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You parents who have or have had difficult teens . . .how do you cope with the disappointment?
I have raised teens yet am still prone to EXTREME disappointment over every "stupid" decision, or acting out behavior.
The teen I am concerned with is 18 - it is so challenging to stand by and watch and think the kid might just as well have been raised by wolves, judging by behaviors . . .
How do you deal with the disappointment?
I find it very depressing and don't want to be negatively impacted in this way.
I don't have teens so I don't have experience with this.
Hopefully you gave them the tools they need to make good decisions. But at 18, they have to put those tools to use. You can't chose for them so don't accept responsibility for their choices.
What types of things are you talking about? I have raised several into adulthood - and will be glad to share any insight I can with you - but gotta have a better idea about what you mean by "difficult" teens, "stupid behaviors, acting out," etc.
Most teenagers I know have acted out or done stupid things. They sometimes aren't going to just take your word for anything, they have to learn the hard way. The point is that they learn. If you are still experiencing this behavior when they're adults, I think you might have a just cause for disappointment.
I think there is a vast difference between being disappointed in some decisions they make and disappointed in who they are. I doubt any parent goes through raising kids without the occasional feeling of disappointment in a decision - be that a poor behaviour choice or simply a different choice than you would have made for them....A deep disappointment in who they are ot how they have "turned out" is a whole other issue. I can't imagine how painful that would be. Fortunately, 18 is still very very young in the overall scheme of things. Don't give up yet.
I guess I was just asking about how you, as parents have felt and then dealt with any disappointment that has come up.
I don't want to go into detail, but let's just say I had this premise that if a kid is raised a certain way, they will develop certain values . . . to find out differently is shocking, especially when the actions I am witnessing appear that they cannot lead to happiness.
It is a kind of grief and also disbelief that someone who is so loved could make what I consider to be ill-informed choices.
I hope and pray that the lessons that come will be gentle and that the person will develop solid character . . . in the meantime, it is hard to watch and I have a lot of personal grief over it which I was hoping others would be able to shed light on (in terms of their own process around any kids who disappointed them).
I think when you are teaching children morals and ethics and they seem to understand and seem to be thriving, everything seems as if it is falling into place.
It is a rude awakening when the same kid, whose behavior you were so proud of, starts acting out or making what seem to be ill-informed decisions . . .it's like, "What happened to all of the learning that went before?" "Where is the common sense?
"These kinds of actions can't possibly lead to happiness . . ."
Last edited by imcurious; 07-17-2011 at 05:55 PM..
It's probably just good old fashion rebellion - and that's a healthy thing!
You may have taught then to have certain values, but once they reach 18 they get to make their own choices - and no one leaves the nest with the exact same values as their parents. I was always a good kid, but I make very different decisions than my parents would - and we're still close and still love each other.
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