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I agree economic background is a factor worth mentioning. It wouldn't be surprising if the OP and her friends came from non-college educated parents. The very reason the OP doesn't understand it is because these friends came from a more educated background than they are setting them selves up for by not going to college, and marrying people who didn't go to college.
I'm not attempting to be boastful at all. My parents worked hard to put us in that kind of neighborhood because they wanted better for us. They'd honestly freak out if I had kids and got married right out of high school and I can understand why. I'm trying to give you an example of my background. Heck, I've fell on my butt and lived in the ghetto along the way. I'm not too good. Trust me.
Yes, I bet I will eat my words. I have a puppy, now, and I'm a SUCKER with her..and I'd typically describe myself as a hardball kind of woman. This puppy is so spoiled it's ridiculous lol...but then again, she doesn't talk back or throw tantrums.
Same here. If I had to drop out of college or not go to college at all because I got pregnant my parents would BEAT.MY.ASS. (I'm not kidding) I find it a little strange when one of my friends gets pregnant and they seem so happy about it as they put up photos of sonograms on FB and give pregnancy updates via their statuses. I can't help but think I'd be a little embarrassed if that happened to me right now, I sure as hell wouldn't go around bragging about it.
Like I said, I don't think it's a bad thing but I find it interesting because I don't come from a place where having children when barely out of school is acceptable. (and yes, I'm from an upper middle class family, I don't mind pulling that card)
You are completely normal and you are being responsible. I worry about those who don't have an education and pop out babies when they are so young. Sure, it's "normal" to have kids at that age as well but one would hope they would have some kind of savings or education because a job at Rite-Aid isn't paying the bills let alone a household with 2 or 3 kids.
You keep doing what you are doing. You're doing it the right way, the way that makes you feel comfortable.
You know what is also normal? Those of us who don't want to have kids. I'm older than you and I get a lot of strange looks, like there's something wrong with me because I do not have kids and do not want to have kids.
I'm far too selfish with my time, no it will not change if I were to have "one of my own", too much to do, too much to see, I feel no need to participate in the mommy world and you'll certainly never find me stuffing a baby in the trunk of my car because I want to go party.
I think you're being very responsible and I applaud you for it. Oh and you won't be too tired in your 30s. I know it sounds "old" but you're still very young at 30.
Haha, funny username considering you never want kids. Now I definitely feel for you, because until you hit at least 45 people are going to be badgering you about wanting kids. I've come to understand that some women just do not have that maternal instinct/clock and have no regrets about not having children. I've met a few women. Some wanted them, but it didn't work out for them and others are truly happy and say they have no regrets because they always knew they didn't want them.
I know 30 isn't old, but I'm imagining how old I'll be when my kid is in their teen years and I've seen lots of parents wait until they are 34-40ish and they are just worn out when the kids hit their teens--they want to be back out having fun...like my parents, I guess haha.
My Mom had me YOUNG (at 21), but remarried. She didn't complete college, but has worked her way up to a nice, financial position and remarried my Stepdad who is an architect. My real Dad has his MBA.
My Mom grew up in the hood and she said her cousins were always popping out babies and all her friends had teenage pregnancies. She said she knew she didn't want that and wanted to wait to have me, but birth control wasn't strong enough for me--I guess LOL and I was born when she had just turned 21. She drilled into my head, from the age of like 10 onward, to finish college, then date, then get married and try to buy a house (if possible) and then have kids.
I am in complete agreement with Gator mama (2 posts before mine.) I was engaged when I was in college and then got serious cold feet and canceled the wedding. Instead of getting married, I joined Peace Corps, went and lived in West Africa, figured out what I wanted and what I didn't want and really grew up on my own. When I got back, I worked (for a salary) for Peace corps and traveled the world, then moved on my own and went to grad school in my 30s. I knew I wanted kids, but because of my job and lack of [appropriate] potential boyfriend/husband, it just didn't happen when I was in my more fertile years. I met my husband when I was 41. Though we tried very hard , pregnancy just wasn't happening. IVF didn't work either. So we adopted the two most wonderful children. So now I'm 53 and have a 7 and 9 year old. I am not the norm age-wise. My kids go to school with plenty of kids who have moms in their 20s and I could easily be their moms.
So do I regret how my life turned out? In the end, no. I am SO happy I had all the opportunities I had and was able to travel the world with my job and become a completely independent single woman. I am happy that when kids finally did come along, we are financially sound and don't have to worry about money at all (not that we spoil our kids, but they do get to experience far more in the way of travel than I ever did.) I wish I could have had one biological child, but that just did not happen for me. I love my kids completely and I realize, had I had bio kids, I would not have the kids I do have. I am an older mom - there are pluses and minuses to that. When other parents will have an empty nest, we'll still be dealing with our kids.
I didn't exactly plan my life so that I would be childless when I hit 40, but that is what happened and I am very much OK with that. I knew when I was 22 and engaged that I personally was not ready to be married and have kids. Some people might be ready. I was SO not ready. There is nothing wrong with your desire to remain childfree for now (or forever if that is what you choose later on!)
Same here. If I had to drop out of college or not go to college at all because I got pregnant my parents would BEAT.MY.ASS. (I'm not kidding) I find it a little strange when one of my friends gets pregnant and they seem so happy about it as they put up photos of sonograms on FB and give pregnancy updates via their statuses. I can't help but think I'd be a little embarrassed if that happened to me right now, I sure as hell wouldn't go around bragging about it.
Like I said, I don't think it's a bad thing but I find it interesting because I don't come from a place where having children when barely out of school is acceptable. (and yes, I'm from an upper middle class family, I don't mind pulling that card)
I guess we can relate! That's the same way I feel. I can't help that I feel this way, but instead of being terribly excited, the "Oh no, you're so young--that sucks" thought runs through my head. Of most of them who have had kids so far, they're generally complaining about being broke, etc. I just thought they were smarter than that and was beginning to wonder if maybe I was trying too hard to plan my life out by waiting to have kids.
Obviously this is a personal issue for YOU "Momma_bear". You can go right ahead and ask me why I'm still in school at the age of 26 (I'm 25 turning 26 if that even makes a difference lol). Answer: Because I earned my nursing license and wanted more options, so I'm completing my Bachelor's in a different area. Answer 2: College isn't cheap, in case you aren't aware of this. If you've ever actually taken a college class, you would know this and as a working adult I don't qualify for government freebies, etc. I have to work hard and pay for things out of my pocket.
I think ANYONE who is working deserves some credit. It doesn't matter to me if they're broke or not so long as they aren't abusing the welfare system. I'm just scratching my head and wondering why anyone would willingly put themselves in the situation. I realize SOME pregnancies are completely unintended, but not all of these. With people continually pressuring me to get married and have a baby, I was looking for some honest feedback.
You seem as though you have self esteem issues. This post is not reflective of how I feel, but reflective of how you feel about yourself. If you had kids young and didn't go to college or have a career, you should be happy with that decision. It doesn't sound like you are.
Just because I choose to post about something that does not make it a personal issue for me. It just means I have an opinion.
I am very happy with my life. I am also much older than you are and I am very much aware that there are many different ways to live life and nearly all of them are valid. There is not one true path to a happy life.
Your friends may be happy having kids at a young age. You may be happy having them later. Both are equally valid choices.
You may wind up living in a nice big house while they may wind up renting a small apartment. However, none of that means their kids won't have a nice childhood and that your kids will. And making money won't mean you are a good parent. Just that you are a wealthy one.
Just to set the record straight. I have two college degrees and a masters degree and I was almost 29 when my first child was born.
It's possible to be a single income family (even if military or a restaurant manager) with a SAHM. SAHMing can be a very economic way to go about raising a family-- no daycare expenses, half the travel costs to work, cooking is cheaper than takeout, etc.. I SAH and love it! I have no regrets at all. We are financially comfortable now but in the beginning we did have to accept a fairly depressed quality of life. We lived in a not so great neighborhood in a small, not so great house, but stuck it out, lived cheaply, and now we're in a beautiful home raising our children.
SAHMing isn't for everyone, there's no reason you "have" to. You shouldn't have much problem conceiving a child into your early-mid 30s so if you want to wait, go ahead! (And you may nothave trouble even after that point, but fertility declines rapidly after 35 and definitely after 40.)
But plenty of women love to stay at home and I don't see any shame in it, as long as your husband is happy with the decision and it's a mutual agreement.
Yea all those loser's that are in their 20s who have kids with their uneducated husbands that work at some random drugstores. They should all be more like you because you are the model-citizen!
Maybe they were not born in an upper- middle class family!
I know 30 isn't old, but I'm imagining how old I'll be when my kid is in their teen years and I've seen lots of parents wait until they are 34-40ish and they are just worn out when the kids hit their teens--they want to be back out having fun...like my parents, I guess haha.
My Mom grew up in the hood and she said her cousins were always popping out babies and all her friends had teenage pregnancies. She said she knew she didn't want that and wanted to wait to have me, but birth control wasn't strong enough for me--I guess LOL and I was born when she had just turned 21. She drilled into my head, from the age of like 10 onward, to finish college, then date, then get married and try to buy a house (if possible) and then have kids.
same here. 30 isn't old. I was 30 and 32 when mine were born. that seems average for where am am in a middle-upper-middle class suburb. Everyone one I know seems to have had kids between 25-35. My younger sister, hasn't been as fortunate. She tried for her first at about 31 and found out she had very low fertility. She had one via IUI, but has found out she might not be able to have another. She's about to try IVF. she's only 34. Whoever said there is no perfect time is right. There will always be something going on that is not ideal. Don't wait forever.
Judging from your name, I can see that you felt offended. Where in the world did I show disdain? To be frank, I was just starting to wonder if this is the norm around the country or just my friends. Why would I show disdain for people who have kids when they can hardly afford them? I show disdain for people who have kids and abuse the welfare system. I feel sorrow for people who have kids and can't afford them. I just felt like...is it a fad or something?
I don't think it was just Momma Bear that noticed. Your post IS full of disdain. I'm not personally offended by it; just an observation of what you wrote.
Just because you choose to wait - why does that make everyone else wrong? Those that want to 'pop out babies' that is.
Don't feel sorry for them - perhaps they feel sorry for you.
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