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4th of July is about more than fireworks (or maybe I just think so because I am studying for my citizenship test ). Yes, I could absolutely see not going to fireworks as a suitable punishment for something major- not a minor sibling squabble- esp. if it was related to the offence, such as playing with fireworks unsupervised.
I was reading some questions on yahoo answers.
I think it was fake but anyways, it was a punishment question, and part of the punishment was the two kids being grounded from watching the 4th of July fireworks.
Would you ever take a holiday away like the 4th of July?
What if it meant the whole family would have to stay home because someone would have to be with the kid to watch him/her and someone would have to take the other kids?
Just curious.
If my kids did something that was causing distress within the family I would definitely tell him that he could not go to the fireworks for July 4th. I am a firm believer in punishments being related to what the child did wrong. If the child is causing family problems then he doesn't get to be with the family.
I probably would not ground a kid from something like July 4th fireworks for a simple argument though. In our family being removed from family outings is saved for "death penalty" type offenses and just arguing with a sibling would not be enough to warrant such a severe punishment.
As far as an adult having to stay home with the offending party. Yeah-that's what happens when you are a parent. One of the big reasons that we don't ground kids from family events unless there is some sort of serious transgression is that it is also a punishment for the rest of the family. All of our kids enjoy our family outings and they want all of the family to be together.
Unfortunately, thanks to kids whose parents think it's okay to discharge illegal firework rockets in the *heavily wooded* back yard next door, I'm not able to enjoy any of the town fireworks nearby. My cat, for whatever reason, is not able to tolerate the sudden explosive sounds, and I'm too busy comforting her to be able to look out the window. Which is shut, to dull the noise. Somewhat.
I do believe in punishment but I would be unlikely to make a child miss out on an event that the family were going to attend. I know it is not politically correct but we use physical punishment. It is quick and then it is over. I know there is the danger of getting condemed here for taking this approach. Please also it is not an easy thing. I do not taking administering the punishment lightly. It is emotional. But in my view necessary.
Now one reason why I am not in favour of grounding type punishments is that in my view causes fall out decisons to be made. An easy example is if a kid is in a team and they are grounded. Do you send them to team practice in which case you are saying that team practice trumps the punishment or do you enforce the punishment in which case what does it say about loyalty to the team. In the case of a 4th july type holiday, one is then weighing up particpation in a family or civic activity vs the punishment. With corporal punishment those compromises do not arise.
There are times when a 'time out' is needed. Especially when a child is just way over tired.
I lalso have a concern with any long drawn out punishment. Kids do things on the spur of the moment. In my view, they need a quick punishment to remind them of two things. Firstly that they crossed the line and secondly that they are under the authority of their parent. Long punishments in my view breed frustration and are not metally healthy. Kids sit there sulking and mulling over why they are not allowed to do something or other. They end up focussing on the fact that they are in detention rather than on looking to the future.
I do believe in punishment but I would be unlikely to make a child miss out on an event that the family were going to attend. I know it is not politically correct but we use physical punishment. It is quick and then it is over. I know there is the danger of getting condemed here for taking this approach. Please also it is not an easy thing. I do not taking administering the punishment lightly. It is emotional. But in my view necessary.
Now one reason why I am not in favour of grounding type punishments is that in my view causes fall out decisons to be made. An easy example is if a kid is in a team and they are grounded. Do you send them to team practice in which case you are saying that team practice trumps the punishment or do you enforce the punishment in which case what does it say about loyalty to the team. In the case of a 4th july type holiday, one is then weighing up particpation in a family or civic activity vs the punishment. With corporal punishment those compromises do not arise.
There are times when a 'time out' is needed. Especially when a child is just way over tired.
I lalso have a concern with any long drawn out punishment. Kids do things on the spur of the moment. In my view, they need a quick punishment to remind them of two things. Firstly that they crossed the line and secondly that they are under the authority of their parent. Long punishments in my view breed frustration and are not metally healthy. Kids sit there sulking and mulling over why they are not allowed to do something or other. They end up focussing on the fact that they are in detention rather than on looking to the future.
That's not a good example. A team sport is a team sport. You go to practice unless you are sick. It is completely possible to ground them from specific things like the phone, going out with friends, etc. without bringing practice into it.
I do believe in punishment but I would be unlikely to make a child miss out on an event that the family were going to attend. I know it is not politically correct but we use physical punishment. It is quick and then it is over. I know there is the danger of getting condemed here for taking this approach. Please also it is not an easy thing. I do not taking administering the punishment lightly. It is emotional. But in my view necessary.
Now one reason why I am not in favour of grounding type punishments is that in my view causes fall out decisons to be made. An easy example is if a kid is in a team and they are grounded. Do you send them to team practice in which case you are saying that team practice trumps the punishment or do you enforce the punishment in which case what does it say about loyalty to the team. In the case of a 4th july type holiday, one is then weighing up particpation in a family or civic activity vs the punishment. With corporal punishment those compromises do not arise.
There are times when a 'time out' is needed. Especially when a child is just way over tired.
I lalso have a concern with any long drawn out punishment. Kids do things on the spur of the moment. In my view, they need a quick punishment to remind them of two things. Firstly that they crossed the line and secondly that they are under the authority of their parent. Long punishments in my view breed frustration and are not metally healthy. Kids sit there sulking and mulling over why they are not allowed to do something or other. They end up focussing on the fact that they are in detention rather than on looking to the future.
If you're going to do that then ground them from school and work as well then..
You don't ground from sports or work, those are prior commitments they have to go to, something that is "required" of them.
An easy example is if a kid is in a team and they are grounded. Do you send them to team practice in which case you are saying that team practice trumps the punishment or do you enforce the punishment in which case what does it say about loyalty to the team.
Responsibility to teammates is, IMO, a completely separate issue from grounding. You follow through on responsibilities to others-- and I have ways of making sure the rest of grounding makes its point.
I really hate grounding though because I have to be grounded, too, to administer it. I'm a big fan of hard labor these days, sometimes in combination with grounding if the offense warrants.
Why wouldn't I? If it was just a simple sibling squabble, then no but if Timmy keeps batting Johnny over the head and won't let up, Timmy can stay home.
What should I say? Oh it is okay Timmy, this is something that is so much fun so you can come even though you were acting wrong? Not in my world.
I think it would be a case-by-case basis. If taking away 4th of July fireworks would be an effective punishment, then fine. If taking away the cell phone is a better option then do that and don't skip the fireworks.
I would never ground a kid from a sport where their participation affected other people on a team, or from work. If a commitment is made, you should keep it.
Responsibility to teammates is, IMO, a completely separate issue from grounding. You follow through on responsibilities to others-- and I have ways of making sure the rest of grounding makes its point.
I really hate grounding though because I have to be grounded, too, to administer it. I'm a big fan of hard labor these days, sometimes in combination with grounding if the offense warrants.
I agree that one of the problems of grounding is that the parent ends up grounded too because they have to supervise. I personally do not go with the idea that you can ground a kid and then leave them at home un supervised. I would want them to somehow feel constrained of that makes sense. Not just having time out.
I agree that hard labour is a good thing.
The reason I mentioned responsibilities to team mates is because I feel that there is a conflict of objectives. In fact I have experienced it. There have been times when kids have not appeared for not only soccer practice but also for the actual game because the little darling was grounded. I am very strong on team loyalty. If you are in the team then you are in the team and you do everything in your power to make practice and the game.
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). Yes, I could absolutely see not going to fireworks as a suitable punishment for something major- not a minor sibling squabble- esp. if it was related to the offence, such as playing with fireworks unsupervised.
