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My 11 year old son consistently complains about stomach aches, headaches, neauseau. His doctor doesnt' seem to concerned. In my opinion, he does suffer from anxiety, as his father does as well in social situations. But when I discuss his feelings with him, he doesn't let on to any emotional problems. His only reaction is probably frustration at my constanct questionsn of .... did something happen on the bus, at school, at recess, lunch, gym, do you have a test, quiz, have to read outloud, etc, etc. I even get annoyed at how many times I'm asking these same questions, its always, no, no , no. I really think its not something that is happening, I think its something either internal (general anxiety) or am worried about something physical. He is active, athletic, and bright. He usually misses a lot of school because of this in the last few years. He has missed one practice for the first time last week, in all his years of doing sports. He has complained about headaches during sports, but I do think that's because of dehydration/heat and we just made sure we made him drink more, but he played through it.
Any suggestions at what tests I should be asking for?
Rather than tests, I'd change his environment if possible. Does he experience this in summer, when school's out, or when he has a chance to be at home for a stretch of time?
When he complains - make a note of it, the day, the weather, what he's had to eat, what else is going on (tests, athletics etc)....maybe you can find either a trigger or a pattern of some kind.
If this has been going on for years, and he misses a lot of school, I would say it's time to pick up your game! Decide where you want to start. Have a firm chat with the doctor, if they are not going to take it seriously, see a different doctor to figure out if this is purely physical, or a physical manifestation of anxiety. Could you speak to the school counselor? Ask for a referral for someone to help your son manage his anxiety. Is there an adult he trusts who he could speak to, and uncle/aunt, older sibling, family friend. Some deep-seated issues are tough to initially talk to mom and dad about.
How much school is he missing? Headache and nausea are pretty vague complaints...does he actually become ill? I don't know how often I'd let a child stay home with numerous vague complaints....what does he do when he stays home?
I agree that if he is missing school due to this stuff - it needs to be addressed - regardless of whether it is physical or emotional. Good luck....
Last edited by maciesmom; 09-08-2011 at 11:33 AM..
Rather than tests, I'd change his environment if possible. Does he experience this in summer, when school's out, or when he has a chance to be at home for a stretch of time?
Its in the summer also, but not to a huge extent. Or at least its not as obvious because it does not change our schedule. During the school year I'm being called from the nurse's office, so it sticks out more. Durring the summer, he might complain, but he can just choose a different activity.. he does not "miss" anything. For example, he tagged along to go grocery shopping with my nanny.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
I'd start keeping a log.
When he complains - make a note of it, the day, the weather, what he's had to eat, what else is going on (tests, athletics etc)....maybe you can find either a trigger or a pattern of some kind.
That's a great suggestion. I'm going to do that, starting today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
If this has been going on for years, and he misses a lot of school, I would say it's time to pick up your game! Decide where you want to start. Have a firm chat with the doctor, if they are not going to take it seriously, see a different doctor to figure out if this is purely physical, or a physical manifestation of anxiety. Could you speak to the school counselor? Ask for a referral for someone to help your son manage his anxiety. Is there an adult he trusts who he could speak to, and uncle/aunt, older sibling, family friend. Some deep-seated issues are tough to initially talk to mom and dad about.
I'm in the process of finding a new doctor. He's seen a pshyciatrist years ago, does not open up at all. I can honestly say that if he knew something was bothering him, he would tell me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
How much school is he missing? Headache and nausea are pretty vague complaints...does he actually become ill? I don't know how often I'd let a child stay home with numerous vague complaints....what does he do when he stays home?
I agree that if he is missing school due to this stuff - it needs to be addressed - regardless of whether it is physical or emotional. Good luck....
Lots of school, I want to say about 20 days last year, and that's only because he's pushed through it on the other 40 days that he's complained about it. No, he does not become ill. He just lays around the house (literally, he was just laying across the coffee table before I sent him to the store), does the school work that he's missing. No TV, except for the PBS or Disney that's already on for his little sister. I am strickt on that, and no playing after school either. I do let him do whatever sport he is currently doing if he can push through it, but its usually a feeble attempt. He would, however, not have a problem whatsoever with missing it.
Have you considered food intolerances? Headaches and nausea would be common symptoms. Both of my dd's are intolerant of dairy and soy and I gave up both of those foods when I was breastfeeding as they were having trouble with it in my milk. I had problems with mild to moderate stomach aches throughout my life and they went away when I gave up those foods. Turns out I also have an intolerance to those foods. I've noticed that when I eat corn I get a mild headache. Could be worth looking into. Keeping a food diary could help.
The anxiety may just be inherent since you say his dad goes through this too and the boy just can't explain what is happening to him. He may not have the words to express the feelings. Like the others, I agree you should keep a log of when this is happening, when you get called from school (what was he just doing to bring it on). Find another doctor. How does your husband cope w/his anxiety--can your son use any of those methods (aside from meds that dad may be taking)? I wish you the best of luck and hope you keep us posted.
Above are good ideas to start to narrow the physical complaints. I have a different suggestion. Instead of grilling him about his day, try asking open ended questions instead. While doing something (like a chore, driving somewhere, etc) ask him what his favorite part of the day was. If he tells you, ask him what he was doing during that favorite part....who was there? what was the activity? What about the activity was fun? See if you get more than a one word answers. Boys respond better when they are doing something with their hands while they talk. Try this first when he has had a 'good day' - no physical complaints.
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