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Do you have a copy of the will? If so, were I your husband I'd get a lawyer. Actually, I'd get a lawyer anyway. An executor has certain legal obligations. If your husband thinks he's entitled to a third of the estate than he should do what is necessary to get his share. The uncle is taking money out of your family's pockets.
I think we do have a copy of the will..my husband has refrained from doing anything because he doesn't want to cause a stir, but it drives him CRAZY that his childhood home (his granddad raised him) has been destroyed...literally...Hurricane Ike hit in '08, and a tree fell through the roof, and it has yet to be repaired....there is literally a hole in the roof. Not to mention the lack of upkeep. It's devastating for him to go out there.
The will states that the estate (the only thing left is the house) is to be split 3 ways: between his grandads 3 kids, one of whom is deceased. The portion that is supposed to go to my husband's dad is to be split with him, his sister and his father. So he's supposed to get a 1/3 of a 1/3 I believe. All of his belongings (the grandad's) have been pilfered through, including his truck which was wrecked by his cousin. Dysfuntional doesn't even cover this hot mess. I wish he would pursue litigation, but I understand his hesitation. I do believe they SHOULD honor the will. These people are beyond wretched. There have been so many people (even non family) living in that house for the past 8 years....it's disgusting. It's a flop house. So sad.
I feel your pain, Crazymom, at having these people in your own family.
I have a niece who got pregnant at 19. Some confusion over the who the father was--she took the boyfriend to court for child support, then came back with some story about how he got his friend to donate DNA and trick the judge. She's a born liar and a thief--she's stolen money from just about everyone in the family and got fired from three supermarket jobs for stealing, so we think she just took some paltry lump sum of money and signed something saying she wouldn't bug him anymore.
Then she met some loser and has since had four more children with him. He's been to jail--for non-support of a kid he had years ago with a woman out west. He's an electrician, but won't work because the jobs out there just don't pay enough for what he's worth @@. They're not married, so she can collect WIC and food stamps and welfare, of course. In the past, some of us in the family tried to help her out because we feel bad for the kids, and in return we would get a letter--not a thank you, but asking for MORE money. They were living in an old van in a campground last summer because they were kicked out of all the places they had rented for not actually paying any rent.
Finally some poor idiot on the guy's side of the family gave them enough money to buy a ramshackle old house in the woods in Pennsylvania, so at least we know they have a roof. I haven't seen her in a few years now because I really can't stand her and it gets old having to always worry about where your purse is when someone is around. I often wonder how those kids will turn out, and I'm betting that one of the five takes a look around and decides to be something different when she grows up. If that happens, I will be happy to help that one.
Sometimes you just have to accept that no matter how bad you feel, no matter how much you think it might be possible to talk sense into someone, there is nothing you can really do but sit back and watch the train wreck--or choose to walk away and not watch at all.
I think we do have a copy of the will..my husband has refrained from doing anything because he doesn't want to cause a stir, but it drives him CRAZY that his childhood home (his granddad raised him) has been destroyed...literally...Hurricane Ike hit in '08, and a tree fell through the roof, and it has yet to be repaired....there is literally a hole in the roof. Not to mention the lack of upkeep. It's devastating for him to go out there.
The will states that the estate (the only thing left is the house) is to be split 3 ways: between his grandads 3 kids, one of whom is deceased. The portion that is supposed to go to my husband's dad is to be split with him, his sister and his father. So he's supposed to get a 1/3 of a 1/3 I believe. All of his belongings (the grandad's) have been pilfered through, including his truck which was wrecked by his cousin. Dysfuntional doesn't even cover this hot mess. I wish he would pursue litigation, but I understand his hesitation. I do believe they SHOULD honor the will. These people are beyond wretched. There have been so many people (even non family) living in that house for the past 8 years....it's disgusting. It's a flop house. So sad.
Were it me, I'd find the will, take it to a lawyer and ask what my rights were. What could be done to get what is legally mine? Maybe it's my age (I'm beyond worrying about what other people think) but why should your husband be worried about causing a stir? This inheritence could be helping your family live a better life. Money for college, whatever.
Personally I wouldn't worry about causing a fuss. Who cares? With the family being the way you've described them I'd want to get what was mine then never again have anything to do with them. I certainly wouldn't worry about hurting anyones feelings. They aren't loosing any sleep over what they are doing to YOUR family. Time to take care of numero uno.
Not only was I young when I first got pregnant, I was also a big flaming sack of poo. I was your typical witchy, selfish, know-it-all teenage girl. I also liked to party. I had no business having a goldfish, never mind a baby. My mother was convinced she would be raising another child.
That baby right away turned me into the complete opposite. I was loving, doting, responsible etc.....all that mattered was him. Sometimes the switch does flip when you never think it will. I hope the best for you and your family
Hi Leaving Mass. You obviously had it in you to do the right thing. I hope this same thing happens with the OP's family, but unfortunately it often doesn't.
Crazy Mom, I know how hard it is. You are obviously a caring, compassionate person and it is very frustrating and painful to know your hands are tied.
Minimal contact might be best, as it sounds like it is not a good situation for your children to be around.
One thing I have learned in life is that you never know when things or people will change.
Were it me, I'd find the will, take it to a lawyer and ask what my rights were. What could be done to get what is legally mine? Maybe it's my age (I'm beyond worrying about what other people think) but why should your husband be worried about causing a stir? This inheritence could be helping your family live a better life. Money for college, whatever.
Personally I wouldn't worry about causing a fuss. Who cares? With the family being the way you've described them I'd want to get what was mine then never again have anything to do with them. I certainly wouldn't worry about hurting anyones feelings. They aren't loosing any sleep over what they are doing to YOUR family. Time to take care of numero uno.
Dew, you are SO right...I thought about it this morning...they do NOTHING but take from others, and we (even though they hardly deserve it) respect their boundaries and have always been kind, considerate, and respectful towards them, despite how they live and how they treat others. My husband's granddad would FLIP if he knew this was going on...he worked hard all of his life for his home, and now people are just TRASHING it. Disrespectful, ungrateful freeloaders...every last one of them....generations of welfare and fraud. Oh I can't stand it...I'll get on a roll and be hateful and ugly. My husband and his sister are the ONLY ones on that side of the family that got out of the cycle and live better lives, and his family is envious and hateful about what we have, what we do, how we live. No, we don't smoke weed in front of babies and kids, No we don't get drunk and fight, No we don't work the system for welfare. I am so proud of the man my husband is, because he made the choice to end the cycle.
My husband's granddad would FLIP if he knew this was going on...he worked hard all of his life for his home, and now people are just TRASHING it.
Do it for Grandpa.
God bless your DH for getting out of the cycle. That's not easy. But this is the last thing you can do for Grandpa. See that his wishes are carried out.
Encourage your husband to take legal action. he will feel better about himself if he does. If he isn't willing to stand up for what his grandpa wanted, then he can't keep on complaining about the situation.
Considering what you have said about the condition of the house and it being the only thing left in the estate, your share might be *debt* rather than anything else. You may want to consider just walking away and letting the house go.
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