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Your entitled to your opinion (mine is not the same as yours) but what I wonder is WHY this is your opinion? Our opinions are almost always formed by our experiances and encounters.
I wonder if maybe you were watched "for free" by a grandparent as a child? Did TV shows or movies you watched as a child give you this impression? So now you have this image that grandparents should be delighted to give up their free time on a set schedule to do a job for no compensation.
I wonder if your perception would change if you knew that the grandma who watched you for "free" actually got a check in the mail from mom once a month. Even cash once a week exchanged when you weren't looking. Perhaps a credit card bill or a medical bill was being taken care of that you didn't know about.
I know that now as a parent looking back on my own childhood many things were not what they seemed or definitely not as easy as my mother made them appear!!
Someone who helped you so much as a child and continues to help you as an adult and for some reason you feel anger and frustration about paying them a few bucks for service that no one else is offering for free when as you just stated you can afford it???
Does not compute.
Please tell me WHY is it you feel this way?
I can completely understand where ChocLot is coming from on this whole issue. To me, it does not compute that a grandparent would ever want money to watch their grandchildren.
It isnt about the money, it is about family. My parents would never dream of charging to watch grandchildren, I would never dream of charging to watch any of my young family members. I guess different families operate differently, but in my family you don't charge family members for anything. You do things because they are your family and you love them.
I can completely understand where ChocLot is coming from on this whole issue. To me, it does not compute that a grandparent would ever want money to watch their grandchildren.
It isnt about the money, it is about family. My parents would never dream of charging to watch grandchildren, I would never dream of charging to watch any of my young family members. I guess different families operate differently, but in my family you don't charge family members for anything. You do things because they are your family and you love them.
So, it's all about love that you would begrudge paying someone to watch your kids for 14 hours? More entitlement.
Watching the grandkids isn't visiting. It's a job. And a 14 hour job calls for compensation. Some grandparents refuse to be taken advantage of. Good for them.
I can completely understand where ChocLot is coming from on this whole issue. To me, it does not compute that a grandparent would ever want money to watch their grandchildren.
It isnt about the money, it is about family. My parents would never dream of charging to watch grandchildren, I would never dream of charging to watch any of my young family members. I guess different families operate differently, but in my family you don't charge family members for anything. You do things because they are your family and you love them.
While I would not charge a family member for sitting kids, I would not ask them to provide free, long term day care services for free either.
I can completely understand where ChocLot is coming from on this whole issue. To me, it does not compute that a grandparent would ever want money to watch their grandchildren.
It isnt about the money, it is about family. My parents would never dream of charging to watch grandchildren, I would never dream of charging to watch any of my young family members. I guess different families operate differently, but in my family you don't charge family members for anything. You do things because they are your family and you love them.
If my cousins called me and asked me to watch their kids while they ran a quick errand or because they wanted a date night or a ladies night I would not charge them. Heck even if they asked me to watch them for an entire weekend so they could get away I not charge them, because I love them and family helps out family.
BUT if one of them were to approach me and ask me to watch 2 of their kids for 14 hours once a week on a recurring schedule I would not feel like I am doing something wrong or unloving by accepting the money they would offer me. And they would offer me money before me having to ask because they have manners and consideration.
A couple of hours/days here or there when someone is free is a favor, expecting someone to set aside an entire 14 hours on a weekly recurring schedule is a job. Why should I expect a family member to do a job for me for free?
If my family member owned a grocery store I wouldn't expect to walk in there once a week and do my entire grocery shopping for free, that would be taking advantage. But if they gave me some free food once in a while that would just be kindness.
Just because it's a service and not a good doesn't mean it's worthless. And if you can afford to pay for childcare why begrudge someone you love the money for a service they are providing you??
I think that the whole point is that the OP also takes his Grandmother for several days a month - so that his Mother can 'get away' or go on vacation.
He felt this was kind of an 'even trade'.
Which, it IS good of him to take his grandmother in for several days a month - there aren't a lot of grandchildren caretaking for their grandparents.
Not exactly. OP would be doing the favor for her grandmother, not her mother. Her mother is already being burdened to take care of the grandmother (even if she's willing to do so.) For the adult child to give up a few days per month to care for an ailing grandparent isn't that much, particularly when the mother is doing so the other 28 days of every month, and again, it's something done for the grandmother by the grandchild (the OP.)
The OP is asking her mother, who is already burdened taking care of the grandmother, to take on her two small children for a 14-hour day once per week. IMHO, this is a lot to ask of a woman who is already burdened with taking care of the grandmother 28 days out of every month. Additionally, caring for two small children is a LOT of work, even when you're young. When you're old enough to have grandchildren, it can be too much.
I think OP should ask someone else, or if her mother is willing to do it for only the TINY payment she's asking for, give it. The OP's gift in watching grandma a few days per month is really to grandma, not mom.
Not exactly. OP would be doing the favor for her grandmother, not her mother. Her mother is already being burdened to take care of the grandmother (even if she's willing to do so.) For the adult child to give up a few days per month to care for an ailing grandparent isn't that much, particularly when the mother is doing so the other 28 days of every month, and again, it's something done for the grandmother by the grandchild (the OP.)
The OP is asking her mother, who is already burdened taking care of the grandmother, to take on her two small children for a 14-hour day once per week. IMHO, this is a lot to ask of a woman who is already burdened with taking care of the grandmother 28 days out of every month. Additionally, caring for two small children is a LOT of work, even when you're young. When you're old enough to have grandchildren, it can be too much.
I think OP should ask someone else, or if her mother is willing to do it for only the TINY payment she's asking for, give it. The OP's gift in watching grandma a few days per month is really to grandma, not mom.
I disagree. If Mom is the caretaker for Grandma - then OP IS doing Mom a favor by watching her several days a month. Grandma is not his responsibility.
Believe me, if someone offered to have my 90 year old father spend the night so I could go to the beach for 3 or 4 days . . . they would certainly be doing ME a favor - not him. Me.
That said, I do think he should pay her, as I said earlier. Better yet, find another babysitter altogether and avoid this family angst.
I disagree. If Mom is the caretaker for Grandma - then OP IS doing Mom a favor by watching her several days a month. Grandma is not his responsibility. Believe me, if someone offered to have my 90 year old father spend the night so I could go to the beach for 3 or 4 days . . . they would certainly be doing ME a favor - not him. Me. That said, I do think he should pay her, as I said earlier. Better yet, find another babysitter altogether and avoid this family angst.
Being caretaker for Grandma is no picnic. Mom may be willingly doing it because she loves her mother, but it's still work, not play. And if we get right down to it, Grandma technically isn't Mom's responsibility either. They could stick her in a home. The mom is doing a very generous thing in taking up the family burden of caring for Grandma. The least the OP could do is to give her a break for a few measly days each month.
We agree that they should either pay, or better yet, hire someone else to take care of the kids. But the point I'm trying to make is this isn't tit for tat. It's not OP doing a favor so Mom should do a favor. Mom is saddled with a burden of taking care of Grandma every day. She's already overtaxed performing favors for others (Grandma.) Dumping more on her plate is a little selfish, IMHO.
Wow. I just can't believe what I am reading. It actually makes me ill it is so petty and trashy. The OP has an obligation to watch her Grandmother for a few days a month...that is the norm in most families...there would not even be an issue about it.
As for paying her Mother to watch her kids, if the OP is working, then she can afford to pay her Mother for the time to watch the kids. That is appropriate. Expecting her Mother to just watch her kids for that amount of time, with no compensation is petty and cheap.
I am glad that you are not my daughter. Just hire a babysitter to watch your kids if you have such an issue with helping out your Mom with cash for watching your kids. And just say that you are a selfish person, and don't want to help out watching your Grandmother a few days a month. There, are you happy now?
So, it's all about love that you would begrudge paying someone to watch your kids for 14 hours? More entitlement.
Watching the grandkids isn't visiting. It's a job. And a 14 hour job calls for compensation. Some grandparents refuse to be taken advantage of. Good for them.
It is all about love that I wouldn't expect them to charge me for watching my kids, just like it is all about love I wouldn't charge any of my family members for watching their kids.
You say more entitlement, but if the parents are charging to watch their own grandchildren, that is them having the it's all about me...me...me attitude, and thinking about money above family.
Like I said, families are different, I was raised to not think about money over family. I was raised that family comes before all else. If I ever offered money to my parents to watch my kids, I would not hear the end of it, my parents would feel insulted and feel like I looked at them as no different then a paid employee instead of the grandparents. She would tell me if I wanted to pay someone to watch the kids, then don't bring them there, and go find someone that needed paid for it.
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Watching the grandkids isn't visiting. It's a job. And a 14 hour job calls for compensation. Some grandparents refuse to be taken advantage of. Good for them.
