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Hi group:
wanted to get your opinion on something. I have a 4 year old impulsive little child. She's very innatentive also. She's going to her school's summer camp which is 3 different 2-week sessions...she's only going twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tuesdays shes there from 9-2 and Thurs 9-12. The teachers aparently cannot handle her well during afternoon "chill time" - it's between 1-2pm (so only Tuesdays), they read a story or nap or do quiet play. My nanny picked her up today and I got a letter from the teacher saying she was being disruptive and the teacher had to stop her story every time. I realize my child is not the easiest one to handle....but I know it can be done. Also, there are also about 10 other children in the room...so it's not going to be the same as when she's with parents, etc.
At this point she only has 3 more days with this place and she's done w this school. I don't know if it's even worth it to take her back or to go talk things out with the teacher so I understand better what triggered her behavior or not. These teachers are pretty set in their routine and I don't believe they are willing to change it, especially if my child is only going twice a week (she's only going twice a week b/c it was school's decision, not mine). I don't know if it would be worth it for her to even go back for the remainder time or just make arrangements for my nanny to work for us more hours. I should mention my nanny is pretty strict (in a good way) with her and they do some educational activities as well as other fun stuff when they are together. My girl responds well.
We've already made the decision to change her to a different preK starting in Sept. The new school is aware of all her history and seem positive about helping her transition successfully.
If you have any opinion on whether she should go back the remainder 3 days or discuss with teacher, etc. please let me know.
You shouldn't expect a teacher to change the routine she has with 10 children based upon 1 child who can't behave appropriately. You also shouldn't expect the teacher to have to "handle" your child. You should have taught her the proper behaviors in settings like this and to respect the adult who is in charge. She's 4 --- old enough to know better.
You say she's "implusive". Why is that? Is it just because she has gotten away with doing whatever she wants to do at home? Or is it because she's ADD or autistic or what?
You should go to the school with your daughter --- and have her apologize for her behavior, disruptions, and disrespect.
I wouldn't send her back for the last 3 days. For what? She's not getting anything out of it and she's making sure the other kids aren't, either.
I would not take her back. I would like to make one comment though. Most kids do better with more days rather than with fewer. They get into the routine better with 4 or 5 days a week rather than two.
Are you doing anything to address the impulsiveness and inattentiveness at home? I suggest some games that build attention span. One example of such a game is *balloon keep up* where you try to keep balloons in the air. Start simply with one balloon. Perhaps vary the play by having the child sit while you stand or vice versa. Add more balloons as the child becomes more competent. This game can be lots of fun. You can do it with more than one child too as the children begin to do it more easily. You can make it even simpler by using a light colored trash bag, drawing a face on it, blowing it up and tying it off. Kids have to learn to poke lightly or the homemade balloon might break. There are lots of variations and kids can play this for a long time or a short time, so you can gradually increase their attention span for the game and it can carry over into other things.
This is from a book called Follow Me, Too: A Handbook of Movement Activities for 3 to 5 year olds. It is sold by NAEYC on their website.
Search Request | NAEYC Online Store (http://www.naeyc.org/store/field_search_page/title|Follow+Me+Too - broken link)
Hi group:
wanted to get your opinion on something. I have a 4 year old impulsive little child. She's very innatentive also. She's going to her school's summer camp which is 3 different 2-week sessions...she's only going twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tuesdays shes there from 9-2 and Thurs 9-12. The teachers aparently cannot handle her well during afternoon "chill time" - it's between 1-2pm (so only Tuesdays), they read a story or nap or do quiet play. My nanny picked her up today and I got a letter from the teacher saying she was being disruptive and the teacher had to stop her story every time. I realize my child is not the easiest one to handle....but I know it can be done. Also, there are also about 10 other children in the room...so it's not going to be the same as when she's with parents, etc.
At this point she only has 3 more days with this place and she's done w this school. I don't know if it's even worth it to take her back or to go talk things out with the teacher so I understand better what triggered her behavior or not. These teachers are pretty set in their routine and I don't believe they are willing to change it, especially if my child is only going twice a week (she's only going twice a week b/c it was school's decision, not mine). I don't know if it would be worth it for her to even go back for the remainder time or just make arrangements for my nanny to work for us more hours. I should mention my nanny is pretty strict (in a good way) with her and they do some educational activities as well as other fun stuff when they are together. My girl responds well.
We've already made the decision to change her to a different preK starting in Sept. The new school is aware of all her history and seem positive about helping her transition successfully.
If you have any opinion on whether she should go back the remainder 3 days or discuss with teacher, etc. please let me know.
Does your daughter WANT to go? I would base my decision on that, if it were me. Just because she's disruptive during quiet time which is what, 1 hour, is not a reason to make her miss out. Unless she's just out of control, it shouldn't be anything that the teachers can't handle. It sounds to me like they just don't want to be bothered.
But if your daughter is enjoying it and having fun, I'd say let her enjoy the last few days, and the teachers will just have to deal with it. That's what they're there for. I agree that probably with a more consistent schedule, she would settle down. Two days a week is not enough for a little kid to get into a routine.
However, if your daughter is reluctant to go, the teachers' reluctance to deal with her just may be coming through to her in their interactions with her, and you definitely don't want that. Talk to her, see what's going on and how she feels about it. Thankfully, she'll be going to a different school where, hopefully, they will have more patience with her.
I agree with the others who've said a teacher shouldn't have to adjust the routine for one child. I am wondering if there is something underlying like ADHD or SPD causing her to be impulsive. I'd suggest talking to her pediatrician about her behavior. In the long run, it won't matter if you take her to the last 3 days or not. If you have a nanny that can take care of her during those hours, I'd do that instead.
Thanks to all for your comments. She likes going to camp and play with her friends. I do agree that more days (even if they are short) will provide more consistency for the child's routine.
When she's motivated and interested in an activity there are no problems, she's engaged, she asks questions and participates in the activity. At this place, the "issue" is more toward that rest time in the afternoon. She has made great improvement in the last few months, but the school doesn't seem to credit that, even though they apply new skills we've given them. We have been taking her for several months to a developmental psychologist. All recommendations have been applied at home and and other caregivers (babysitter, teachers, family members). She's still young and some of the behaviors she's showing sometimes fade away, sometimes they won't. But she's likely to diagnosed with ADHD in the future. We are continuing to monitor her progress.
There is a very big difference being able to 'handle' a child one on one and 'handle' one in a group situation, especially if that one child has a special need and disrupts the entire group during a time that is supposed to be relaxing and pleasant.
Imagine having a dinner party for adults. You've kept it to 10 people because you want it small and somewhat intimate, expecting good food and conversation. You are serving wine and cheese before dinner and people are milling about with some excitedly talking about their day, others involved in serious debate, some touring your home and others content to people watch.
You call them to dinner and just as you are about to make a toast to start the celebration, one particular person, we'll say A, gets up and announces loudly they are going to get more wine. You play it off as no big deal and continue on with your toast.
Right before you finish up A returns and loudly scrape the floor with their chair then starts talking to the person next to them before they've even sat back down. This table mate was intently listening to you at that moment and is now embarrassed to play an unwilling part in the disruption. Many other people couldn't help but also take their attention away from you and turn towards A as well.
Once again you overlook this and the serving begins, which you've chosen to do family style in such a small setting. You start with a salad bowl being passed around. It arrives in front of A and she picks and chooses what she wants out of the bowl, holding up progress and making the salad a little less appealing to others.
So you start the bowl of vegetables next going the other direction, and once again it gets stalled at A A holds it close to her nose to smell, then reaches in with her fingers and pinches off a small piece to taste test. She declares it surprisingly good and takes a helping before releasing it from her grip.
Suddenly A has knocked over her water glass and is up professing over and over her apologies for being so clumsy. You rush to get a towel to clean it up while everyone tries not to laugh, but cannot look away from the action. Clean up accomplished and you thank your lucky stars it was just water and not the red wine.
Next you start two meat platters, one from each end of the table. Yet before you can even introduce the choices on the platter, A is talking loudly to the table mate who doesn't realize you are saying something informative and they both miss it all. You have to explain a second time when it arrives there. As A is taking her choice, she drops the serving utensil on the floor and you have to get up and replace/wash it before it can finish being served.
Finally the bread basket goes around and A loves bread so she helps herself to several portions and now you have to get up to refill it before any one has even taken a bite. You have now missed much of the conversation getting up so frequently.
Once eating has begun, all you hear is A's voice over everyone else. She gets up numerous times to ask for something, go to the ladies room (which she announces to the entire table) or to talk to someone at the opposite end of the table. Every time you start a conversation with the person next to you, you are interrupted, have to stop because you can't be heard or have to leave to refill something for A.
You started off especially excited for after dinner dessert and coffee. You made a very special dessert and worked hard to complete it. You also bought several different flavors of coffee to have everyone try out. However, you find you are completely exhausted and frustrated at this point and it takes quite an effort to move forward at this time.
As you are trying to make a quick clearing of the dinner dishes, you find some of your dinner guests excusing themselves for the evening. But...you have a great dessert and special coffee. Why are you leaving? Because they are just as exhausted and frustrated over the dinner situation and ready to be done. They'd love to stay a little longer and partake, but they just don't have it in them to put up with A for any longer. They just can't do it. All implied of course, never spoken.
Since you do feel the same way, you fully understand and though it hurts your heart you accept them leaving and not finishing the evening. You are now left with A and maybe 1 or 2 other guests to stumble through dessert and what's left of the evening.
There's nothing left to do but cry or scream in the sudden silence once you finally send A on her way home. Afterwards, lying in bed, you spend hours awake running through the evening in your head trying to figure out how it went so wrong.
Next time you go for a more informal approach making it a buffet and it ends with the same results. The next time you try for snacks and drinks only.
Then one time A doesn't show up and your evening is such fun and amazing and you realize it really makes a huge difference if she is there or not.
Now your decision is easy. Just don't invite her anymore for anything other than just you and her, even if it does feel wrong to exclude her. You just can't handle that any more.
Yes. That is exactly what happens sometimes with kids. You try everything you can. When you find yourself at the point that it just isn't worth that much work to have that one child there anymore, then you bite the bullet and let them go.
Are you doing anything to address the impulsiveness and inattentiveness at home? I suggest some games that build attention span. One example of such a game is *balloon keep up* where you try to keep balloons in the air. Start simply with one balloon. Perhaps vary the play by having the child sit while you stand or vice versa. Add more balloons as the child becomes more competent. This game can be lots of fun.
Unless you have a child who freaks out at the sound of a balloon being popped. Which would have been me. Even today, as a grown adult, balloons popping make me jump. (I'm a sensitive flower. )
Better to use something that isn't going to make a loud noise. Like the inflated trash bag or, better yet, a lightweight ball. This "game" would have sent me running outside when I was four.
IMHO I think you should have a talk with your daughter and find out exactly what she is doing/not doing during the quite time. Then ask her why she is not abiding by the rules. Then maybe let her know that if she wants to continue to go to camp and play with her friends then she needs to follow the rules or she won't be allowed to go anymore.
Unless you have a child who freaks out at the sound of a balloon being popped. Which would have been me. Even today, as a grown adult, balloons popping make me jump. (I'm a sensitive flower. )
Better to use something that isn't going to make a loud noise. Like the inflated trash bag or, better yet, a lightweight ball. This "game" would have sent me running outside when I was four.
The balloons should not pop if you are hitting them lightly and don't overinflate them.
We have never had a problem with this at all.
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