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I HOPE this child is taken care of, but I'm afraid their history is poor, and I don't see that happening. People can change, and believe me, I said some extra prayers last night for them.
I HOPE this child is taken care of, but I'm afraid their history is poor, and I don't see that happening. People can change, and believe me, I said some extra prayers last night for them.
Not only was I young when I first got pregnant, I was also a big flaming sack of poo. I was your typical witchy, selfish, know-it-all teenage girl. I also liked to party. I had no business having a goldfish, never mind a baby. My mother was convinced she would be raising another child.
That baby right away turned me into the complete opposite. I was loving, doting, responsible etc.....all that mattered was him. Sometimes the switch does flip when you never think it will. I hope the best for you and your family
Not only was I young when I first got pregnant, I was also a big flaming sack of poo. I was your typical witchy, selfish, know-it-all teenage girl. I also liked to party. I had no business having a goldfish, never mind a baby. My mother was convinced she would be raising another child.
That baby right away turned me into the complete opposite. I was loving, doting, responsible etc.....all that mattered was him. Sometimes the switch does flip when you never think it will. I hope the best for you and your family
Thanks, LM! It's good to hear a success story! I'm worried because the family is riddled with dysfunction...alcoholism, drug abuse, fighting (physical). My husband will not visit his family after sundown because the liquor gets flowing and the fists fly...literally. The last time we were down there in the evening, one family member punched my van and broke my mirror...all because he was mad at someone else. I've seen women holding babies, breaking beer bottles over someone's head (while holding a baby). It's no healthy environment, I'm afraid. Sadly, cousin lives a house away from momma and all that nonsense...and she'll never leave. I hope and pray that they straighten up, but no one else in the family has so I wonder if she'll be the exception or the rule. I hope the former.
Why do (some) women fall for losers, anyways? The guy sounds like a nut. Oh, and pulling your dick out in front of children, pretty sure that makes him a pedophile too.
Thanks, LM! It's good to hear a success story! I'm worried because the family is riddled with dysfunction...alcoholism, drug abuse, fighting (physical). My husband will not visit his family after sundown because the liquor gets flowing and the fists fly...literally. The last time we were down there in the evening, one family member punched my van and broke my mirror...all because he was mad at someone else. I've seen women holding babies, breaking beer bottles over someone's head (while holding a baby). It's no healthy environment, I'm afraid. Sadly, cousin lives a house away from momma and all that nonsense...and she'll never leave. I hope and pray that they straighten up, but no one else in the family has so I wonder if she'll be the exception or the rule. I hope the former.
Sounds like a horrible environment. She may need a taste of a different life to see what else is out there, but that is always easier said than done.
You said she was 23 and this was her first boyfriend. I am sure she was just really dying for attention and latched to hard for the first man that gave it to her.
Thanks, LM! It's good to hear a success story! I'm worried because the family is riddled with dysfunction...alcoholism, drug abuse, fighting (physical). My husband will not visit his family after sundown because the liquor gets flowing and the fists fly...literally. The last time we were down there in the evening, one family member punched my van and broke my mirror...all because he was mad at someone else. I've seen women holding babies, breaking beer bottles over someone's head (while holding a baby). It's no healthy environment, I'm afraid. Sadly, cousin lives a house away from momma and all that nonsense...and she'll never leave. I hope and pray that they straighten up, but no one else in the family has so I wonder if she'll be the exception or the rule. I hope the former.
Well, your husband is one obvious exception. And I totally agree with LM. Really, you don't know what's going to happen when the baby is born. There are many hard partiers whose lives have changed as a result.
And I would say this - perhaps you could go a long way in offering some support, to the girl at least - rather than outright condemnation at this stage. You could be a positive influence, rather than merely a disapproving one.
As far as welfare goes, being on Medicaid has it's upsides, one of which is that she will be obligated to keep regular prenatal visits and other appointments, which may help open her eyes and keep her on the straight and narrow, and is obviously better than the alternative.
She may well grow out of this relationship, I know it sucks that this guy is the father but maternal instinct could possibly kick in at some point and she might actually kick him to the curb, and her mother and fighting family with him.
I know it's a long shot, but one can only hope. Meanwhile, it really doesn't do any good getting your knickers in a twist over someone else's dysfunctional life, and taking other people's inventory is never a productive passtime. And I know that from experience, not from a place of high horseyness.
I wish. He was showing his weenie to the family members, for some unknown godly reason...I was by the pool with the kids and I immediately got the kids distracted. My husband wanted to kick his tail...to my knowledge none of the kids saw, but it doesn't matter...other wives were around, mothers...I mean, who does that? He stormed off home after he was confronted about it. If I were his girlfriend, I'd have dumped him then and there. Just disgusting.
Next time (and there WILL BE a next time) call the cops, file a report, do whatever you have to do to bring the law down on him. And don't let your kids anywhere near him. Like the same county. Guys like that get forgiven and excused and they do it again and again. And worse.
No excuses. He'd have nothing to do with my family. Ever.
Sorry you're going through this but put your own family first.
Well, your husband is one obvious exception. And I totally agree with LM. Really, you don't know what's going to happen when the baby is born. There are many hard partiers whose lives have changed as a result.
And I would say this - perhaps you could go a long way in offering some support, to the girl at least - rather than outright condemnation at this stage. You could be a positive influence, rather than merely a disapproving one.
As far as welfare goes, being on Medicaid has it's upsides, one of which is that she will be obligated to keep regular prenatal visits and other appointments, which may help open her eyes and keep her on the straight and narrow, and is obviously better than the alternative.
She may well grow out of this relationship, I know it sucks that this guy is the father but maternal instinct could possibly kick in at some point and she might actually kick him to the curb, and her mother and fighting family with him.
I know it's a long shot, but one can only hope. Meanwhile, it really doesn't do any good getting your knickers in a twist over someone else's dysfunctional life, and taking other people's inventory is never a productive passtime. And I know that from experience, not from a place of high horseyness.
We've done the support thing...we offered for her to stay with us a few years back so she could attend college. She refused. Since this guy has come into her life she has really changed...he has such influence over her. I suppose I could be of support, but I am afraid my efforts will be in vain. I do hope she lays off the alcohol.
We've done the support thing...we offered for her to stay with us a few years back so she could attend college. She refused. Since this guy has come into her life she has really changed...he has such influence over her. I suppose I could be of support, but I am afraid my efforts will be in vain. I do hope she lays off the alcohol.
Ok, well in that case, I would just separate myself from them completely. I mean, what else can you do?
And like Dew says, if you do get in the position of seeing the guy doing something stupid and illegal, call the cops on his arse.
Wow. I'm sorry that has you upset! But I can understand why.
I don't know if this will help at all - probably won't help your situation! - but the book A Framework for Understanding Poverty, by Ruby Payne, popped into my head. We had a group at church that read this book, led by the director of a homeless services agency. Eye-opening!! It lays out how difficult it is for someone raised in poverty to break out of it, how their values are very different from someone raised middle class or upper class, how they relate to people differently, etc. It was helpful for me to read, because I was raised in poverty, and I always felt like I didn't quite belong in the "normal" world.
I can't remember if this is in the book, or if it was part of what the presenter told us, but he said the single biggest predictor of success for someone changing their lives and movin' on up was whether or not they had supportive people around them - people who were a few rungs "above" them on the poverty scale, who were invested enough to be there for them.
If there's a way for you to be there for your cousin-in-law (?), without giving her money or letting her live with you, you may help her see she has other options.
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The guy sounds like a nut. Oh, and pulling your dick out in front of children, pretty sure that makes him a pedophile too.
Sounds like a horrible environment. She may need a taste of a different life to see what else is out there, but that is always easier said than done.
