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Had my brother's kids over to the house for a few days. My brother lives in another state and they don't come to visit that often, about 2-3 times a year. This is the third time that he allows his kids (ages 5 and 8) to engage in behavior that my husband does not think is appropriate. My opinion is that they are just kids and we need to be tolerant. Can someone tell me who is right?
My brother and sister in law, when they come visit, essentially "check out" and allow the kids to do the following in my house:
1. Run around the house over and over at high speeds and knocking things over and breaking things.
2. Opening and closing and slamming doors for no reason.
3. Banging and throwing things against the glass sliding door.
4. Otherwise touching things they should not be touching, playing with the faucets, smearing food on my furniture, etc.
My husband says: "If they behave like that at home, fine. But I was taught that when you are a guest at someone's house, you are supposed to be on your best behavior. And it's like they don't care what they do when they come visit. Which is not right."
My husband gets into a very bad mood when they behave this way, and this causes friction between me and him and my relatives.
I feel for you and probably,like your husband, could not take it either. It could be that since the parents are there w/them, the kids do not see themselves as "visitors" but as family. If my kids w/their cousins were doing any of the above, it would be time to get them outside and play out there. I think a good talk w/your brother is in order before the next visit so maybe they can work on some manners w/them. It sounds like rough waters ahead...good luck.
Thinking about this, I think that it is probably best to talk directly to the kids. Phrases like "In our house we do ....".
I think talking to the adults may set up family tensions.
We have friends and relatives who have different standards to us. But at our place, people tend to follow our rules. We have even had friends make comment that they would like to invite our kids over for a sleepover what video should they rent because they know we would not like anything that they have in house. So it does rub off. I think that we try hard to live our lives but not to impose or overtly criticise others. I blow off here rather than at my friends and relies.
Had my brother's kids over to the house for a few days. My brother lives in another state and they don't come to visit that often, about 2-3 times a year. This is the third time that he allows his kids (ages 5 and 8) to engage in behavior that my husband does not think is appropriate. My opinion is that they are just kids and we need to be tolerant. Can someone tell me who is right?
My brother and sister in law, when they come visit, essentially "check out" and allow the kids to do the following in my house:
1. Run around the house over and over at high speeds and knocking things over and breaking things.
2. Opening and closing and slamming doors for no reason.
3. Banging and throwing things against the glass sliding door.
4. Otherwise touching things they should not be touching, playing with the faucets, smearing food on my furniture, etc.
My husband says: "If they behave like that at home, fine. But I was taught that when you are a guest at someone's house, you are supposed to be on your best behavior. And it's like they don't care what they do when they come visit. Which is not right."
My husband gets into a very bad mood when they behave this way, and this causes friction between me and him and my relatives.
Your husband is right! If your brother and his wife want to allow their kids to destroy THEIR home, that's their prerogative. In your (and your husband's house), they should be taught to behave appropriately. It is not acceptable to behave that way in someone's house. It's probably just as irritating to your husband that he seems to be the only one who's trying to correct their behavior.
I know you want to see your family, but you have to LIVE with your husband. You need to back him up, not allow your brother to talk behind his back. You should have let him KNOW what's bothering your husband, by sharing that little list that you posted in your OP. If your brother really wants to come and visit you, he'll man up and teach his children how to behave properly. Perhaps you all could actually have a good visit for a change.
It galls me when people bring their children to my home and let them run wild, destroying things. I have absolutely no problem whatsoever, correcting people's children. It's MY house, my stuff, my right. If they don't like me correcting their children, they'll teach them how to behave appropriately, correct them themselves, or not bring them to my house...which is fine by me.
It galls me when people bring their children to my home and let them run wild, destroying things. I have absolutely no problem whatsoever, correcting people's children. It's MY house, my stuff, my right. If they don't like me correcting their children, they'll teach them how to behave appropriately, correct them themselves, or not bring them to my house...which is fine by me.
THIS is all one needs to do.
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