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So now if we stay at home we are hovering parents, with over-involved children. Really?
One thing I learned about throughout life is that if you have to brag about how much better you are, then you really aren't that great.
- My SIL brags about how she has never had to spank or discipline her children like I discipline mine, yet her son was sent to a juvenile facility at 10 for trying to kill her with a butcher knife.
- My aunt always brags about what a good Catholic she is, she was a former nun. She also stole thousands of dollars in jewelry, and is dying alone, because she is an unhappy person.
- A friend of mine bragged that he was the poop when it came to being in the Air Force, and he was going to fly F-16s. He washed out of pilot training.
- The dog kennel I used to send my dogs to, bragged on great she controlled her dogs and how well trained they were. My dog nearly died, because she beat him with a shovel.
Extreme cases I know, but I have found in my years, that if you braggers tend exaggerate their claims, and they normally brag to over-compensate for something they are lacking...
I'm not a perfect parent, never pretend to be. I go by my gut. Somedays, like today, I'm doing the bare minimum to get by (my husband is gone, I have had the last three weeks from hell).
I too had a "free range" type of childhood. I was set free every morning with my only rule being to return when the street lights came on. My friends and I ruled the neighborhood! No parent in sight to keep us down...in reality, we weren't quite as stealth as we perceived ourselves to be.
Why? When I was roaming the neighborhood with my friends, we were always within sight or sound of SOMEONE'S mom. My mom didn't need to hover or worry about my safety because she knew that while I was out of her sight, I was within sight or sound of her cadre of auxillary moms. Fell and scrapped your knee? Whoever's mom was around cleaned it up and gave you a Band-Aid? Lunch time? Whoever's yard you were in, their mom would appear with sandwiches and Kool-Aid. Did something wrong? You got sent home by someone's mom and by the time you got there, your mom knew all about it.
Parenting, back in the day, was a TEAM effort. In my neighborhood, the majority of moms SAH and participated in "keeping an eye" on all us free rangers. Parents didn't have to hover because SOME parent always was on the job!
I think we grew up in the same neighborhood. lol
My DD6 is growing up in a neighborhood like that too. Why? Because I put myself out there and got to know my neighbors. Now, my neighborhood is very similar to the one I grew up in even though I am living in a much poorer neighborhood than I grew up in. I was shocked when I first came to C-D and saw what people were writing about my area because they only saw a brief glimpse of the area as they were driving through. They don't know about the neighbors who look out for each other and their kids.
Most of the kids I know (including family members who live in other areas of my state and even out of state) live the same kind of life. I really don't see this big overprotective bubble that some people insist is everywhere. In my life, the overprotected kids are the exception not the rule.
I too had a "free range" type of childhood. I was set free every morning with my only rule being to return when the street lights came on. My friends and I ruled the neighborhood! No parent in sight to keep us down...in reality, we weren't quite as stealth as we perceived ourselves to be.
Why? When I was roaming the neighborhood with my friends, we were always within sight or sound of SOMEONE'S mom. My mom didn't need to hover or worry about my safety because she knew that while I was out of her sight, I was within sight or sound of her cadre of auxillary moms. Fell and scrapped your knee? Whoever's mom was around cleaned it up and gave you a Band-Aid? Lunch time? Whoever's yard you were in, their mom would appear with sandwiches and Kool-Aid. Did something wrong? You got sent home by someone's mom and by the time you got there, your mom knew all about it.
Parenting, back in the day, was a TEAM effort. In my neighborhood, the majority of moms SAH and participated in "keeping an eye" on all us free rangers. Parents didn't have to hover because SOME parent always was on the job!
Exactly. If it was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, out of the house we went. Not because my mother didn't want to hover, but because it was easier to get the housework done without a gaggle of kids who were bored. But roaming unsupervised? No. All the kids were sent out and were riding bikes, roller skating, etc., but there was always some Mom with her head out the window checking on us. And If any kid was getting out of line, there was an unspoken rule for all of them to reprimand whoever was getting out of line. No one wandered off the block because someone was always watching.
Now, when we became teens, different story. Teens with nothing to do but roam the streets are inevitably going to be getting in some sort of trouble.
Well, I will agree with you here but I don't know how to change it. Yes, here in the 'burbs' our kids start playing soccer at 4, t-ball at the same age . . . so a child is behind by the time they start high school if they have not participated in organized sports. By middle school - they have been encouraged to narrow down to one sport to 'specialize' in.
I think they start waaay too young; but we all do it ~ because that's what everyone else is doing. There is no one to play with on the street because they are all out in their dance lessons; flag football; boy scouts; whatever.
This is not a SAHM vs working mom thing though - we are ALL doing it; at least where I live.
BTW, I've lived in two 'swimming states' where swimming is highly competitive AND cool (if you're good). My son is a good swimmer - but didn't start until about middle school and he will NEVER catch up to those super swimmers who started when they were 4. He just won't. He's made peace with it. He can still win at most high school competitions.
Though it may not be cool at your daughter's school - I knew right away that I wanted my son to hang with the swimming kids at our school. The vast majority of them are on the honor roll; they don't get into trouble ~ they just don't have time!
Oh, and swimming Moms work as a 'team effort' too. We all helped each other get our kids back and forth; feed them dinner if practice ran late; it was a great, if competitive, group of Moms.
Jojo, quit trying to wage war where none has been declared. Have I said one thing about this being an issue exclusive to SAHP's??? I've made it clear that this is an issue for parents in general these days. I don't get why and I think we're harming our kids here. Parenting has never been about how much time you can spend with your kids. It's not about time. Making it about time has resulted in us spending too much time with our kids. Time better spent, for them, with other kids.
Exactly. If it was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, out of the house we went. Not because my mother didn't want to hover, but because it was easier to get the housework done without a gaggle of kids who were bored. But roaming unsupervised? No. All the kids were sent out and were riding bikes, roller skating, etc., but there was always some Mom with her head out the window checking on us. And If any kid was getting out of line, there was an unspoken rule for all of them to reprimand whoever was getting out of line. No one wandered off the block because someone was always watching.
Now, when we became teens, different story. Teens with nothing to do but roam the streets are inevitably going to be getting in some sort of trouble.
Why do we insist on doing the little bit of housework that is left to us with kids under foot? Where's the value added.
I can't say moms were sticking their heads out the window, when I was a kid. They didn't need to. There's enough coming and going in a neighborhood that you don't need to. There's always some neighbor out around here. Either sitting on a porch reading the paper, going for a walk or just working in their yards. Even if kids are 4 blocks away, things get back to parents. The last time I needed to talk to a parent about a child's behavior, the child lived five blocks away.
It's Saturday afternoon, have you sent your kids out to play yet??? I remember being kicked out of the house. I always hated it but then, 15 minutes later, I found something interesting to do whether it was biking, skateboarding or trying to build a cannon out of tin cans and duct tape....
Jojo, quit trying to wage war where none has been declared. Have I said one thing about this being an issue exclusive to SAHP's??? I've made it clear that this is an issue for parents in general these days. I don't get why and I think we're harming our kids here. Parenting has never been about how much time you can spend with your kids. It's not about time. Making it about time has resulted in us spending too much time with our kids. Time better spent, for them, with other kids.
I'm not waging a war. But you are generalizing a lot of people and changing your stances more than I change my underwear.
A happy medium yields the best results IMHO. I don't believe in letting children free range, but I do believe in letting them "do their own thing." I give my kids just enough rope to barely hang themselves. Too much of a good thing is always bad.
You're free to debate this. If you think it's dribble, post your reasons. I never said I have proof here. I've been very clear this is speculation. If you don't agree, debate the topic. Explain why you think I'm wrong.
Again, I don't think that most of the posters on this forum are here for a debate==we do not feel the overriding need to win. We are here to discuss and in discussing our own experiences are relevant, as well as our honest "Not Mes".
Isn't there a board somewhere for debating?? Were you on the debate team in highschool?? My son was and we all enjoyed it very much--but we did not bring debating into family discussions.
Have I said one thing about this being an issue exclusive to SAHP's??? I've made it clear that this is an issue for parents in general these days. I don't get why and I think we're harming our kids here. Parenting has never been about how much time you can spend with your kids. It's not about time. Making it about time has resulted in us spending too much time with our kids. Time better spent, for them, with other kids.
If you are not talking about stay-at-home parents, please move that debate to a new thread. This thread is about stay-at-home moms or parents. A general question about whether parents spend too much time with their kids would be a new topic, thanks.
Again, I don't think that most of the posters on this forum are here for a debate==we do not feel the overriding need to win. We are here to discuss and in discussing our own experiences are relevant, as well as our honest "Not Mes".
Isn't there a board somewhere for debating?? Were you on the debate team in highschool?? My son was and we all enjoyed it very much--but we did not bring debating into family discussions.
yep
and a few more for good measure.
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Jojo, quit trying to wage war where none has been declared. Have I said one thing about this being an issue exclusive to SAHP's??? I've made it clear that this is an issue for parents in general these days. I don't get why and I think we're harming our kids here. Parenting has never been about how much time you can spend with your kids. It's not about time. Making it about time has resulted in us spending too much time with our kids. Time better spent, for them, with other kids.
Debate???
