Being a stay-at-home mother (New York, daycare, attorneys, SAHM)
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True, there is a benefit if you are an upper class educated SAHM and a negative if you are an uneducated SAHM. However, I have to question as to how many upper class SAHM's are on this board arguing this. I don't get the impression the moms taking the stance that SAH is better for THEM fit the group that research sees a gain in. Seriously, without reason to believe you are, somehow, different from everyone else, it's foolish to think that averages don't apply to you.
That's quite a ballsy statement, seeing as you know nothing about any of the posters here. You have no idea of our SES, education, backgrounds, none at all. Very few posters are willingly going to reveal a vast amount of very personal information on a public message board, so this "impression" of yours is entirely worthless.
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I am not arguing against individual choice. I'm arguing for it. The fact it makes no difference means each family chooses what they like. It's just not better to choose one over the other once you negate the financial impact. Finances aside, which you do is pretty much irrlevent. The advantage seen for the dd's of WM's may only be statisically significant for all we know. I've never seen any study put a magnitude on this. We just know it's a measureable difference. The fact this difference exists doesn't mean WOH is better. It means if you SAH, you might want to take measures to help your dd's see themselves as more capable....make sure what you model isn't the primary model for your dd's. It's easy enough to find a female doctor and dentist and lawyer and expose your dd's to successful women in position to be models for them.
Wow, the utter arrogance of this statement is mindblowing.
The studies posted actually said upper and middle class educated parents. Not just upper class educated parents.
And what's defined as upper class parents anyway?
The same thing about averages could be said to you too. There are several studies that state that working parents can have negative results too.
Nope. Sorry, it's upper class and upper middle class so we're talking highly educated mom who has a dh with a six figure income. For middle class the financial impact is far greater.
It means if you SAH, you might want to take measures to help your dd's see themselves as more capable....make sure what you model isn't the primary model for your dd's. It's easy enough to find a female doctor and dentist and lawyer and expose your dd's to successful women in position to be models for them.
OH you mean like a female marathoner who happens to be a GWOT vet. Well, luckily I don't have to go very far to find a strong primary role model for my daughter-- I'm right here.
Nope. Sorry, it's upper class and upper middle class so we're talking highly educated mom who has a dh with a six figure income. For middle class the financial impact is far greater.
Furthermore-- six-figure income does not necessarily mean upper class. In many parts of the nation, including NYC, Washington DC, Hawaii, some parts of Florida, Minneapolis, Chicago, a 6-figure income is squarely in the middle class.
That's quite a ballsy statement, seeing as you know nothing about any of the posters here. You have no idea of our SES, education, backgrounds, none at all. Very few posters are willingly going to reveal a vast amount of very personal information on a public message board, so this "impression" of yours is entirely worthless.
Wow, the utter arrogance of this statement is mindblowing.
I'm not talking about any of the posters here as individuals. I'm talking about the results of collective research.
And no, it's not arrogant. If research shows that kids in another group have an adantage over your kids and you want that advantage for your kids, you do something about it. Either jump groups or, logically, look at why that difference might exist. If having a WM imparts a self esteem boost and allows girls to see themselves as more capable, why wouldn't exposing them to successful women if you're not a WM? The example given by SAHM's does not appear to give this benefit. So find another way if you want this benefit. There's nothing arrogant about this. Either decide you don't care about that benefit or do something about it.
A study done years ago found a measureable difference in vocabulary between the children of WM's and SAHM's. (Later it was shown to only be statistically significant and nothing to concern ourselves over). So, I started reading more to my kids.
I was a SAH Mom for many years and now only work part time last child is 16. Everyone has the right to choose and I respect that. However what use to drive me nuts was when other women would say "Oh you are so lucky to be able to stay home I can't afford it." Yet these very people drove nice cars, went on yearly vacations and lived in much bigger houses than ours. Nothing wrong with having those things just don't act like you could never afford to stay at home for financial reasons. I know there are many situations where Moms have to work just to provide the basics so don't slam me for that. I'm talking about families who could survive on one income.
If having a WM imparts a self esteem boost and allows girls to see themselves as more capable, why wouldn't exposing them to successful women if you're not a WM? The example given by SAHM's does not appear to give this benefit. So find another way if you want this benefit. There's nothing arrogant about this. Either decide you don't care about that benefit or do something about it.
Your arrogantly assuming that stay at home parents are not successful women, and that's just down right insulting. WORKING DOES NOT EQUAL SUCCESS. There are plenty of women out there who are stay at home moms, who are successful in other ways. One of my dearest friend is a SAHM, she is also a Ironman Triathlete-- who competed on the world stage. Another local woman is a SAHM, she runs the Autism Society of America chapter in Northwest Florida. She raises MILLIONS of dollars annually hosting an Autism Gala, with big name celebrities, last year she booked Tiger Woods. Mrs. Kennedy (Robert's wife) started the Special Olympics, she didn't work out of the home.
It doesn't take an education or a job to make a difference in the world or to be a role model to children.
Seriously, without reason to believe you are, somehow, different from everyone else, it's foolish to think that averages don't apply to you.
It's really silly of you to think that you have some way to know whether someone else's financial situation is average or not. It is also completely ridiculous for your to write off high income people as if they simply do not exist.
Roughly 6% of households in the US have an income in excess of $150K. Since there are around 113 million households in the US there are approximately 7 million families that earn over $150K. Why is it so difficult for you to imagine that some of the members of those 7 million households might be on this board?
If research shows that kids in another group have an adantage over your kids and you want that advantage for your kids, you do something about it. Either jump groups or, logically, look at why that difference might exist. If having a WM imparts a self esteem boost and allows girls to see themselves as more capable, why wouldn't exposing them to successful women if you're not a WM? The example given by SAHM's does not appear to give this benefit. So find another way if you want this benefit. There's nothing arrogant about this. Either decide you don't care about that benefit or do something about it.
There's nothing about being the child with a mother who stays at home that equates her with a shut-in yokel. Kids have teachers, doctors, dentists, neighbors, scout leaders, coaches, and so on. They are exposed to female fire fighters, police officers, construction workers, soldiers, attorneys, politicians, and other professions. I think you are picturing some backwoods collective where the girls wear dresses down to their ankles and are afraid of the outside world.
There are all sorts of ways to be a positive role model for one's daughter, as a woman, mother, and wife. If a group of daughters is more likely to become stay-at-home moms, I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. It doesn't follow that the daughter has poor self-esteem or thinks of herself as incapable or "lesser than." Some women are wonderfully maternal and domestic, and I believe those traits should be nurtured and celebrated, not discarded as antiquated or unnecessary. Socioeconomic status or education levels are not the only measure of success.
Quote:
A study done years ago found a measureable difference in vocabulary between the children of WM's and SAHM's. (Later it was shown to only be statistically significant and nothing to concern ourselves over). So, I started reading more to my kids.
Kids who read develop better vocabularies. I don't think that's a mystery.
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The fact it makes no difference means each family chooses what they like. It's just not better to choose one over the other once you negate the financial impact. Finances aside, which you do is pretty much irrlevent. The advantage seen for the dd's of WM's may only be statisically significant for all we know. I've never seen any study put a magnitude on this. We just know it's a measureable difference. The fact this difference exists doesn't mean WOH is better. It means if you SAH, you might want to take measures to help your dd's see themselves as more capable....make sure what you model isn't the primary model for your dd's. It's easy enough to find a female doctor and dentist and lawyer and expose your dd's to successful women in position to be models for them.
