Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would not invite everyone either...this is your daughter's party, for her friends...my daughter did not get invited to parties, and she was okay with it...after I explained that some people can't invite everyone, and she did not really even like the girl having the party, so why did she want to go anyway...and she was fine with that...
Your daughter should have who she wants at her party. Don't invite the bully.
I always invited everyone. It teaches children to be better than those who excluded them.
As for crying after inviting the unpopular girl, a lesson in tollerance might be appropriate.
Kids need to learn that life isn't all about them, even on their birthdays.
That's silly. Kids have friends and not everyone in their class is a good friend. After kindergarten, my kids invited only a few kids. We did not like big parties anyway.
My daughter would often invite only 3 or 4 kids and we would go to a play. My son invited 6 to 8 because they liked to play soccer or to go bowling.
Parents are not made of money and should not have to have every kid in the class at a party. And kids get to choose their friends.
Our school has a rule that if you are not going to invite the whole class, all the boys or all the girls invitations cannot be brought to school. With our school being tiny k-12 under one roof and less than 140 students, word gets out fast on parties. We end up with some ticked off kids and mothers every year but that's life, maybe next year.
I always invited everyone. It teaches children to be better than those who excluded them.
As for crying after inviting the unpopular girl, a lesson in tollerance might be appropriate.
Kids need to learn that life isn't all about them, even on their birthdays.
Birthdays are for close friends and family (and not all of the family; cousins, aunts, etc unless they are close). This whole thing of 'including everyone' doesn't give the child the opportunity to make decisions about what types and behaviors s/he is amenable with/ comfortable with/ doesn't want to associate with - which is far more important than teaching them that everyone is equal, and you have to cater to everyone no matter how spoiled, selfish, obnoxious or mean they might be. They aren't, and in the real world, you don't. It's supposed to be a day of celebration - not a day of penance.
I can't imagine the crass rudeness of anyone asking why they or their child were not invited to a party, nor the self-centeredness of those who insist that they should be. Birthday celebrations aren't sociological experiments. Nor are they cheap.
IMHO, I think it depends on how many kids there are total and how many are invited. If you were only inviting 5-6 girls, I think it's no biggie to say it's just a party for close friends. That's perfectly understandable and it gets expensive to throw a party for 30.
If she's inviting these 12 girls out of the two classes and there are 30 girls in the 3rd grade total, that's not a big deal. It's especially not a big deal if you do it during the summer before school starts. That might be the best solution to avoid drama. Everyone will be talking about their summer plans and probably it won't even get noticed.
If it's a smaller school and there are only 18 girls in the grade and she's inviting 12 of them... that starts to get a little murkier for me. Then we're talking about 6 girls getting excluded from an event 2/3 of the class is getting invited to. I would question at that point whether the potential drama and "mean girl" (or "mean mom") retaliation would be worth it.
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,877,888 times
Reputation: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by osunshine
My daughters 8th birthday is coming up and we plan on having a Disco Party at home. She has made a list of 12 girls she would like to invite out of both 3rd grade classes. I don’t have a problem with her doing this and wanting to be with the girls she likes the most on her day. I plan on mailing the invites but inevitably kids tend to talk at school and I am sure others will find out they were not invited. I personally understand that not all classmates can be invited to every party and my DD has been on that end too with out it hurting her feelings. How do you handle the situation when a child or worse their parent ask you why they did not get invited? There is especially one pushy girl and her mother who do this. I included that child last year and my daughter cried when I did.
I'm would think for the average person a simple, "I'm sorry, I told my daughter she could invite 'x' number of people." would suffice.
Yes there are 30 girls b/twn 2 classes and she is only inviting 12. The party will also be held after school starts. (we start back Aug 10th).
I'd say that would be fine, then. This would also probably be a good opportunity to remind your daughter about the good manners in not discussing exclusive events around the people who aren't included. Then she won't be put on the spot if they're all sitting around talking about it at lunch and someone asks why they weren't invited.
I always invited everyone. It teaches children to be better than those who excluded them.
As for crying after inviting the unpopular girl, a lesson in tollerance might be appropriate.
Kids need to learn that life isn't all about them, even on their birthdays.
I can see the value in doing that, and we did that in preschool and kindergarten. Going forward, we won't though. As they get older, it gets easier to tell who their friends really are.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
