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Ha! This is true. I was just thinking about some online friends who live in other parts of the country where $50 is easily the minimum spent on shower gifts. It's just not that way here.
Nah, they just had potluck lunches and dinners. They made food for the new mom and family. Came over and cleaned her house while she took care of the new baby.
I suggested that a few pages back. If a friend wants to "celebrate" the new baby, she can take a meal over and meet the baby after it is born, instead of throwing a party for the whole office.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite
The difference is that, with the first, one presumably doesn't already have the paraphernalia. A shower (wedding, baby, whatever) is traditionally held to celebrate a transition from one state to the next. It's not dependent on the idea of financial stress.
And honestly, yes-- why have any if you're struggling?
No, what it means, most likely, is that CT was brought up in a more traditional manner, rather than "everybody get what they can!"
Said perfectly and my point of this whole thing. Myself, my family and no else I know of has heard of showers (esp. asking for gifts) for a second child.
These particular girls are "get what you can" people.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore
I'm sure if this should be under pregnancy, but I started it here.
I know the general rule is no second baby shower. Some exceptions might be say, if they have older kids (as in teens). But I am curious to know if this is changing or what.
A girl here at work has a 2 y/o with a second on the way. Her friend sent around an email last week that this week they were throwing her a shower. They were collecting money to buy the pizza/cake, giving her the remaining money PLUS wanted you to buy her a gift card. The reason given is "she is struggling financially". For the record, she is having the same gender baby so there is a lot she won't need to buy.
So today we get an email saying in a couple weeks they are having a shower for another girl having her second (same gender, child is almost 3). Obviously they are doing this because if you do for one you do for the other. It's being done the same way - asking for money to buy the food, then requesting you give her gift cards.
Now, MY feelings are "I gave for the first and I am not close with them, so I am not giving/attending for this one". Not to mention if I can't afford it, I just won't attend.
But is anyone else appalled by this or is it just me?
It's not just you. That would put me in righteous passive-aggressive mode.
I disagree. A tough time is a co-worker who is very sick, or who has lost a loved one, or who's hubby has lost his job and her hours have been cut down to part-time. That is something co-workers pitch in and help for. A married couple deciding to have their second child does not fall under that category.
And it is tacky to tell people what to bring to a shower and how much to spend, in ANY circumstance. No one is obliged to give at a baby shower to help someone out. Nor should a co-worker feel compelled to chip in to pay for pizza and cake. How does that help someone in need?
ETA: CT has pointed out several times that this particular department tracks who give and who doesn't give. I find that appalling.
Obviously, you are entitled to disagree. However, those are "your" definitions of a tough time. Just because these people have decided (whether they could "afford" it or not), to have a second child, it doesn't mean that they're not currently going through tough times.
As for telling people what to bring to a shower, how much to spend, and TRACKING who's giving what.....most definitely tacky, yes. I most certainly agree with you there.
However, I fail to see how it's such a big deal to pitch in a few bucks for the pizza & cake. Jeez, consider it your lunch for the day!! I would certainly hope that the person who refused to pitch in for that cake and pizza....kept their grubby little paws off of it once it got there!
When I read posts like this, all I can think of is how miserable some work places can be. People whine because they just don't feel like they're part of the team. They don't feel like they're included in things. They feel left out of the group....it's so cliquey, etc. Those very same people whine and grumble when they're asked to be a part of things. They complain if they're asked to contribute anything. Ugh
For the record, yes.....I HATE the way some organizations track monetary contributions given to "employees in need". In fact, at my last job, this very thing was taking place. There was a young mother whose small child was going through treatment for leukemia. The administration had a fund, where they took donations and then gave the money to the woman. I did not donate to the fun. I did, however, get to know this young woman personally. I found out, for myself, what was going on in her life and what her needs were.
At the end of the shift one night, (she was having a horrible, horrible night), I handed her a $50 bill. She refused it. I adamently insisted and let her know how bad my heart would hurt if she didn't take that money from me. I then shared with her that I had been in her shoes, then explained to her just how similar our experiences were. I let her know that this was my way of "paying forward" something that had been done for me. That someone had done exactly what I was doing for her and that it had restored my faith...that SOMEONE up there....out there, whatever, was listening to my heart and put someone in front of me who understood and truly cared....and I knew that I was not alone in my fear and pain.
I didn't want recognition for that stupid money. I simply wanted to give from the heart, knowing that it was the right thing to do. Even though times were tough for us, at that time, her needs were far, far greater than ours were. Giving is NEVER wrong and someday, you may be the person who is greatly in need. When that happens, whatever you gave to someone else, WILL be returned to you.
Obviously, you are entitled to disagree. However, those are "your" definitions of a tough time. Just because these people have decided (whether they could "afford" it or not), to have a second child, it doesn't mean that they're not currently going through tough times.
As for telling people what to bring to a shower, how much to spend, and TRACKING who's giving what.....most definitely tacky, yes. I most certainly agree with you there.
However, I fail to see how it's such a big deal to pitch in a few bucks for the pizza & cake. Jeez, consider it your lunch for the day!! I would certainly hope that the person who refused to pitch in for that cake and pizza....kept their grubby little paws off of it once it got there!
I think we mostly agree. I just think that a second baby shower - just two years after the first - in a work setting where you demand gifts is inappropriate.
The story you recount is a far different thing. I've acknowledged that we have gathered around people here who had cancer and other horrible things happen to them. To me, a baby shower is in a very different category. I guess we do agree to disagree.
I didn't want recognition for that stupid money. I simply wanted to give from the heart, knowing that it was the right thing to do. Even though times were tough for us, at that time, her needs were far, far greater than ours were. Giving is NEVER wrong and someday, you may be the person who is greatly in need. When that happens, whatever you gave to someone else, WILL be returned to you.
We are definitely talking about two different things here. I think everyone agrees with what you are saying here. Unless CT can enlighten us, I don't think the woman in question here is about to be put out on the streets at 9 months pregnant!
Yes, people who did not give, were not allowed in the room.
I don't think they would expect to be!
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I would certainly hope that the person who refused to pitch in for that cake and pizza....kept their grubby little paws off of it once it got there! 
