Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife & I are parents to a nearly 5 year old girl and a nearly 3 year old boy. My wife suffers from depression, which is being treated.
I've found some articles recently that talk about the impact a depressed parent has on a child, and it seems to be a reason for concern. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who has had similar experiences and if they can offer tips and advice?
I'm most concerned about my 5 year old daughter. Overall she's a very good kid, very well behaved, generally positive and happy but she's also highly emotional, cries frequently, and somewhat shy and timid. So far my son is the typical 2 year old boy, loves to play and have fun but occasionally is an extreme handful. But I don't see anything from him at this point that has me concerned.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd greatly appreciate hearing some thoughts and advice on what to do, if anything. I try and balance out my wife's condition by spending as much time as I can playing with the kids and being positive and fun and happy. But it can get hard after a while.
I don't have a ton of advice, but would suggest that if you try to be a positive influence for your children as a way to compensate for your wife's perceived shortcomings, it will burn you out eventually. It's better to be yourself and do what comes naturally.
There is too much emphasis in our culture on "perfect parenting" and an attitude that anything less than perfect parenting will ruin our children. As long as your wife is not abusive or neglectful, is able to function and meet the basic needs of your kids (food, water, safety, kiss boo-boos, offer a smile or hug when needed, etc), everything should be fine. I know there is research that shows parental depression has a negative impact on kids, but there is a lot of research showing a lot of things parents do / don't do is bad.
Unless your wife is catatonic or spends her days screaming at your kids, I wouldn't worry too much. It's good that she is getting treatment (is it working?). It's true that a mental illness will impact the entire family, but the most that can be done is for the person to get treatment and the spouse to be supportive. It sounds like you guys are doing the best you can given the circumstances. Also remember that your daughter's natural temperament might be shy, emotional, anxious, etc. It is not necessarily correlated with your wife's depression.
I don't have a ton of advice, but would suggest that if you try to be a positive influence for your children as a way to compensate for your wife's perceived shortcomings, it will burn you out eventually. It's better to be yourself and do what comes naturally.
There is too much emphasis in our culture on "perfect parenting" and an attitude that anything less than perfect parenting will ruin our children. As long as your wife is not abusive or neglectful, is able to function and meet the basic needs of your kids (food, water, safety, kiss boo-boos, offer a smile or hug when needed, etc), everything should be fine. I know there is research that shows parental depression has a negative impact on kids, but there is a lot of research showing a lot of things parents do / don't do is bad.
Unless your wife is catatonic or spends her days screaming at your kids, I wouldn't worry too much. It's good that she is getting treatment (is it working?). It's true that a mental illness will impact the entire family, but the most that can be done is for the person to get treatment and the spouse to be supportive. It sounds like you guys are doing the best you can given the circumstances. Also remember that your daughter's natural temperament might be shy, emotional, anxious, etc. It is not necessarily correlated with your wife's depression.
I agree with Marmom. Kids adjust to their circumstances, and they accept their parents for whoever they are. If Mom has moody, quiet, or withdrawn spells, they learn to deal with it. Unless her depression is causing her to neglect or mistreat them, I wouldn't worry so much. Your wife has taken the steps to get treatment, which is great. If anything, I think your kids will become more sensitive and empathetic, not only to their mother's illness, but to other people as well.
I grew up with a depressed mother. She spent a few decades in a Valium stupor. I felt responsible for her illness. it is common for children to blame themselves for divorce, illness, accidents, just about everything.
I've had a few bouts of situational depression. I try to remove myself for my kids with things like "I have a bad headache so I'm gonna go in my room to be quiet for awhile". Kids pick up on our clues very easily.
I say support your wife and try to get her some unwind time so she can rally.
Your five year old sounds like a very typical five year old girl. It's a stage they go through and most of them outgrow it by about halfway through first grade.
When I was growing up, my dad had a bunch of chronic health problems. Depression was one of them. It didn't really impact me much as a child. I had to help out around the house a lot more than some kids because he was always too tired to help my mom., but I was the oldest and expected to do a ton of chores anyhow. My youngest sister seems to be much more affected by my dad's problems, but she was still living at home when his other mental problems (not just the depression) got out of control.
My wife & I are parents to a nearly 5 year old girl and a nearly 3 year old boy. My wife suffers from depression, which is being treated.
I've found some articles recently that talk about the impact a depressed parent has on a child, and it seems to be a reason for concern. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who has had similar experiences and if they can offer tips and advice?
I'm most concerned about my 5 year old daughter. Overall she's a very good kid, very well behaved, generally positive and happy but she's also highly emotional, cries frequently, and somewhat shy and timid. So far my son is the typical 2 year old boy, loves to play and have fun but occasionally is an extreme handful. But I don't see anything from him at this point that has me concerned.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd greatly appreciate hearing some thoughts and advice on what to do, if anything. I try and balance out my wife's condition by spending as much time as I can playing with the kids and being positive and fun and happy. But it can get hard after a while.
Thanks in advance.
I know where you're coming from. My wife has depression, severe at times. We've been married 17 years with 2 kids. My oldest is strong and independent, my youngest hangs on the apron strings and cries at the drop of a hat. Kids are different don't read too deep in to it.
I wouldn't get too hung up on worrying about mom's depression warping the kids. Kids are very observant. They know there's the real mom and the mom that's not feeling well and may over-react or cry for no good reason.
Be prepared to carry a heavier burden. When overwhelmed my wife goes down hill pretty quick, crying, depressed, etc. During those times I handle everything. Cooking, cleaning, getting the kids where they need to be. When my wife sees that I am taking over, it helps tremendously, it snaps her out of it.
If you can come to grips and understand that your wife has an illness it makes the coping much easier. Sometimes that's easier said than done. If she were in a wheelchair it would be easy to accept that you need to handle those things she cannot. Not as easy when the handicap can't be seen.
Be a good man, be the best father and husband you can and your kids will be just fine.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
