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Old 07-06-2011, 04:01 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,155 posts, read 7,352,842 times
Reputation: 3197

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Do you teach your children how to do both?
How do you act out in public?
Reason I ask this is because of something that happened tonight.
My mom lacks the ability to appropriately conduct herself in front of guests and out in public.

Like tonight she started yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs at me when I had some friends over tonight. It was not due to them, it was due to a whole different issue but I asked politely, calmly and quietly if we could discuss it in private or just in another room.

First it started out with her lecturing me about something that happened, I didn't want the conversation to be everyone's business and I asked her if we could step in the other room and she said no.
Then when I said if my request couldn't be respected then the conversation was over she got even more angry, I walked out of the house and she just kept flipping out.

When she does that to me in front of people I just want to crawl in a hole and die, my anxiety just makes me want to collapse from embarrassment.


But I thought about everything and that will be one of the things that I will teach my children one day, is how to conduct yourself out in public and in front of guests.
No yelling or fighting in public.
Don't make your business everyone else's.
If you want to confront someone about something then excuse yourself and that person from the group and talk to them privately.

I think yelling and screaming and acting belligerent in front of people is HIGHLY inappropriate and if you are going to reprimand someone for something, publicly scolding them is wrong.
I think it's just classless and rude.
The guest and people out in public don't need to be subjected to that.

What do you think and what are you raising your children to do?
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Old 07-06-2011, 05:05 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,647,067 times
Reputation: 1411
I think that you are correct and I agree.
Mutual respect is very important. If I need to speak to/reprimand any of my kids when their friends are over, or in public, I always ask when to come into another room and we talk quietly. Even my seven year old. I would never want to embarrass them or myself. When I see parents yelling at their kids in public I feel sorry and embarrassed for them, and would like to just slap their parent!
Have you tried to have a serious conversation with your Mom about this at a time when you are both calm?
I feel for you. I grew up with an evil step mother who was just a witch. I just stopped having friends over.
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Old 07-06-2011, 05:40 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,251 posts, read 40,355,023 times
Reputation: 20198
This wasn't out in public. You said you had friends over and your mom flipped out on you. The way you word this, implies to me, that you invited friends to your *mother's* home...
they were IN the home...
and your mother flipped out on you, IN the home.

This is also nothing new, and any woman in her 20's who has experienced this kind of behavior most of her life from her mother, would not be surprised that this happened. And any woman in her 20's who has experienced this kind of behavior most of her life from her mother, would know to prepare for it, or at least know how to deal with it while maintaining dignity and grace.

Such as - don't invite your friends to your mother's home.

Such as - don't do whatever it is that makes your mother flip out on you. And don't come here and say you don't know what it is. You're a big girl now, you are a thinking human being, if not always rational. You are fully capable of knowing what you did to cause your mother to flip out on you. You could have prevented this outburst.

And barring that, you corral your friends, show them the door, and then resume the nag-fight with your mother while your friends are on their way home.
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Old 07-06-2011, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,214 posts, read 8,738,039 times
Reputation: 7776
Time to move out of your mother's house, I'd guess.
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Old 07-06-2011, 08:47 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 39,757,397 times
Reputation: 42668
I agree that it's rude to berate people in front of others--in person or online, incidentally.
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Old 07-06-2011, 11:04 AM
 
834 posts, read 2,514,967 times
Reputation: 523
Your mom should think of the Golden rule. Would she like to be yelled at in front of others? My daughter is 4 and whenever I have to give her some reminders or discipline I usually ask her to come to me...we go to another room, or another area more private to talk. You definitely don't want to embarrass them in front of others.
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Old 07-06-2011, 12:37 PM
 
32,524 posts, read 34,055,100 times
Reputation: 32503
Of course a little class and dignity should be kept at all times.

Txt, I hope you will learn from this and the other incidents in the past which you have chosen to share with us. I have in mind a certain incident which, if memory serves me correctly, was conducted on your front lawn and included an assault on the family automobile.

This is never acceptable. Cars have feelings too. As do the neighbors. So let us hope you are taking notes and such displays do not become the norm for you when you are on your own, in your own place, supporting yourself, and away from Mom. Yes. Teach your children well because this conduct is never condusive to calm nerves and healthy digestion. A collapse from embarrassment is not a good thing. Especially if you do not believe Mom will call 911. That is what I think.

In my own family we avoid such displays like the plague. They are tremenously bad form and we do not wish to be the subject of tittling conversation by either our houseguests or our neighbors. Nor do we wish to make the front page of the National Enquirer.
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Old 07-06-2011, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,155 posts, read 7,352,842 times
Reputation: 3197
Last night after a bunch of messed up plans we ended up back at my house.
My mom knew my friends were coming over, including the guy I like. My brother had his girlfriend over. We were going to light up the fire pit.

I got in the house my brother said we didn't have any firewood and I left and got some firewood.
Everyone went inside first while I grabbed it out of my car and when I walked in the door my mom was like txt, come here I need to talk to you. I said I gotta put this [the firewood] down outside.
I didn't want to discuss it then in front of everyone, I didn't know what she wanted to talk to me about but I knew it wasn't good. I went around the house and in the front door and TG saw me and pointed me out to my mom.
She was like come here, so I started walking towards the kitchen and she starts talking about the issue.
The issue: Back in March when I still had my job I signed up for a membership with massage envy. My mom had paid for my first massage and when I filled out my membership papers they wanted me to just put down a card number for the meantime and call back in and change the info to mine. I quit my job days later, as you all know, and then never called massage envy back. I knew if you couldn't pay they would freeze the account, which is what I thought they would do. I never thought about it any further and have forgotten about them for the past 4-5 months until yesterday. Problem is they changed my mom's card $200, my mom got it fixed because I haven't been using the membership and the money was returned.
Anyways she started berating me in front of everyone, I immediately felt like I wanted to die, my anxiety was through the roof and I really just rather have talked to her in private, I looked at her and I asked her, can we talk about this over here? And she told me no. I told her that the conversation was over then and that I wasn't going to discuss it in front of everyone.
I went and sat out front and one of my friends came out and talked to me.
She and I went through the gate into the backyard and everyone was back there and my mom was still pissed saying if my friends were going to be in the house then I needed to be in there with them and started getting even more pissed off, even though we were all out in the backyard and I was with them.

She finally said everyone needed to go home and that she was taking my brothers girlfriend home and she started yelling again and I said can we be quiet about this and talk somewhere else? She started screaming even louder and left.

I got my friends to go out front and we stood there for a bit and my mom called me saying my brother ran off from her and that if we were still there when she got back she was going to call the cops and she was literally screaming so loud it sounded like I had her on speakerphone.

I just talked to my grandmother and she talked to my brother has night and he told her my mom was yelling at him during the whole car ride over to his girlfriends house and that when they got there he hopped out too and walked off because he was tired of her doing that.

I admit I made a mistake with massage envy but I have anxiety issues, when my mom does that in front of a group of people who are all looking at her and I, it sends my anxiety through the roof and my fight or flight kicks in and I didn't want them to see/hear anything so I flighted.

I am a very private person.
I think it is disgusting and highly unacceptable to do that in front of guests, no matter who's guests they are, guests are guests.
You talk about stuff like that in private and not in front of company, you compose yourself in front of guest, no matter who's they are.


And Dew what are you talking about?
The only assault on the family vehicle I know of is someone slicing up the front grill a few weeks ago and we have no idea who did it.
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Old 07-06-2011, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
17,548 posts, read 22,911,249 times
Reputation: 9883
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Do you teach your children how to do both?
How do you act out in public?
Reason I ask this is because of something that happened tonight.
My mom lacks the ability to appropriately conduct herself in front of guests and out in public.

Like tonight she started yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs at me when I had some friends over tonight. It was not due to them, it was due to a whole different issue but I asked politely, calmly and quietly if we could discuss it in private or just in another room.

First it started out with her lecturing me about something that happened, I didn't want the conversation to be everyone's business and I asked her if we could step in the other room and she said no.
Then when I said if my request couldn't be respected then the conversation was over she got even more angry, I walked out of the house and she just kept flipping out.

When she does that to me in front of people I just want to crawl in a hole and die, my anxiety just makes me want to collapse from embarrassment.


But I thought about everything and that will be one of the things that I will teach my children one day, is how to conduct yourself out in public and in front of guests.
No yelling or fighting in public.
Don't make your business everyone else's.
If you want to confront someone about something then excuse yourself and that person from the group and talk to them privately.

I think yelling and screaming and acting belligerent in front of people is HIGHLY inappropriate and if you are going to reprimand someone for something, publicly scolding them is wrong.
I think it's just classless and rude.
The guest and people out in public don't need to be subjected to that.

What do you think and what are you raising your children to do?
You live in her home it is up to her if you have guests there
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Old 07-06-2011, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,601 posts, read 5,595,261 times
Reputation: 3846
It sounds to me like she tried to talk to you in private and you avoided her until she lost it. If my unemployed child was living in my house and ran up my credit I would not wait until the party she was throwing in my house was over before addressing the issue.
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