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Well of course! Why raise children to not tattle, when you can raise children TO be hypercritical tattle tales? After all, we want prepare them to grow up to be successful gossipers and whiners now, don't we?
Well of course! Why raise children to not tattle, when you can raise children TO be hypercritical tattle tales? After all, we want prepare them to grow up to be successful gossipers and whiners now, don't we?
Of course. And so important to learn the skill of blame shifting and finger pointing, too. After all, when one gets out into the business world, what better way to detract from your own underperformance or lack of skill than to have painted a picture for the Boss of ineptitude on the part of coworkers (or one's Supervisor, for that matter). Built in excuse for one's own failures - "I had a lousy Supervisor" or "how can I shine when I am working with idiots?"
Of course. And so important to learn the skill of blame shifting and finger pointing, too. After all, when one gets out into the business world, what better way to detract from your own underperformance or lack of skill than to have painted a picture for the Boss of ineptitude on the part of coworkers (or one's Supervisor, for that matter). Built in excuse for one's own failures - "I had a lousy Supervisor" or "how can I shine when I am working with idiots?"
Yes, nothing like setting up a pattern of behavior which leads to a total lack of accountability. I mean, who can beat the convenience of holding everyone else responsible for your failures and shortcomings. I think we can see around us, many examples of how that sort of parenting works out. There is no lack of examples, that's for sure. The funny thing is.....those children, once they get a little older, start their sentences with..."My parents never....didn't....always..." The very parents who raised their children, blaming everyone else for their children's mistakes, find themSELVES being used for their children's scapegoats!
Yes, nothing like setting up a pattern of behavior which leads to a total lack of accountability. I mean, who can beat the convenience of holding everyone else responsible for your failures and shortcomings. I think we can see around us, many examples of how that sort of parenting works out. There is no lack of examples, that's for sure. The funny thing is.....those children, once they get a little older, start their sentences with..."My parents never....didn't....always..." The very parents who raised their children, blaming everyone else for their children's mistakes, find themSELVES being used for their children's scapegoats!
Folks would do well to take some advice from those of us who have been around the block. I have been involved w/ the education of five kids . . . and one of the biggest mistakes parents can make is emphasizing the teacher rather than the material the teacher is attempting to teach.
Children are in school to learn, and one of the things they need to learn is that their success is not dependent on how anyone else in the room performs, including the teacher. The material remains the same whether being taught by someone who is snappy w/ the kids or by someone who coddles them.
Parents should be helping their children understand that learning is not a matter of charisma - and it doens't always come easily - and it isn't always fun. It is a matter of discipline and goal setting, and investing in yourself, not in side attractions/distractions in the classroom.
Whether a student likes or dislikes his/her teacher should have nothing to do w/ how diligent the student is w/ the tasks of learning. Kids don't get a pass on their own performance - just b/c they think their teacher is "mean."
Folks would do well to take some advice from those of us who have been around the block. I have been involved w/ the education of five kids . . . and one of the biggest mistakes parents can make is emphasizing the teacher rather than the material the teacher is attempting to teach.
Children are in school to learn, and one of the things they need to learn is that their success is not dependent on how anyone else in the room performs, including the teacher. The material remains the same whether being taught by someone who is snappy w/ the kids or by someone who coddles them.
Parents should be helping their children understand that learning is not a matter of charisma - and it doens't always come easily - and it isn't always fun. It is a matter of discipline and goal setting, and investing in yourself, not in side attractions/distractions in the classroom.
Whether a student likes or dislikes his/her teacher should have nothing to do w/ how diligent the student is w/ the tasks of learning. Kids don't get a pass on their own performance - just b/c they think their teacher is "mean."
WOW! There is so much negative adivse here. I am 47 so it's not like I haven't been "around the block". I just happen to want my daughter to know that what she has to say to me is important and that I will not always tell her to suck it up and deal with it when what is happening is not right. There are those that will play the consummate victim, but that is not my daughter. I want her to know that I will have her back and I will be her advocate. I find it very sad that there are sooooooo many of you on here that are saying she is playing the victim, she's whining because the teacher isn't how she wants her to be, I should be sceptical of what she is saying, etc.... I had a parent like that and because they didn't stick up for me and didn't have my back, school was hell for me. I never felt that I could tell them what was going on because I knew i would get the "suck it up" or "you are making a mountain out of a mole-hill" talk.
My daughter understands that whether or not she likes her teacher she is still responsible for taking her school work seriously. She also understands that whether or not she likes the teacher she is to be respectfull in class. But I ask, how is this teacher supposed to inspire these kids to learn and come to school when she herself does not want to be there. How am I supposed to explain to my 9 year old that even though her teacher doesn't want to be there to teach her, she would rather be somewhere else, she is supposed to take learning from her seriously and respect her?
WOW! There is so much negative adivse here. I am 47 so it's not like I haven't been "around the block". I just happen to want my daughter to know that what she has to say to me is important and that I will not always tell her to suck it up and deal with it when what is happening is not right. There are those that will play the consummate victim, but that is not my daughter. I want her to know that I will have her back and I will be her advocate. I find it very sad that there are sooooooo many of you on here that are saying she is playing the victim, she's whining because the teacher isn't how she wants her to be, I should be sceptical of what she is saying, etc.... I had a parent like that and because they didn't stick up for me and didn't have my back, school was hell for me. I never felt that I could tell them what was going on because I knew i would get the "suck it up" or "you are making a mountain out of a mole-hill" talk.
My daughter understands that whether or not she likes her teacher she is still responsible for taking her school work seriously. She also understands that whether or not she likes the teacher she is to be respectfull in class. But I ask, how is this teacher supposed to inspire these kids to learn and come to school when she herself does not want to be there. How am I supposed to explain to my 9 year old that even though her teacher doesn't want to be there to teach her, she would rather be somewhere else, she is supposed to take learning from her seriously and respect her?
How about teaching your little girl to be the child who makes that teacher WANT to come to school every day? It's understandable that, because YOU felt victimized and that you felt like your parents didn't stick up for you, that you are so protective of your daughter. Some parents though, like yours, tell kids to suck it up, because life IS tough (can be) and you will run into adversity and things that don't work out your way, your entire life. It's important for kids to be able to come home and talk to their parents and use them for sounding boards, but it's also important for parents to teach their kids how to make a difference in someone's life.
I could NOT be a teacher. I know how kids are these days. Teachers have a horrible time, because their hands are tied! There are unruly, disrespectful, out-of-c-o-n-t-r-o-l kids out there, disrupting the classrooms and wreaking havoc all over the place. The good kids are forced to suck it up because of those kids and because there's very little that public schools can do to control those kids, the chaos spreads! I'd be more worried about how to volunteer some time in the classroom so that the teacher CAN teach.
My older son had a horrrible situation with a fourth grade teacher several years ago. I never stopped him from telling me about it, and in fact, some of his friends would tell me things about the same teacher but they did not tell their own parents (worried that their parents would go to the school).
In our situation, I did talk to the school about her, and it made things much worse as she seemed to make my son the bad guy every day instead of rotating like she was doing before. However, in our case, he could not switch teachers as there were limits to the number of kids in each class.
I did know of a few parents who were also not happy with this teacher, but they never talked to the school, and the teacher is still there (no contracts/unions at our school keeping here there either).
I do think your daughter could be in the habit of telling you negative things about teachers because she had difficult teachers in the past, however, that does not mean that her thoughts and feelings are not accurate with this teacher as well, just something to keep in the back of your mind.
I would probabaly write down the things your daughter says (maybe not in front of her) to track and remember all of the things your daughter says. I would also let her know I was on her side while at the same time try to have her look for the good and see if maybe there are other ways of interpreting what the teacher is saying (could she have been joking, blunt but not really serious, etc).
Then, if you think there is an issue, and especially if you think you can switch classes, I would talk to the school (and if the problem gets worse and if you think you could switch, maybe don't wait too long).
How about teaching your little girl to be the child who makes that teacher WANT to come to school every day? It's understandable that, because YOU felt victimized and that you felt like your parents didn't stick up for you, that you are so protective of your daughter. Some parents though, like yours, tell kids to suck it up, because life IS tough (can be) and you will run into adversity and things that don't work out your way, your entire life. It's important for kids to be able to come home and talk to their parents and use them for sounding boards, but it's also important for parents to teach their kids how to make a difference in someone's life.
I could NOT be a teacher. I know how kids are these days. Teachers have a horrible time, because their hands are tied! There are unruly, disrespectful, out-of-c-o-n-t-r-o-l kids out there, disrupting the classrooms and wreaking havoc all over the place. The good kids are forced to suck it up because of those kids and because there's very little that public schools can do to control those kids, the chaos spreads! I'd be more worried about how to volunteer some time in the classroom so that the teacher CAN teach.
So you are saying that because I have had a hard time with my parents that I am being overprotective? I don't think so. I don't use what happened to me as an excuse, I use it as a learning tool as how not to parent.
There are plenty of instances that I have told my daughter that that is just how life is and to suck it up, but after only 3 weeks of school I wasn't expecting such negativity already.
I came on here for some advise, and it seems that most of the responses, not all, have been for me to tell my daughter to stop whining, suck it up, life isn't fair, for me to stop allowing her to play the victim and for us to get over it because she must have been having a bad day. Seems to be a pattern with my daughter of complaining about her teacher, having 2 teachers that do not know how to sensor themselves does not make a pattern with her, seems it's a pattern with teachers. That I am allowing this behavior by playing into it. WOW!
How about teaching your little girl to be the child who makes that teacher WANT to come to school every day? It's understandable that, because YOU felt victimized and that you felt like your parents didn't stick up for you, that you are so protective of your daughter. Some parents though, like yours, tell kids to suck it up, because life IS tough (can be) and you will run into adversity and things that don't work out your way, your entire life. It's important for kids to be able to come home and talk to their parents and use them for sounding boards, but it's also important for parents to teach their kids how to make a difference in someone's life.
I could NOT be a teacher. I know how kids are these days. Teachers have a horrible time, because their hands are tied! There are unruly, disrespectful, out-of-c-o-n-t-r-o-l kids out there, disrupting the classrooms and wreaking havoc all over the place. The good kids are forced to suck it up because of those kids and because there's very little that public schools can do to control those kids, the chaos spreads! I'd be more worried about how to volunteer some time in the classroom so that the teacher CAN teach.
Well said, Beachmel. OP, I don't think you're doing it consciously, but please be aware that those sore spots from your own childhood can cause you to overreact later when you're the parent. Beachmel is exactly right on that one. And although listening to your daughter is always good, swinging from one extreme to the other (which is what I suspect is happening here) is no less harmful.
One technique might be to teach the lesson that you do what needs to be done, whether or not you always feel like doing it. There will be days when your daughter does NOT feel like doing her homework. Or doing those dishes instead of playing a video game. Or one day helping her own daughter with homework even when she has a headache. Or taking care of other responsibilities rather than taking part in a leisure activity. Maybe you start now in teaching her that part of being an adult (she's an adult in training, after all) is doing what needs to be done, even when she may not feel like doing it in the moment. That can be a valuable life lesson.
So you are saying that because I have had a hard time with my parents that I am being overprotective? I don't think so. I don't use what happened to me as an excuse, I use it as a learning tool as how not to parent.
There are plenty of instances that I have told my daughter that that is just how life is and to suck it up, but after only 3 weeks of school I wasn't expecting such negativity already.
I came on here for some advise, and it seems that most of the responses, not all, have been for me to tell my daughter to stop whining, suck it up, life isn't fair, for me to stop allowing her to play the victim and for us to get over it because she must have been having a bad day. Seems to be a pattern with my daughter of complaining about her teacher, having 2 teachers that do not know how to sensor themselves does not make a pattern with her, seems it's a pattern with teachers. That I am allowing this behavior by playing into it. WOW!
So two instances does not make a pattern with your daughter but does make a pattern with teachers in general? (By the way, it's "censor.") Sounds like you really do have a chip on your shoulder and your daughter has picked up on that and is now milking it for all its worth to get your attention.
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The funny thing is.....those children, once they get a little older, start their sentences with..."My parents never....didn't....always..." The very parents who raised their children, blaming everyone else for their children's mistakes, find themSELVES being used for their children's scapegoats! 
