one that went way further in life than most everyone I know, but they are not as common. I guess I was just wondering how these people could be working at 7-11 and Pizza Hut and purposely trying to get pregnant or having kids, then consistently turning around to ask me why I'm not married or why I don't have kids. I didn't grow up in the ghetto/hood where this is expected--and yes, it is expected. My Mom came from the ghetto/hood and I've spent time in them and I've always seen this mentality coming from uneducated and ignorant people. I'm not saying that to be mean. I think I agree with the post of entitlement. Maybe that is why it's happening so much.

And yes---it IS sad when someone could have done something with their life but they put themselves in a position where they were stuck with all the babies they had. HOWEVER--let me mention that there are also REAL go-getters that have 1-3 babies and they are such hardworkers and hustlers--with tons of energy--that it didn't hold them back. THey weren't looking for their pregnancy as a ticket to sit around at home. I respect that women like that. They like to stay at home and let themselves go and gossip about what's on TV and what is happening in the neighborhood. That's their choice. There are some SAHMs that are totally the opposite and there are some really awesome working/career Mom's out there, but I don't agree with people acting like I'M the one that's not normal for actually trying to educate myself and go further in life when I'm only 26 (actually 25 going on 26--but whatever).

You guys can beat the degree thing with a stick if you want. I completed my nursing program and earned my nursing license and now I want more. I decided this at 24 (midway) and I'm continuing my education. I'll also be graduating with this Bachelor's when I'm 26. I'm working full-time, saving, and helping my guy complete his education at NYU because he has helped me. We support each other and don't get it twisted--we would like kids--we just don't want to purposefully put ourselves in a position where we know that we don't feel financially ready.

Also--to note. A lot of girls I knew were also in college and talking about how they were going to be lawyers, etc. A large majority of them quit halfway and had babies (planned pregnancies) and stayed home. I've just always thought it was like taking the easy way out. Again--if it makes them happy OK. I don't hate SAHMs, but I do get sick to death of people bothering me about getting married and popping out babies like all of us women are supposed to be baby factories. I'm not attracted to the SAHM lifestyle. Maybe one day I will be, but definitely not now.

If anything, I wonder if people are actually jealous of me because they push the whole baby and marriage thing so much and look at me funny when I say "No, I want to complete my education and at least have a down payment for a house..etc." I practically feel like they are pressuring me to be a f*** up like they were.

Let the riot continue lol.
I do totally understand what you're saying about people badgering you about your choices because they chose something different and you feeling irritated and somewhat disgusted that you have to keep defending yourself, especially while you are trying your best to get ahead. I really do. I don't like when anyone pushes their view of how things "should be" on other people.

Some of my earlier posts were very much in reaction to the tone of your OP - the post I just quoted above has a different tone and makes a lot more sense to me, even though there are pieces I disagree with. IMO, 26 isn't old and certainly isn't late to be thinking about having kids later on, but that's just where I come from. Honestly, I'd develop some snappy retorts for people pressuring you - they might not stop, but at least you can amuse yourself.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,401,981 times
Reputation: 41122
To the OP: you have their dreams just like other's have theirs. Yours are not any more valid. Sorry. And sorry you don't understand that. Good for you for sticking to a plan for what YOU want out of life. Nothing in the world wrong with that. But understand that not everyone has the same goal. That's ok too. Differences are what makes the world go round.

Interestingly enough, I have a SIL and BIL who married young, had kids yound, no degrees...They are now in their early 50's. Raised 2 kids, finished their degrees, are currently grandparents and very successful. Still happily married too. It worked for them. I'd suggest you spend more time thinking about your own life and less time thinking about theirs.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:09 PM
 
1,090 posts, read 3,163,896 times
Reputation: 735
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
I do totally understand what you're saying about people badgering you about your choices because they chose something different and you feeling irritated and somewhat disgusted that you have to keep defending yourself, especially while you are trying your best to get ahead. I really do. I don't like when anyone pushes their view of how things "should be" on other people.

Some of my earlier posts were very much in reaction to the tone of your OP - the post I just quoted above has a different tone and makes a lot more sense to me, even though there are pieces I disagree with. IMO, 26 isn't old and certainly isn't late to be thinking about having kids later on, but that's just where I come from. Honestly, I'd develop some snappy retorts for people pressuring you - they might not stop, but at least you can amuse yourself.

I think that's what I need help with lol.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:09 PM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,681,323 times
Reputation: 6776
My comments were also primarily in response to the tone of earlier posts. It came across as conceited.

I'm still surprised that there are upper-middle-class communities in the United States where it is expected that women don't go to college and have children right away. I've worked in a variety of locations (including southern CA, where the OP was from), and have never seen that as the norm. Is it perhaps a sub-community? Because in general, wealthier people also tend to be more educated, and also realize how important it is that their kids also obtain an education.

I guess the easy solution would be to just make some new friends (doesn't mean you have to abandon the old ones, just branch out) and develop a thicker skin. At that age I had people sometimes ask me when/if we were going to have kids, but (unless I just misread it), they were just curious. I also didn't know anyone in college or grad school who dropped out to have kids, although I did have one friend in college who had a baby immediately after graduation, and a couple of people in grad school had babies during the program (if you time it right, it can actually work out very well!). I guess I'm just having a tough time envisioning how someone can spend so many years in school, come from an upper-middle-class neighborhood, and feel like the odd one out for being 26 and not having kids. Obviously it varies by location, but with that background it seems like the women not going to college (or dropping out) and having children young would be the unusual one.

And, for what it's worth, never think that being a SAHM is easy or a ticket to the easy life. Some uninformed women may seek it out with that illusion, but they'll quickly learn the errors of the way.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:09 PM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,804,031 times
Reputation: 1947
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry View Post
Yes. I walked in off the street and just bought my nursing license. No degree needed. Forgot that's how it works.


Maybe some of you DO need to go back to college. Wow. I'm not one to tell people they MUST go to college, but I don't think it would hurt a few of you. Scary.
Funny...you can have a CNA or an LPN and not a Bachelors, just a license.

You were the one who didn't specify...and I have a Masters.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:11 PM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,681,323 times
Reputation: 6776
Quote:
Originally Posted by BingCherry View Post
I think that's what I need help with lol.
Why not just take the high road and say "I'm just concentrating on finishing up my degree first, and will worry about [marriage/kids/whatever] when I'm done with that." Repeat as needed.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:14 PM
 
1,090 posts, read 3,163,896 times
Reputation: 735
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
To the OP: you have their dreams just like other's have theirs. Yours are not any more valid. Sorry. And sorry you don't understand that. Good for you for sticking to a plan for what YOU want out of life. Nothing in the world wrong with that. But understand that not everyone has the same goal. That's ok too. Differences are what makes the world go round.

Interestingly enough, I have a SIL and BIL who married young, had kids yound, no degrees...They are now in their early 50's. Raised 2 kids, finished their degrees, are currently grandparents and very successful. Still happily married too. It worked for them. I'd suggest you spend more time thinking about your own life and less time thinking about theirs.
Ok, without these two parts your post would have gotten across just fine, but now I can't help but to notice that everyone getting snippy just so happens to have "MOM" or "MOMMY" in their username lol.

If anything, I do understand that some people don't wish to go to college or have a career. They are ok with renting an apartment for the rest of their lives and living paycheck to paycheck,etc. They may not ever want to travel (like I do) and they may not have interest in a home. I think it's great that they are so laid back about life and would almost like to wish that I was THAT relaxed. I just could never do that, but I realize we all have different personalities. For the last time, it's about people not understanding that it's ok for a 25 year old woman to have no immediate plans to get married or reproduce.

I'm not the one asking them "So why did you get married so young, start having babies, never finish college or have a career?" Why? I'm not really concerned. I just felt like, it is what it is, although I do think, for the most part, it sucks because most of my peers really aren't financially stable or progressive in their careers, but again--it does not hurt me.

The questions here are "So, why aren't you married and why don't you have babies yet?" Uhm, who's worried about whose life again? lol

Just sayin'.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:16 PM
 
1,090 posts, read 3,163,896 times
Reputation: 735
Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
Why not just take the high road and say "I'm just concentrating on finishing up my degree first, and will worry about [marriage/kids/whatever] when I'm done with that." Repeat as needed.

Yes, I've done it a million times. I have gotten some of the most ridiculous faces and sneers. I swear, it really must just be my luck. Perhaps it's just isolated incidents.

Sometimes, I even get really blank faces from women when I tell them that (and I've practically said it ver batum to what you typed). It's actually amazing, which is why I posted this thread.

Anyway, nice to see peoples views on this.
 
Old 07-04-2011, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,401,981 times
Reputation: 41122
Quote:
If anything, I do understand that some people don't wish to go to college or have a career. They are ok with renting an apartment for the rest of their lives and living paycheck to paycheck, etc. They may not ever want to travel (like I do) and they may not have interest in a home
And without these kinds of comments that sound as if everyone who chooses a different lifepath than you simply is happy with "less" is somehow "less" than you....your posts would sound ok....and yet....

signed maciesmom

Macie is my dog btw and both my husband and I have degrees and careers.

ETA - didn't have my first child until I was 28. I had a degree and a job and a house. That worked for me. Doesn't make everyone else's choice "lesser" than mine.

Last edited by maciesmom; 07-04-2011 at 07:43 PM..
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