Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was a young mother. I was also married before I became pregnant. I can't understand why any woman would get pregnant before marriage. If a guy isn't willing to commit to marriage, what makes a girl think he is willing to commit to raising a child? Birth control is cheap and effective. I see no reason why we have so many out of wedlock babies. Young girls should be educated on birth control by their parents and it should be cheap and available regardless of age.
I just had a daughter out of wedlock (I am 26, the father 29).
And we are getting married in a few weeks.
You think a paper can keep a man from walking out? HA.
If there is no commitment in your heart dear, that piece of paper is worthless.
That's why I encourage my daughters to put off what will always be waiting for them and concentrate on getting an education and becoming self-sufficient.
I also think the impatient little boys are to a large degree weeded out by that time and they'll be have a different quality of young men courting them.
I definitely agree. I find that education and the quality of men have a strong correlation. The more education, the better quality of men. Who wants to settle down with a guy working at McDonald's with his GED when you can get a med student?
I find myself becoming much more picky when it comes to men the more education I obtain. A guy with just a high school diploma/GED isn't getting any attention from me.
but you know the mindset... "Divorce? It will NEVER happen to me! My husband LOVES me and we made a VOW!"
I could never be a SAHM. I want to accomplish things of my own and depending on someone else makes me feel extremely uneasy.
If I didn't have a job, my soon to be husband and I would be screwed right now because he got laid off when I was around 8 months pregnant and I am the the one who's keeping our heads above water. (barely)
So true. Lots of these young women come in the marriage with this mindset that divorce can't happen to them when that is simply not true. In fact, most will end up in divorce, sadly.
And your last paragraph is definitely something for lots of these wannabe housewives to think about. What if the hubby loses the job and has a hard time getting a new one? Having a second income helps provide that cushion of security, whereas, with one income, the entire family is vulnerable. Even if a family could survive off one income, it's best to live off that one income and use the other to bank a large savings for a rainy day. Lots of women don't think long-term.
I just had a daughter out of wedlock (I am 26, the father 29).
And we are getting married in a few weeks.
You think a paper can keep a man from walking out? HA.
If there is no commitment in your heart dear, that piece of paper is worthless.
Exactly. Marriage means NOTHING these days. My dad was a terrible husband, and they are just getting a divorce after over 25 years of marriage. And then there are all these politicians (Arnold, anyone? John Edwards? Anthony Weiner?).
Marriage only makes for a messy break up, it has NOTHING to do with commitment. And at any rate, I see no problem with having babies out of wedlock. It isn't anything new.
I just wanted to add to the supporting yourself thing. My wife and I married young and have three children. She is now 28 and I am 31. We had our first at 21 and 24, respectively. I graduated college and was into my career when we married. My wife was still trying to finish school. She got pregnant and had to drop out one semester. She tried to take a couple classes at a time to finish, but then I got transferred to another state. We came back home a year later and she went back to school while working. Then she got pregnant with number two and soon after that with number three. She has yet to finish school and it is one of the biggest regrets she has.
Financially we are OK and my salary affords us a decent life. My wife is a SAHM as we couldn't afford day care for her to go back to school and her earning potential would make day care a break even. Our marriage is good and we invest in it (something so many people fail to do). Still, one of her biggest worries is the what if of us getting a divorce or me dieing. I don't make enough to support two households and she has no earning potential without school. She would be nicely setup if I died, but would need to eventually work. On top of that with the exception of the house and two credit cards, EVERYTHING is in my name.
She feels very much dependent on me financially and that bothers her. Not only do I earn all the money, which she feels constrains her right to criticize our finances, but I also control all the money as I pay all the bills and do the budget. So, we have determined over the next few years to work on that. The first step was to involve her more in the bill paying and budget. After that, we haven't figured it out but it will most likely go back to education and getting her degree.
So, my advice for any woman (or man) is to secure your own financial house and earning ability before making the decision of marriage and having children. My wife even though we have a healthy marriage and are equal partners, can't escape the feeling of being trapped financially. Now imagine we didn't have a good marriage and she wanted to leave, but was compelled to stay for financial reasons. It happens more than people like to admit.
I do not watch the show, I think it exhibits a poor look on the real world of teenage pregnancy. Not all teenagers are unfit. My son and his girlfriend had a baby almost two years ago. The mom was a Junior in highschool. She not only graduated early but with top honors. They are both capable in all aspects of parenting....money, home, childcare ect.. While they are not together, they work together as parents to give their baby the best life they possibly can.
As initially stated in another thread, the dialog concerning teenage childbearing is largely based on an instance of question begging: the initial premise that it is universally negative, which is not justified by argument or evidence.
There is empirical research that indicates that teenage childbearing is a beneficial reproductive strategy for lower-income (and often ethnic minority) women in terms of labor market consequences, namely Hotz et al.'s Teenage Childbearing and its Life Cycle Consequences: Exploiting a Natural Experiment: "We exploit a 'natural experiment' associated with human reproduction to identify the causal effect of teen childbearing on the socioeconomic attainment of teen mothers. We exploit the fact that some women who become pregnant experience a miscarriage and do not have a live birth. Using miscarriages an instrumental variable, we estimate the effect of teen mothers not delaying their childbearing on their subsequent attainment. We find that many of the negative consequences of teenage childbearing are much smaller than those found in previous studies. For most outcomes, the adverse consequences of early childbearing are short-lived. Finally, for annual hours of work and earnings, we find that a teen mother would have lower levels of each at older ages if they had delayed their childbearing."
This explanation is provided in a discussion of earnings and incidence of living in poverty: "Our evidence, and that of others, documents that women who begin motherhood as teens come from less advantaged backgrounds, are less likely to be successful in school, and, as such, are less likely to end up in occupations that require higher education compared with women who postpone motherhood. Our evidence further suggests that these women are more likely to acquire their skills on the job (rather than in school) and work in jobs where educational credentials are less important than continuity and job-specific experience. For such women, concentrating their childbearing at early ages may prove to be more compatible with their labor market career options than postponing their childbearing to older ages would be. If this characterization is accurate, forcing teen mothers to postpone their childbearing, as miscarriages do, may 'explain' why they both appear to acquire no more formal education and actually end up doing less well in the labor market than if they had been able to follow their preferred life cycle plan."
However, it cannot necessarily be concluded that teenage childbearing among lower-income women is positive overall based on this research, since there are other adverse consequences that may result, such as physical and mental health reductions, as evidenced in Teen Motherhood and Long-Term Health Consequences.
I just had a daughter out of wedlock (I am 26, the father 29).
And we are getting married in a few weeks.
You think a paper can keep a man from walking out? HA.
If there is no commitment in your heart dear, that piece of paper is worthless.
I did not say that marriage would keep a man from walking out. What I am saying is that raising a child takes commitment from both parents. If your "baby daddy" marries you then, congratulations. Unfortunately, that isn't the case most of the time and it is up to an unwed, uneducated woman to raise the child and fight for child support from a man who never wanted the child to begin with. What I am saying is that every woman should get an education and be able to support herself before she gets pregnant and starts bringing children into this world that she cannot support. (not saying that is you) Yes, I still believe that marriage and commitment should come first. Sorry call me old fashioned. I am not ashamed of that.
I could never be a SAHM. I want to accomplish things of my own and depending on someone else makes me feel extremely uneasy.
.....
Hmm. so who is raising the kid.
Is raising the kid an accomplishment?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
So basically you want to rely on a man to support you and your babies? What happens if he decides to drop you like it's hot? Or worse yet, what if he dies?
Get an education. As much as I would love to have children now, at almost 20, I know that finishing up my college education will help support my children better in the long run.
Both of these posts and many others emphasise the reliance on self.
I would suggest that it is scary to rely on someone else. It is hard and it is scary to trust someone.
However I think that is what is required. We need to rely on and to trust others.
That is not what we do however, we put the effort into the secure, the known, the self.
We have heard the equal opportunity message and I have no issue with that. But I think that many women translate "I can do anything" to "I can do everything". Somehow they think that they can have the university education, the high paying job (the two do not actually follow but anyway), the social life, the married life, the child etc.
To me make a choice.
Whatever you put the effort into will be what has longevity.
Put the effort into getting your career then that is whatyou will have.
Put the effort into your marriage then that is what you will have.
Put your effort into the kids and that is what you will have.
Mostly anyway. You may put effort into a job and not have a career. You may put effort into your marriage but then end up with a divorce anyway. You may put effort into your kids but loose them anyway. But sure as anything if you don't put the effort in then you can be sure you will not have them.
The problem is that these days the idea of making a sacrifice for someone else is not seen as good. A person who makes a sacrifice to better themselves is seen as good.
We should (But we don't) lift up mothers and say look at the sacrifice she has made to raise her kids. She has at the very least put her money making career on hold.
We do not lift up wives and say "look at the sacrifice she makes for her husband" To keep him interested. My wife for example wears skirts and dresses because it keeps my interest. It is a sacrifice she makes for me.
And men, we do not keep them accountable. It still seems to be considered much more OK for a man to have an affair than a woman when it is not ok for either. Men should be challenged - what are they doing to support their wives. Working hard & providing for the household, buying them presents, saying supportive words to them, Keeping the yard looking great, helping with housework, recognising the effort she puts in. Taking her on holidays.
We should learn to trust and we should be challenged to be trustworthy.
Quote:
.... Or worse yet, what if he dies?
Now that one is easy. At the very least he should provide for her - Insurance or savings.
So what would happen if your wife wore pants and instead focused on herself rather than trying to keep you interested? Would her marriage suffer?
There's a lot of ugliness going on in this thread. I'll just remind people that, you know - TV is not real life. Regardless of whether they are calling it "Reality TV" or not.
Sure there are fools everywhere, but in real life people under the age of 20 have children every day and many are good loving parents.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
-- Carl Jung
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
